Jeff E Stone

Jeff E Stone Writing. Speaking. Advocating for the harmed. Hunting for truth in the bogs of church, life, and faith.

05/19/2026

If your first response to someone saying they were abused is “that wasn’t abuse,” pause.

The person who experienced the impact is the only one who gets to name it.

Not the institution.
Not the leader.
Not the community.
Not the person who caused the harm.

The one who did the harm does not get to define it. Ever.

Intentions do not erase impact.
Good motives do not cancel harm.
Ignorance does not undo trauma.

Abuse is not defined by how it was meant.
It is defined by what it did.

And when we rush to defend behavior instead of listening to pain, we are not protecting truth. We are protecting ourselves.

Believe survivors.
Stop minimizing harm.
Stop redefining someone else’s lived experience to make it easier to swallow.

When someone says “this hurt me,” the correct response is not correction.
It is listening.

05/09/2026

For a lot of people, church doesn’t just affect their beliefs.
It affects their nervous system.

Sometimes the lights, the music, the sermon, the language, or the pressure to stay quiet can pull someone back into fear, shame, or survival mode.

And if that happens to you, it does not mean you’re weak.
It does not mean you’re faithless.
And it does not mean your body is the problem.

Your body remembers what your mind tried to survive.

You are allowed to pause.
You are allowed to need space.
You are allowed to care for yourself in places that taught you to ignore your own pain.

Healing is not rebellion.
And safety is not selfish.

05/01/2026

If you weren’t able to attend the Weave to Cleave Conference 2026, I wanted to make my breakout session available for you.

In this session, I walk through what religious trauma is, how it forms, and practical steps toward healing—for both survivors and leaders.

My hope is that this helps bring language, clarity, and compassion to conversations that have been misunderstood for far too long.

Listen by clicking here: https://davidruybalid.substack.com/publish/post/196058701?r=1zaohv&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

04/30/2026

They called the Tlaxcalans traitors for 500 years. But modern historians discovered the truth: they were oppressed people who chose to survive.

When you leave a church because of harm, the people who stay will often call you the problem. It's easier for them to blame you than to face the pain. But God saw everything.

You are not a traitor for leaving. You are a survivor.

Psalm 56:8 – He keeps track of all your sorrows.

04/20/2026

Some pastors are not shepherding people. They are playing them.
I have experienced this both working for a pastor and sitting in the pews. Conversations felt strategic. Relationships felt conditional. People were treated like pieces on a board.
Those seeking healing. Those who give generously. Those without boundaries. Those craving approval.
This is not spiritual leadership. It is manipulation dressed up as ministry.
Healthy pastors do not exploit vulnerability. They protect it.

04/19/2026

How you respond to a disclosure of sexual abuse can change a life
or break one.

Good intentions are not enough.
Training matters.

Pastors, this is part of the calling. Not optional. Not secondary.

(LINK TO COURSE IN COMMENTS)

04/11/2026

Most survivors are harmed twice.�First by abuse. Then by the Church’s response.

Sexual abuse is devastating.�A mishandled response can be just as harmful.

Church leaders are rarely trained for disclosures, yet they are often the first ones survivors tell. That gap causes real damage.

This is why I created Sexual Abuse and the Church, a training course through Deep & Wide Academy designed to help churches respond to abuse disclosures with care, accountability, and truth without causing more harm.

If you’re a pastor, staff member, board member, or ministry leader, training before the next disclosure matters.

Register here: https://www.deepwideacademy.com/a/2148143468/cBLGkoCn

04/08/2026

Sexual Assault Awareness Month isn’t about awareness anymore. It’s about whether we’re actually prepared.

Pastors, this is in your church.

In a church of 150 people, the average gender breakdown is about 52% women and 48% men—roughly 78 women and 72 men. Statistically, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men experience sexual violence. That means about 20 women and 12 men in that congregation have been impacted.

That’s 32 people out of 150.

They are sitting in your services, serving on your teams, trusting you with their stories.

And when someone tells you, your response matters more than you think.

Too many survivors have been dismissed, spiritualized, or silenced by the very places that were supposed to be safe.

We can do better.

This is why I’ve partnered with Deep & Wide Academy to create Sexual Abuse and the Church, to help leaders respond with the compassion of Jesus and the tools needed for real healing.

Because awareness without action still causes harm.

(Link in Comments for the Course)

04/08/2026

This is not an affair.
This is adult clergy sexual abuse.

When a pastor, priest, or spiritual leader crosses sexual boundaries with an adult in their care, it is not mutual. It is not equal. And it is not consensual in the way people often assume.

Power changes everything.

When someone is trusted with your spiritual life, your belonging, your sense of God, your community, your safety… that creates a profound imbalance. That kind of authority shapes decisions, silences hesitation, and makes true consent impossible.

And the impact reflects that.

Survivors often don’t just experience heartbreak. They experience trauma.
PTSD. Anxiety. Dissociation. Loss of faith. Loss of self.

Because this wasn’t just a relationship.
It was a violation of trust at the deepest level.

We have to stop calling it an “affair.”
That language protects systems and minimizes harm.

Call it what it is.
Name it clearly.
Believe survivors.

Because clarity is where accountability begins.

Address

Colorado Springs, CO

Website

http://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffestone

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