10/31/2016
Hellooo fraaands!
So. I’ve been meaning to share about my college application/decision process for some time now, and I think I’ve reflected over it for enough time to finally share. I hope that my experiences can be a testimony of encouragement to all who read this. But, I especially write this to the high schoolers out there who are going through academic, emotional, and spiritual turmoil at this time of year.
Okay. Story time.
The schools I applied to were all quite competitive, far from home, and far from my comfort zone. I applied with abundant ambition. “This will be good for me. To learn independence. To go through academic challenges.” With that said, I knew with my mind that God had to be involved in my college decision, and that where He told me to go, I’d go. And I really did pray over it a lot. But frankly? More than I realized, I wanted to be accepted by certain schools, and to be affirmed of my worth by them. My mouth said, “I’ll do as You please”, but my heart said “God, please let your plans for me be my plans for me.”…
I can laugh about it now, but there is a reason why God’s plans are God’s plans and not mine. To put it simply and to rip the Band-Aid off quickly, of the seven applications sent out, five were closed doors. My pride was blown to pieces and was milled into a fine dust after each rejection I faced, and as much as I want this to be an exaggeration, it isn’t. I was embarrassed, disappointed in myself, and very lost.
Looking back on it, I wasn’t mad at God, but probably more frustrated that I wasn’t accepting of what He had planned. At that point in time, it was clear as to which school I would be going to, but for a long while, I couldn’t make myself say it, holding onto the last bit of pride that I felt I had. I eventually grew to be more accepting of God’s plan for me, but I constantly found myself asking God “why” and “so what’s the plan?”
Ctcchaaa….ctchaaa…. (those are fast forward sounds). Today. October 29, 2016. While eating some cake with a friend…
“I’m really happy…”
“Oh because of the cake?”
“Yes, but no. Like, I’m just…really happy.”
Since the first semester of college started, I have become more and more involved with church events, and have taken more initiative in the college meetings than I had imagined. I care about a lot more people than I had imagined, and I think a lot more people care about me than I had imagined. I found a closeness to God and to His people. I found something so precious and so beautiful. “Like, sometimes there’s nothing to smile about…but I do—I find myself smiling like a crazy person. I find myself saying ‘thank you God’ and ‘wow, You are so great’ so much more.”
Today, I think I gained what feels like 3 years of clarity as to why I’m here at OSU. Previously I knew how important the church life was, but I think now I understand the magnitude of its importance and the impact it has on my relationship with God. To love God with God-loving people, to support one another, to grow in faith together… God knew I needed this. While I can’t say for sure, I think that without the church life in Columbus and the church life on campus I would be a lot more distant from God. And as for the challenges I wished upon myself? The independence? Academic rigor? Wow did God provide. School is challenging to say the least, and this was yet again another reminder that God’s plan is inexplicably better than mine.
So for the high schoolers listening, I really can’t say how you should pray or how to listen or how to decide, because I’m definitely still learning to do these things and everyone’s college process is different. But I can say “have faith”, “God is good” and “God has a funny way of making this work out for the best”. I think I can also say, even though it makes things significantly more complicated, God should be actively involved in your college decision. I did not hear a whisper in the ear from God, “O-S-Uuuuu…..”, but I think through that lack of hearing and lack of clarity, the parts of His plan that He has revealed to me today are that much more special and a testimony to His sovereignty. I’ve realized that God knows exactly how I’ll grow, what is best for my growth, and that He will provide. God’s plan for me here at OSU and my future goals/aspirations are still unclear, but I have faith that understanding will come in due time.
Alright. Final statements. High schoolers, I have so much empathy for you guys. College app season is a terrible terrible roller coaster that leaves you with a nauseating sensation even afterwards. SO many hugs to y’all. I didn’t mention this before, but while I was going through college apps, I talked and prayed with someone who recently went through it herself (poke poke…you know who you are :P). Our conversations weren’t always about college, but they often were and they helped me a lot emotionally and spiritually. SO, with that said, I want to offer myself to be that person. If you have any questions related to school, if you just want to talk about emotional stuff, talk about God, etc. etc., just message me :) And if you’re like, "who is this girl?" Well, if you message me we can get to know each other!
Anyways, thank you for listening and I hope that wasn’t too confusing and was somewhat of an encouragement. But, the take home message: God is really good and God provides. The end.
by Joyce Chen
