06/08/2026
I had the privilege of walking my oldest daughter down the aisle this past week, and I wanted to share a few words of encouragement to parents.
Let me say this right out of the gate: God’s way is 10,000 times better than any other way, and His Word still works in the 21st century.
Mom and Dad you must not waste time. It doesn’t matter that you worked all day and are tired. Regroup and make time for each other, and then for your kids. If you did not have good examples growing up, good. Now you know what not to do. If you need help with what to do, ask your pastor or look at your church family. Find families with children whom you respect, take them out to dinner, ask questions and learn from them.
Here is some of what I would say if we were sitting together at the table together:
When they are young, be silly. Go to the park. Push the swing. Make the silly noises. Ride the bike with them. Fly the kite. Read Bible stories to them. Hug them and love them. Sing the silly kids’ songs from church (yes, you had better plug into a Bible-teaching and Bible-preaching church). Take them with you when serving the Lord and give them small things to do. Pray with them. Listen to their problems, even though they seem small to you. Teach them manners. Teach them how to pick up their messes. Teach them right from wrong. Ensure they experience consequences both ways: praise and reward the good; correct and discipline the bad. Train them in the way they should go. Not this “I let my kid decide” mentality. They are children and do not yet have the understanding needed to make major life decisions. Don’t be foolish. Talk through situations and age appropriate life events with them. Keep adult topics out of their minds as much as possible…they need to enjoy innocence.
When they are preteens, stay consistent. Don’t give in to what all the other parents are letting their preteens do. Understand that parental controls are only guardrails. You had better use them, and I highly recommend a Gryphon for your home internet and VidAngel for content filtering…and no they do not need a smart phone. But you must also be actively aware of what your children are doing. Set limits, curfews, and standards, and take the time to teach why those things matter. Keep serving the Lord together. Ensure they have daily or weekly responsibilities around the house and hold them accountable. Begin working with them on discipleship. I recommend Crown Publications’ family devotionals that take you through the entire Bible. It will take a long time to finish, but make the time. Take rides together and give them the opportunity to ask anything. You must be present, which means you must be intentional.
When they are teens, don’t lose heart. Stay consistent and continue making time for them. Give them more responsibility at home on a daily basis. As far as jobs go, I recommend Chick-fil-A or working within a family business (yours or someone you know). Be prepared to work through and discuss the dynamics of good and bad relationships, leadership, and politics. Encourage them to allow their faith be seen. They should have opportunities throughout the month to make dinner or make the plans and even begin paying for small monthly expenses. They must learn the realities of life.
At some point during their high school years, have them take Dave Ramsey’s financial course for high schoolers. Seriously. On the discipleship front, I would recommend “Continue: A Biblical Journey in Personal Discipleship.” Work through it with them. Discuss what they are learning and help them implement those principles into daily life. A also recommend watching and discussing episodes of Expedition Bible and Answers in Genesis on YouTube. Trust me it will help.
If you started early, this stage is not as scary as people say. If you started late, don’t lose heart. Redeem the time and be upfront with them about why you are making changes.
A few final thoughts:
Yes, my kids played sports, have hobbies, and we prioritize exercise. No, we did not allow extracurricular activities or hobbies to pull them away from ministry, church activities, or the assembly times of the church. I am serious about this. What you prioritize, they will prioritize. We all reap what we sow.
Don’t buy into the idea of modern dating. I believe it is fundamentally flawed. Here is the principle: if they are not old enough or responsible enough to be married, then do not encourage them to spend emotional and physical energy in relationships simply so they can be like everyone else. Tell them why. Let them build friendships and enjoy friendships, but remove the emphasis on physical interaction.
When they are old enough to pursue marriage, the question becomes simple: Does this person share my faith, values, convictions, and direction in life? If not, move on. Time will reveal character. When it does, they need the maturity to either move forward or to move on.
Tell them you love them, and then prove it by loving your spouse, working hard, and meeting the needs of your family. Yes, you are tired. Yes, it is difficult. Yes, you feel like you are spending yourself for them. That is what it means to love others.
Make time for family fun. You do not have to go overboard. Smaller trips and smaller amusement parks are often more enjoyable than overpriced attractions. Take a few days or a week and enjoy time together. Play putt-putt golf. Ride go-karts. Visit arcades. Go fishing. Get ice cream. Walk through scenic towns, the countryside, or museums (especially the Ark Encounter, the Museum of the Bible, Sight and Sound or the National Air and Space Museum).
When you are on vacation, don’t take a vacation from the Lord. Find a local congregation and connect. You might be surprised by how the Lord works.
Parents, they need you to be real…not fake and not perfect, just real. They need to hear from you. They need to see that Christ is real in your life. You must have a consistent prayer life and a consistent time in the Word of God.
Now, remember this: things will not go perfectly. There will be ups and downs and everything in between. They will mess up, and you will mess up. When you mess up…and you will…own it. Ask them to forgive you. Pray together and move forward. And yes, vice versa. Let them know that growing and making mistakes is part of life. Teach them to fail forward while resting in the forgiveness of our Heavenly Father, Christ our Savior, and one another.
And when your grown child is walking down the aisle to be married to their best friend… born again, walking with the Lord, pure, happy, and excited about what lies ahead because they are marrying someone with similar values, purpose, and goals… you will rejoice in the reality that God’s way truly is the best way, no matter what anyone else thinks, believes, says or feels.
Stay the course!
All for Christ,
Pastor Vaughn
