05/18/2024
There's a few words that have been ringing in my ears lately, some revelations of myself I never realized before, transparently here they are...
One thing is I prejudge myself before others can. I tend to think the worst of what others are thinking about me or believe about me so I either do one of these two things. Preface myself for who I am or avoid people and things because of who I am. Both are rooted in fear. Fear of not really being transformed and fear of not being liked or accepted. I know that these things are not true because I know the truth but the reality is there is a difference in knowing the truth and walking in truth. We can be walking in truth in some areas of our life and not in other areas.
Another thing is I don't receive love as well as I thought and I don't love as well as I thought. I've grown in these areas tremendously but still there's a part of me that feels unworthy of love and unworthy of loving. I've done so much bad, I've made so many mistakes, I've hurt so many people, I've lost so much.
The truth though, the truth is, none of that matters because of who God is. God is good and He did create me, God did send his son to die for me, for me to be saved and healed and delivered. It's truly takes a posture of humility to believe these things and walk in them.
Pride keeps me restricted in fear and doubt. It is pride that makes me believe I can disrupt God's plan. His plan for me is to have a future and hope, to shine his glory light, and to carry the fruits of the spirit. If I, a mere human thinks that things I have done in this life change his plan is pride in the deepest and most hidden form. Humility is what makes those thoughts and feelings disappear. Humility is complete and total dependency on God. To walk out of fear and doubt I must humble myself to admit these things to the Lord and then ask him to help, not even ask, humility is crying out, supplicating to him about all these things.
Walking with God is not easy and it's not for the faint of heart. It takes courage and boldness especially in our weakest moments. It takes vulnerability and transparency. But guys, anything we do in this life takes those things, the difference between doing it for the other things is that when we do it unto the Lord and in his will there is a reward. Now we don't do it for the reward but the hope of the reward, the joy of the reward is what we fix our eyes on. The reward is life with him one day but the reward is also a changed life now and a changed life for those we encounter day in and day out. The reward when we meditate on are all of our hopes and dreams being fulfilled, because with God those things are possible and they do happen. He does it, He shows up every time. If we know him we will know when he is making them happen, when we don't know him and spend time with him we miss him in all the good things.
Don't miss him. Stay the course, start the race if you haven't yet. God is the Father, God is the creator, God is the answer.
