08/31/2026
WHEN A CHRISTIAN DIES BY SU***DE
By Pr. Kathy
Time after time, when a Christian dies by su***de, these words are spoken: no one saw it coming.
When something like this happens to someone you know, the scriptures can unfold in a very different way. For example, when I read through today's Romans 12: 9-21 from the perspective of a deeply troubled Christian, all I can see is a long to-do list - all the things St. Paul thought Christians had to do or should be doing, to live out their faith.
And I thought of the pressure inherent in St. Paul’s list, even if he never intended it to be read that way, especially that last item: “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” It sounds so clear, written that way. And so murky, to try to live that way.
The fact is, sometimes we can’t overcome evil in this life, no matter how hard we try. Evil wins. Good loses. And God seems very far away.
When I think of Christians who have died by su***de, I remember the reading from Jeremiah 15: 15-21. The prophet reminds God that he began his ministry eagerly. Jeremiah found God’s words and he ate them! That's how hungry he was for them. He took them into himself and as they began to transform him, his joy exploded within him. He knew himself to be God’s true child, called by God’s name.
But one thing God asked of Jeremiah was solitude. Elsewhere in the book that bears his name, the prophet talks about how he was commanded not to marry, and was even forbidden to celebrate important events with his friends. In his isolation, God’s hand weighed heavy upon him. No one wanted to hear what he had to say and God, he felt, would not allow him to remain silent. So he cries out to God,
“Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Truly, you are to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail.”
Jeremiah knew the prophecies of the Messiah as well as anyone, but those promises would not be realized in his lifetime. He couldn’t see what God was doing through his prophetic work.
Sometimes I think that’s what happens to Christians who die by su***de. They lose perspective. God's promises and presence feels terribly far away. They get tired. They are in great mental pain. And I have no doubt that they feel absolutely alone in their final moments. It makes me so terribly sad, because honestly that’s not how it is.
Many Christians have a church family, or have had one in the past. Some have co-workers. Others have family members, teachers and mentors. Or even a su***de hotline. But most of all – they have the sacraments and they have God.
The sacraments of baptism and holy communion aren’t just a solemn ritual-ish thing we do on Sundays. They are actually sources of strength for us.
When Martin Luther, (one of the world’s great depressive personalities by the way) felt beset by his personal demons, he would tell them to begone for “I am BAPTIZED!” He took refuge in this simple fact and so can we.
In baptism, we are called and claimed by God and in communion we are fed and nourished on every level by the bread and cup – physical elements of Jesus’ abiding presence with us.
There is another thing I’ve noticed that often emerges in the wake of a Christian’s death by su***de: the person had a very hard time telling people that they were hurting. Or sometimes they found it almost impossible to tell people how MUCH they were hurting.
Often there seems to be a huge wall around them, an impassable barrier between them and others. Nothing could get in, but that also means that nothing could get out. Many of the red flags that warn of a possible su***de attempt go missing. They never made it past the wall. And that’s a huge problem.
Contrast that to the Jeremiah reading I referenced earlier: the prophet’s absolute honesty with his God. He is somehow able to talk to God and say how badly he was hurting. In fact, Jeremiah doesn’t scruple to call God deceitful. The waters of life God promised earlier just did not satisfy! Jeremiah did not mince words. He poured his heart out to his God, and God listened and responded.
In the end, maybe, that’s all we can do when terrible times come upon us. Maybe lists like the one the apostle Paul busily compiled in Romans 12, are not what is needed during those times. Maybe we just don’t have the strength to engage those things. All we can do is cry to heaven for help. We can always do that with words or maybe just with tears. And remember, we are NEVER crying alone.
St. Paul tells us that the Spirit of God, God’s own Spirit, intercedes for us with sighs and groanings too deep for words (Romans 8:26)
The Psalmists did not mince words as they prayed either; if you're looking for the right words to voice the cry of your heart, just use the words of the Psalmists. That’s what they’re there for. You will find the Psalm that fits your needs exactly.
The prophets from Isaiah to Moses to Jesus all cried out to God when their terrible times came upon them, and we are lucky to have those writings as well. They are there to remind us that we too can pour ourselves out to God - and even hold God to account!
I don’t think I do this nearly often enough. Maybe you don’t either.
In the end, keeping silent about your pain isn’t a good thing whether you are a Christian or not. If you hurt, find your tongue, especially you men who may have been raised to think silence in the face of pain is the essence of manhood. It’s not. Seriously, it’s not. Whoever told you, whatever taught you that, is wrong.
So tell God and then tell someone else. Don’t mince words. Don’t downplay your feelings. If even Jesus could cry out that he felt forsaken by God, who are we to keep silent when we feel that way too?
Ultimately, evil doesn’t have the last word on any of us. I believe with everything I am, that the pain which drives some of us to death by su***de is completely washed away in the overwhelming love and compassion of the God who came to save the least and the lost. We no sooner die, than we awaken in our dear Lord's arms where we are cradled in love. All of us. Every last one. That is my faith.
Let it be so, Almighty God. Let it be so.
Amen.
