Healing Heart Ministries

10/29/2025

04/17/2025

A strong marriage isn’t about always seeing eye to eye—it’s about learning to see through each other’s eyes. Differences will always exist, but unity is built when both spouses choose to listen, understand, and work together.

True partnership means valuing each other’s perspectives, even when they don’t align, and finding a path forward as a team.

02/06/2025

In just 7 minutes a day over the course of 63 days, you can form a new neural pathway in your brain. This process can have either a positive or negative impact, depending on your meditation focus.
This is where taking a moment to "pause" can serve as a valuable tool that your future self will truly appreciate.
As you practice self-control by taking a moment to "pause" in your thoughts, you will start to strengthen your “pause” muscle.
Initially, it may feel stiff and uncomfortable, much like an unexercised muscle. My suggestion is to push through this discomfort because practicing the act of pausing when negative thoughts arise enhances your capacity to hold back before saying something you might regret later.
The instant you decide to "Pause," you gain the ability to select your subsequent thoughts, one after another. As you reflect on your thoughts, be discerning about what you allow in. Opt for thoughts that foster peace, joy, happiness, contentment, and hope. Choose thoughts that uplift and encourage you. By exercising this beautiful and powerful "Pausing" technique, you, your mind, your future self, and those around you will all reap the rewards.

DaveandmarciaAnn Congdon

01/31/2025

When starting a new relationship with unresolved emotional issues, our heart longs for acknowledgment, understanding, and validation, even if we’re not fully aware of it. Deep down, our heart knows what it needs.

When our hearts feel overlooked due to past painful experiences—what we refer to as hurt-ships, (relationships that hurt)—this unresolved emotional baggage still needs our focus. We will make certain that it receives the acknowledgment it truly deserves.

Sadly, the new partner sitting across from us in our marriage often becomes the one who bears the burden of the unresolved pain we never confronted. Unintentionally, we express our hurt through our words and actions towards them, instead of addressing those feelings with the person truly responsible for our suffering.

Is this truly fair? No, it isn't. The burden of the pain stemming from those we have decided not to forgive and release falls on us, rather than on the person who wishes to love us. If they weren’t present during your moments of hurt, they aren’t the ones responsible. Our mind understands this, but it can take some time for our heart to catch up.

The foundation of a successful and secure marriage lies in maintaining humility by recognizing your faults and shortcomings. Embrace accountability for your actions and take ownership of what is yours.

If you've crossed a boundary, acknowledge it and offer an apology. When your heart embraces humility and sincerity, it will guide you down a path toward peace.

Be open with your partner. Reveal the aspects of your heart that still harbor fear, allowing both of you to heal together.


stries

01/29/2025

Dave and I share a deep understanding of shame and trauma stemming from our backgrounds. The destructive thoughts associated with both can deeply infiltrate your mind, heart, and soul if you let them. In our ignorance of their toxic grip, we engaged in lifestyles marked by sexual perversion and other self-destructive behaviors. We avoided genuine connections out of fear of rejection, convincing ourselves that we were protecting our hearts. However, the truth was that we were the ones rejecting and abandoning ourselves.
In 2012, when Dave and I first crossed paths, we had both experienced retreats, inner healing workshops, and various counseling centers. We had explored every option available to achieve healing for our hearts, spirits, and souls. Both of us had been saved, baptized, and were committed to living Godly lives. When God united us in marriage, we believed that it would be smooth sailing and that our marriage would be effortless. (hearty laugh)

Well, that did not happen!

What transpired was that the parts of our hearts still feeling forgotten, isolated, rejected, and betrayed required reassurance, empathy, compassion, and someone to listen to their cries of pain. We quickly became triggered and retraumatized in our new marriage and many times wanted to quit. Our home became a warzone as we felt betrayed, forgotten, unaccepted, rejected and bad over and over again.
Initially, we felt confused and frustrated because we both believed we had come to terms with our pasts and forgiven those who had wronged us. However, what we uncovered during this journey of inner healing ultimately freed us, paving the way for a renewed and enhanced approach to communication and connection.

