09/04/2026
The Standard of Grace
Matthew 18:21-18:35
# I heard about a man who really loved dogs. He devoted his life to them he read about them, studied them, and even gave talks about them to other dog lovers.
One day he decided to pour a new sidewalk in front of his house. His neighbor watched from his window as he smoothed out the last square foot of cement.
Just then, a large dog appeared and walked through the fresh cement, leaving paw prints behind. The man muttered something under his breath and smoothed out the damage.
He then went inside to get some twine so he could put up a fence around the sidewalk. But, when he got back outside, he discovered some more dog tracks in his fresh cement. He smoothed out the cement and put up the fence.
He then went into the house. Five minutes later he looked outside and saw some more paw prints. He was really mad now. He got out his trowel and smoothed the cement one more time. As he got back to his porch, the dog reappeared and sat right in the middle of the sidewalk.
He went inside, grabbed his gun and shot the dog dead. The neighbor rushed over and said, “Why did you do that? I thought you loved dogs.” The man thought for a minute and said, “I do, I do like dogs. But that’s in the abstract. I hate dogs in the concrete.”
“My thoughts on this story are this.”
That’s how many of us feel about our theme for this morning. We love to hear about forgiveness in the abstract, but when it hits close to home, we hate it in the concrete.
# Relational viruses attack every friendship. Tensions arise. Wrongs are done. Lies are told. Trust is broken. But often times, since we’re imperfect people, we’re bound to have trouble with forgiveness.
I believe that relationships are built not on a standard of perfection because we could never maintain that, but instead relationships are built on our ability to ask for forgiveness, and our willingness to extend forgiveness to others.
# Here’s another way to say it: “In every relationship you have, you will constantly be called on to forgive and to ask for forgiveness”.
1. My First Point is This, Forgiveness is costly -- it’s not easy to ask for forgiveness and it’s certainly not easy to extend forgiveness to those who’ve wronged us. “Forgiveness is the virtue we most enjoy and least employ”.
There are at least two reasons why we struggle with forgiveness:
1st. Forgiveness is not natural. “That’s why it’s so hard to do”.
2ndly. Forgiveness is not fair. “Our sense of justice wants to be vindicated”.
# Let Me Talk About Unlimited Forgiveness: Of all the people in the Bible, Peter stands out as the most mathematical of the disciples.
He was a stickler for detail, always trying to pin down the precise meaning of everything Jesus said.
Do you remember when Jesus performed a miraculous catch of fish? It was Peter who sat down and counted each squirming fish to find out that they caught 153.
# You know if you were to take your Bible and count the number of times that Peter messed up, you’d discover that he needed forgiveness on at least 7 different occasions.
Being a numbers-guy, one day Peter came up to Jesus and asked him a question in Matthew 18:21, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Here is Peter, the one who needed personal forgiveness on at least 7 different occasions himself, here he is being concerned with how many times he had to forgive someone else.
I am going to assume that he was trying to discover a mathematical formula for grace.
# Now I want you to think about it, there are often times that we all come up against certain barriers that keep us from giving the gift of forgiveness to others.
Many of us we have a threshold that we don’t want to cross, a limit we won’t go beyond. I can think of at least three barriers of an unforgiving heart this morning:
1.Revenge “I’m going to get even!”
2.Resentment “I’m going to stay angry!”
3.Remembering “I’ll never forget!”
I imagine that we’ve all asked this question at one time or another. “How many times do I have to forgive this guy? Why does he keep hurting me like he does?”
# Who knows, when Peter asks Jesus this question he may have been thinking of a time when somebody wronged him and he had extended forgiveness. But then maybe this same person may have did something to hurt him the next day. “And again, Peter forgave him”.
Maybe even again a couple days later, his friend lied to him. This time, Peter reluctantly forgave him but now he’s ticked off. Let me ask you a question, “Have you ever been ticked off because someone won’t stop hurting you?”
# I am of the belief that Peter may have wanted Jesus to help him set some limits on forgiveness.
Peter may have wanted to know when it was OK to say, “That’s it, you’ve messed up one too many times mister! (“You ever felt that way? I don’t know with who his beef was but more that likely he had one with somebody.”
Whatever the case, before Jesus could answer, Peter responded to his own question by suggesting that seven times would be a good limit. That’s not a bad answer, but it is not the correct answer.
# The rabbis back then taught that you had to forgive someone three times and then you could retaliate. The fourth time you could do whatever you liked.
