08/04/2026
Why We Do What We Do: Self-Control, Not Control
At Glory City Church Aiken, we make a distinction that a lot of church cultures blur. Control and self-control are not cousins. They are opposites.
Control is when someone overrides your will to get their own outcome. Scripture gives that a name we don't use lightly: witchcraft. It works through domination, intimidation, and manipulation. Although the method can vary, the end result doesn't. When you’ve been controlled, you end up carrying out someone else's will —in an unhealthy way.
Here's the part that should cause us all to stop and deeply reflect: God doesn't do this. He is the only One with the actual right to control us. He made us. He bought us back. —And yet, He still refuses to force our hand or our will. He invites us, He waits for us, and He leads the willing. The cross of Christ exists because God would rather pay for humanity’s wrong choices, at His own immeasurable expense —than take away our autonomous will to choose. Sit with that. The Almighty chooses to wait upon human consent.
..So the only control He commands is the one He plants inside us: "Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls" (— Proverbs 25:28, NKJV). “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”(— Proverbs 25:28, NIV).
Self-control is fruit of the Holy Spirit clearly listed in Galatians 5. Fruit grows from the inside. It cannot be installed from the outside, by pressure or through external force. We've watched people try, and what it produces isn't fruit. It's fear wearing an artificial appearance of fruit's clothing.
Maturity in this house looks like the fruit of self-control, not compliance. Practically, that means this: as maturing sons and daughters, we expect you to choose yourself to submit to Godly authority, without the need for constant requests of Godly alignment. If God-given leadership has to constantly be speaking correction, in order for you to choose to keep healthy alignment, that's not you following the Holy Spirit in submission. Spiritual babies and toddlers need that kind of supervision and constant communication. A son who honors his father, even when no one else is watching, has indeed grown up. That's the level of increasing spiritual maturity, that we are all pursuing and growing in, here.
Do you want to know why so much ungodly control exists in so many churches and ministry cultures? A lot of leaders wrongly believe they can't function (or achieve their ministry goals) without it. Somewhere along the way —their will, their ministry, or their desire for quicker outcomes —grew bigger than their heart to serve (without asserting ungodly control). When a leader’s vision matters more than the people he or she serves, control becomes the tool that keeps a machine running. As leaders, we stand on our convictions to refuse that compromise. We will not engage in ungodly control (equated to witchcraft), even the kind that produces impressive external results. God sees everything, and knows everything.
It’s important to remember, that this mirror of the Word can turn both directions. The temptation to control doesn't only flow from leaders in the pulpits. Congregations can attempt (and sometimes succeed) in wrongly controlling pastors or leadership. Individuals within a congregation or ministry can attempt to assert or wield ungodly control over others. This can happen through guilt tactics, deceptive communication, and even through giving —when it’s used along with a person’s unsanctified personal agenda —as a leverage. Sometimes individuals can try to assert ungodly control on others in the body of Christ through the threats of ‘leaving’ —or through even a more quiet, yet willful, ‘campaign’ to get one’s own ‘way’ in the house. ..We've seen all of it up close, in this country and overseas, ..and it's the same unclean spirits operating in influence, wherever ungodly control is willfully engaged with or tolerated, for too long. Ungodly control never becomes acceptable to God, just because it’s operating from a pew space (instead of a pulpit or platform.) If you find yourself trying to maneuver situations or influence other people through ungodly control (even towards an outcome you believe is ‘right’..), the Holy Spirit is inviting you to lay that down. Surrender it, and choose rightly to trust in God, pray, have self-control, and other invite others —rather than attempt to control them. No person is above this (often times subtle) temptation. Not one.
We'll also tell you the cost up front. Building for the Kingdom of God, and serving others this way, from freedom —takes slower progress. It requires a lot more patience, humility, and long-suffering Holy Spirit fruit.. along with the fruit of self-control. Control can tempt with what seems like instant or accelerated results. Control deceives people or dominates them. Leading groups of people in Godly freedom and free-will choice —takes more time. Each person has to choose to make peace with that. But what freedom builds goes deeper, and truly creates fruit that sustains, healthfully. Freedom is the opposite of control. Self-control makes building cultures of freedom, sustainably possible. Building relationships through Godly freedom creates depth and meaningful trust, that can hold together —even when the pressures and difficulties of life come. Sons and daughters raised in freedom and self-control are healthy when they stay, and healthy when God sends them out to ‘go.’ Give God’s Ways time and patience, and you'll enjoy the fruit of the wisdom of His more excellent ways.
Now hear us clearly, because this gets misread. We are not anti-authority. Accountability is real here, and we take it seriously. But the benefit and disciplines of real accountability are something more than one person chooses. The protections and benefits of Godly accountability will open your life up to trusted people, but that’s always something a person chooses (with his or her own free will), fully engaged. Nobody can rightly ‘extract’ that from you. Godly order matters. "Let all things be done decently and in order" (— 1 Corinthians 14:40, KJV). God builds with His Wisdom of His structure. He just never builds with coercion.
Paul communicated to the church people of Corinth, "Not that we have dominion over your faith, but [we] are fellow workers for your joy" (— 2 Corinthians 1:24a-b, NKJV). That's our lane as leaders. Fellow workers. We should also be able to healthfully see each other, in the body of Christ, that way.
So we will teach you, correct you, and walk with you in accountability —when you invite us into it. We will not dominate you, or intimidate you, or try to wrongfully maneuver you. And we ask the same of each of you —toward us, and towards each other —in the community. If the Holy Spirit Himself won't control you, neither will we. And none of us has a God-given right to control anyone.
“… where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”
(— 2 Corinthians 3:17b, KJV).