We had discovered that in our quest for inner healing, we often overlooked the importance of being gentle, kind, and nurturing to ourselves, rushing through the process instead. We rarely took the time to extend grace, mercy, and understanding to ourselves. Therefore, our hearts remained unheard and unvalidated. In a sense, we avoided truly addressing our feelings in our desire to forgive quickly.
While forgiveness is essential and should be the ultimate goal, ignoring the pain in our hearts constitutes a form of avoidance and neglect.

Until Dave and I discovered how to embrace ourselves with love, acceptance, forgiveness, empathy, grace and compassion, we realized we couldn't genuinely extend those beautiful and necessary traits towards others. How could we, when we hadn't even managed to love or forgive ourselves?
You cannot give what you do not have.

We started by learning to love, accept, nurture, and forgive ourselves as a priority. This foundation allowed us to grasp the essence of these feelings and express them to others. It wasn't until we truly embodied these beautiful qualities that we could genuinely share them with each other and those around us.
As we created a safe environment for ourselves, we also became a safe haven for one another.
By learning to communicate from a place of love rather than fear, we felt heard and validated, which strengthened the foundation of our marriage covenant, making it solid and stable.
Our journey taught us that love is not a passive feeling but an active choice we make every day. It is about showing up for each other, being present, and offering unwavering support. We learned to dance in the rhythm of grace, accepting that we are beautifully imperfect beings on a shared path of growth and discovery.

01/22/2025

Fear is a deceiver and can influence many decisions in your marriage if you let it.
Whether it's fear of rejection, intimacy, connection, failure, or even love, allowing fear to take charge will lead to an overall sense of disconnection. It becomes impossible to experience peace, love, and joy when fear is in control, as fear is linked to punishment, condemnation, and shame.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

In a marriage, both partners must recognize what drives their behavior and why. Each individual should focus on self-improvement rather than placing blame on the other. Shame tends to assign blame, and fear fuels that shame.

When fear dominates our thoughts, it can create a narrative in our minds that depicts us as being attacked or ambushed. If we fail to challenge these thoughts and introduce facts and truth, we may begin to see our spouse as an adversary instead of a partner on the same team.
2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

One of the most common lies that fear shouts is that regaining control requires you to disconnect, disengage, and adopt a defensive stance.
This is misleading because fear is actually the one in charge here and you are not.
To reclaim your control, you must do the opposite, which is to embrace LOVE. Is this simple? Absolutely not! You might feel an internal struggle, as if everything within you is tearing apart, all because of your desire to be right. From this place, you believe you need to seek revenge against what your fears are shouting. I encourage you to embrace the challenge, even if it means doing it while feeling afraid!

Love casts out all fear, and that is an undeniable truth.
By countering fear with love, you encourage the scared and potentially traumatized part of yourself to rise up and take a step toward freedom, and this will set you free from your fear prison, and set your marriage on a new, strong, and blessed path.

DaveandmarciaAnn Congdon

12/30/2024

Upon arriving at my workplace today, I opened my laptop to find a sweet and humorous note from my husband waiting for me.
Personally, my love language isn't "words of affirmation," but I am aware that it is for Dave. Understanding this, I appreciated the note he gave me as a heartfelt expression of his love for me.
In a marriage, it requires two individuals who are dedicated to building a connection, understanding each other, and growing together. Although this journey may demand time and effort, the outcome will be deeply rewarding.
Both of us experienced failed marriages prior to meeting, yet we have both actively pursued healing the inner wounds that led to our past divisions and turmoil and our hearts desire is to not repeat the patterns of our past.
We take responsibility for our mistakes rather than placing blame on others. We make sure to acknowledge what belongs to us and to let go of what does not.
As we continue this journey together, our hearts align with God's intentions and His views on the sacred covenant of marriage. We understand that God's perspective of us and our commitment is what truly holds the most significance.
We aim to demonstrate kindness, patience, and love, following His teachings. In doing so, we not only deepen our connection but also showcase the presence of Jesus in our lives and our marriage. Every day presents a new opportunity to grow closer, to learn more about each other, and to align our actions with the values we cherish. We remind ourselves that challenges are part of the journey and that overcoming them together makes us stronger.

DaveandmarciaAnn Congdon