In fact, they mistakenly taught the people back then that God only forgives three times. Well Peter doubled that and added one for good measure. I think he thought his answer would impress Jesus.
# Now to be honest, for many of us, forgiving someone seven times would be or is commendable. Because many of us get frustrated if we have to forgive someone twice. So, by human standards, what Peter said was admirable. Notice I said by human standards!
# But Peter wanted a number, a limit, a place where he could finally say, “That’s it -- you’re not getting away with this any longer, our friendship is now over.”
But as Jesus often does, he gives an answer to Peter that is unexpected and disarming.
Take a look at verse 22: “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times.”
I want you to be aware here that Jesus isn’t suggesting that we count the number of times we forgive someone, “Not at all”, seventy times seven actually means there is no limit to the number of times we are to forgive someone. Sadly, many people can’t handle that truth.
The point Jesus was making to Peter and also to each one of us was that, “you don’t keep score when it comes to forgiveness”. Listen folk’s, giving forgiveness has about it a maddening quality because it is undeserved, unmerited, and unfair, it is like giving grace.
2. I Want to Talk About “When We Need Forgiveness”: Since the truth of forgiveness without limits is hard for us as humans to grasp, Jesus tells a story to help illustrate what He meant.
In the first half of the story, Jesus deals with those of us who need forgiveness. Here he gives us some practical help for those times when we’ve wronged someone and stand in need of their forgiveness.
In the second half of the story, He targets those of us who need to forgive others who have wronged us.
Hopefully this story will also give some practical help for those times when someone has wronged us, times when they’re in need of our forgiveness.
# Let’s start with verses 23-24: “Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlements, a man who owed him 10,000 talents was brought to him.”
Here’s the picture. The king in the land decided to call in all his debts. He sent out his collection agents and they came back with a man who owed the king a considerably large amount of money.
The Kings accountant figured that the man in debt owed the equivalent of about $25 million in today’s market let’s just say that was like the entire yearly income for the whole kingdom.
Now, we’re not sure exactly how he ran up this kind of debt but it’s pretty clear that he would never be able to repay the king.
Since he couldn’t pay the debt, in verse 25 it says that, “the master or the King ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.”
The king knew he could never recoup all his losses; he just wanted to get back whatever he could.
# At this point, the servant did what most of us would have done. He fell on his knees and said, “Be patient with me, and I will pay back everything.” Even though he probably realizes he could never pay it all back, but he’s now desperate. He can’t stand the thought of his family being sold because of the debt he ran up.
# The king was moved. The Bible says that he was filled with compassion. And, he does something the man doesn’t even ask for. (Which is a good definition of Grace.)
The king not only releases him; he also forgives the debt. This is at great personal cost to the king. By assuming the debt, he allowed it to go unpaid and thus impoverished his treasury. He wipes the slate clean, erases the books, and cancels the debt. Now the man owes him nothing. Guy’s and gal’s, this is exactly what forgiveness is all about.
To forgive is to cancel the debt. When we’ve wronged someone, and they choose to forgive us, they are in essence saying, “I cancel the debt. The slate has been wiped clean. You don’t owe me anything – I release you from ever having to pay me back.” I want you to notice that the servant did not deserve this forgiveness; it was purely an act of grace and mercy on the part of the king.
# I suspect that some people that will hear this message could have forgiveness issues. Perhaps you’ve done something to someone but you’ve never asked for forgiveness. So, let me give you three steps of action if you’re in need of forgiveness.
#1. The first step you need to take if you’re the guilty party is to meet with your friend or foe face-to-face.
In Matthew 5:24, Jesus put it this way, “If your brother has something against you...go and be reconciled to your brother.”
#2. Own The Wrong. Folks, when we mess up in our relationships, Jesus wants us to own the wrong, to say, “My bad.” It’s not enough to just acknowledge a mistake -- we need to own it completely.
#3. Ask For Release. After facing your friend and owning the wrong, the next step is to ask for release. I suggest that you actually say the words, “Please forgive me.”
3. Point Number Three, When We Need to Forgive Others
Back to the story. As this humbled man walked away with this wonderful gift of forgiveness, he ran into a friend who owed him some money. It wasn’t a lot of money. In comparison to the $25 million that he had owed the king; it was maybe about 100 bucks. Maybe his friend had borrowed the money to take his family out to dinner and hadn’t paid it back yet. Instead of canceling his friend’s debt, verse 28 says that he grabbed him and began to choke him saying, “Pay back what you owe me!”
