09/05/2026
Now and Then:
If you claim to be a Christian but have no questions you probably are not reading the word. Many years ago I felt as if my life has been broken and all my efforts to lead the Christian life was in vain. I attended church I gave all that I could but it just seamed that which was broken in me only got worse.
My minister probably spent more time than he liked trying to get me through my troubles , I would attend church for many months and then the wheels would come off, and like clock work my minister would come and visit. Sometimes he would bring another brother along, not that I was in trouble with them but that he knew I needed encouragement. I wrestled with my faith and with hardship of trying to raise and feed my family. I was without a doubt to young and under educated and couldn't keep my life going in a productive way. And this was a roller coaster of time in and out of church. I was friends with the gas man, I had went to school with his brother and he hated having to come and cut off my gas that we heated our house with, being that he cared he taught me how to take the lock off the meter so I didn't freeze.
But he would say just whatever you do catch up the bill. We'll we somehow managed to get through those times. But this lack of resources was at the heart of my roller coaster of going to church paying a tithe and trying to participate in the church. I honestly loved the church, I loved my minister and most importantly I loved the Lord. Still my life was out of control and I wound up in a divorce , and made decisions that I shouldn't have made. All of this was part of being broken from the beginning. Losing my dad at such a young age really broke me in ways you couldn't imagine, my mom remarried and just added to my brokenness. But still I had a need to hear the word of God. I spent many years seeking the Lord through hearing sermon after sermon, to a point that I only listened to preaching on the TV, I found a minister that seamed to hold my attention and I just continued , I remarried and tried again and again to participate in the church going back to my beloved church and minister but when my wife didn't want to go there I took her to the church she wanted to go to, but still I was broken and the same roller coaster continued. Finally I got older and because of family issues I just quit going to church at all. And believe it or not that's when the Lord came to me, I had not given up on the Lord at all I still wanted to know him completely, my problem was I couldn't read, I could read I just couldn't concentrate and comprehend what I was reading, so I listened and many times would set with my brother in law and just listen to him read and it just so happened that one day he read the passage about old men dreaming dreams and I just blurted out , I pray God will give me a dream , and he answered that prayer and so much more. The very first dream happened within a couple of days and the very first scene of the dream the Lord held me in his arms, like a Father would hold his child, I call that dream a five part mini series with many different scenes, I met a angel named Genisis and a second appearing of the Lord before me. Then another dream where my dad visited me , and then this on going conversation with the Lord and his prompting to read Paul's gospel and he would direct my study. So he answered my prayer and gave me so much more than just a dream, he gave me this study that I call Now and Then, and still everyday I am asking questions and waiting on the Lord to continue directing me. I like to think the questions were mine but I think just like in that very first dream I asked two questions, funny thing you can't control the questions you ask in a dream, and I think that's just how the Lord teaches, by forming questions in our thoughts so that he can answer them. You know if your always asking the wrong questions your never going to get the right answers. I actually spend a lot of time just listening to the thoughts in my head. It amazes me how the questions will come, many are just fundamental questions but they build the foundation of study.
So read and listen and seek the answers to the questions the Lord gives, that how my study has gone. I can't imagine a better way to study Gods word than to just trust him and read and listen. I am closer to the Lord now than when I was in church, I think the church is great but nothing should stand in the way of a personal relationship with the Lord, and maybe not everyone is equipped to be in the church.
I don't regret the church, I just think maybe it can distract you from that personal relationship.
All we really need is Jesus , if everything thing else fails, you still have all you need in him. So listening to others and thinking that is your relationship with him , probably won't help. You simply need time alone with him.
Lord bless