# That reminds me of something I read once, it goes kind of like this “My nature is the most peaceful in the world. All I ask is a simple home, a decent bed, good food, some flowers in front of my window, and a few trees beside my door. Then, if God wanted to make me completely happy, he would let me enjoy the spectacle of six or seven of my enemies dangling from those trees. I would forgive them all the wrongs they have done me from the bottom of my heart, for we must forgive our enemies. But not until they are hanged.” (Conditions, we love to make conditions.)
Some folks are like that, when someone does something wrong, they want to see them punished, they want them to pay for the damage they’ve done to them.
# Jesus continues by telling us that the forgiven man’s friend fell to his knees and asked for some time.
In fact, his plea was almost identical to the other man’s when he was before the king: “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.” But, there’s one big difference. Instead of forgiving the wrong out of gratitude for the forgiveness he had received earlier from his King, verse 30 says, “he went off and had the man thrown in prison until he could pay the debt.”
Let me apply a thought here. We’re a lot like this man when we don’t forgive others. We enjoy putting people in prison if they’ve wronged us. We want them to suffer, to hurt as bad as they hurt us. “Human nature”
# Did you know, we put people in prison in various ways: We might use the silent treatment, we may simply avoid them, Or, we may launch a volley of verbal assaults
I ask you today, are you holding someone hostage right now? Are you trying to make them feel miserable? Are you determined to punish a friend or family member for something that he or she said to you? You got a few people hanging from a tree in your backyard? If that describes you, let’s pick up the story again to see what happens to the unforgiving man.
# This man made a critical mistake. He threw his friend in prison in broad daylight. Someone saw it happen and reported it to the king. Word got around and soon everyone was talking about it. It wasn’t the fact that the man would not forgive his friend that shocked them. It was that he was so unforgiving after having found such mercy and grace himself from the King.
Now the king when he hears of this is really ticked off now. He sends his soldiers to bring the man before him. Notice verses 32-34: “You wicked servant. I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you? “
In anger his master the King turned him over to the torturers until he paid back all he owed.” This guy had a $25 million debt forgiven. Shouldn’t he have done the same for someone who owed him 100 lousy bucks or so?
# Let me say this with strong emphasis, “what happened to that man will happen to each one of us unless we learn to forgive and forgive and forgive. If you don’t learn to forgive, the torturers will come and take you away and imprison you also.
What torturers, you ask? The hidden torturers of anger and bitterness that eat your insides out. The torturers of frustration and malice that give you ulcers, high blood pressure, migraine headaches, and lower back pain.
The hidden torturers that make you lie awake at night stewing over every wrong that someone has done to you. The torturers of an unforgiving heart which stalks you day and night, which never leaves your side, the torturer who sucks every bit of joy out of your life. ( And why is that? It is because you will not forgive from your heart.
# Here’s the thing folks. While we often try to punish and imprison those who hurt us, the opposite actually happens. When we don’t forgive, we end up being tortured. Do you know where the worst prison is in the entire world is? “It’s the prison of an unforgiving heart”.
# STORY ILLUS
Did you hear about the two men who were in a nursing home and had been quarreling for years? One of the guys thought he was on his deathbed so he called his foe over to his bed and said, “John, I forgive you for what you have said and done against me over the years, and I want you to do the same for me.” The other man, with tears in his eyes, agreed that he too would like to forgive and be forgiven. Then the man in the bed said, “But if I get better, this doesn’t count!” {When you forgive, you had better be real and make it count.}
# Friends, don’t put off forgiveness, don’t allow the roots of bitterness to grow into a tree of hatred and resentment.
Hebrews 12:15 challenges us to not miss the grace of God so that “…no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” If we don’t forgive, we remain bound to the people we cannot forgive, we remain held in their vise grip. And most important of all God tells us if we are unable to forgive that he cannot forgive us and I don’t have to tell you what that means!!!
# Earlier in this same chapter of Matthew ch 18, Jesus put it this way in verse 15: “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” If someone has wronged you, you have the responsibility to go to him or her and work it out.
# As I close: Here are 3 Good Reasons to Forgive.
1.Because we’ve received grace and forgiveness
2. Because an unforgiving spirit inflicts torment
3. Because forgiveness frees people including ourselves
Where are you today? Do you need to ask someone for forgiveness? Have you wronged a friend or family member? If so, determine to face your friend, own the wrong, and ask for release.
Do you need to give someone the gift of forgiveness? Are you tired of living with the effects of an unforgiving spirit? God has given us a free will to choose what is right, or what is wrong, we decide our own fate.
GOD BLESS
