08/12/2025
15 THINGS YOU MUST NOT DO TO A MAN WHO HAS NOT MARRIED YOU - Bisi Adewale
A Deep Teaching for Christian Ladies Who Want to Honour God and Build Kingdom Marriages
A genuine Christian woman must understand that Kingdom marriage does not begin at the wedding altar; it begins with a life that honours God and respects His standards long before the relationship becomes official.
The Bible remains your standard. The Holy Spirit is your guide. Purity is your crown.
Your decisions today determine whether you will enjoy a stable, godly, peaceful marriage tomorrow.
“As for God, His way is perfect.” (Psalm 18:30)
If you want a perfect marriage, you must follow God’s perfect way.
Below are fifteen things a Christian lady must never do with, or for, a man who has not married her.
1. Do Not Move Into His House
Cohabiting is a silent destroyer of destiny and purity.
It exposes you to sin, steals your value, and gives him what only a husband should have access to.
“Flee fornication.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)
You cannot flee what you willingly move into.
A man who wants you will make marriage arrangements, not accommodation arrangements.
2. Do Not Change Your Name to His
You do not take a man’s name until you take his covenant.
A name without a covenant is a shame waiting to happen.
Marriage comes before ownership, not the other way around.
3. Do Not Start Having S*x with Him
S*x outside marriage invites God’s judgment and multiplies emotional confusion.
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
(Hebrews 13:4)
S*x will blind your discernment, weaken your spiritual authority, and enslave your emotions.
If he cannot honour God with you before marriage, he will not honour God for you inside marriage.
4. Do Not Give Room for Foreplay
Kissing, touching, caressing and any form of erotic stimulation is still s*xual sin.
Jesus said, “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery already in his heart.”
(Matthew 5:28)
Foreplay is simply s*x in instalments. It awakens desires you cannot righteously fulfil.
5. Do Not Sleep in the Same Room or Bed with Him
Darkness and isolation feed temptation.
There is no anointing strong enough to resist repeated physical closeness in a bedroom.
“Make no provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.”
(Romans 13:14)
If you avoid the provision, you will avoid the sin.
6. Do Not Marry Him in Your Heart Before He Marries You in Reality
Some ladies hand over their soul, emotions, future, and dreams to a man who has not even proposed.
Do not submit your destiny to an uncertain commitment.
Guard your heart with all diligence. (Proverbs 4:23)
7. Do Not Be His Wife When You Are Not His Wife
Cooking for him daily
Washing his clothes
Cleaning his house
Sleepovers
Taking care of him like a husband
These things do not make a man marry you; they make him enjoy husband benefits without paying husband price.
Do not give covenant privileges without covenant commitment.
8. Do Not Finance His Responsibility
A relationship is not a charity organization.
It is wrong to carry the full financial burden of a man who has not taken covenant responsibility for you.
A man who is not responsible before marriage will not suddenly become responsible after.
9. Do Not Submit to Him as Though He Is Your Husband
Submission is a covenant requirement in marriage, not before it.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.”
(Ephesians 5:22)
He is not your husband yet.
Respect him, but do not submit your entire life to him.
10. Do Not Give Him Total Access to Your Secrets
Your past
Your spiritual weaknesses
Your family problems
Your financial details
Your vulnerabilities
Marital intimacy is built on trust, but until marriage, you must guard your treasure.
Not every man can handle your truth.
11. Do Not Allow Him to Dictate Your Destiny
Some men start controlling a woman before marriage:
What she wears
Where she goes
Who she talks to
Her assignments in church
Her career or calling
This is not love; it is manipulation.
“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”
(2 Corinthians 3:17)
Do not surrender your divine assignment to a man who has not yet entered a covenant with you.
12. Do Not Allow Him to Disrespect Your Body
Your body belongs to God, not to a boyfriend.
“Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost…?”
(1 Corinthians 6:19)
Any man who disrespects your body will disrespect your destiny.
13. Do Not Live Your Life Around His Approval
If you need his approval to feel valuable, then you have already lost your identity.
Your worth is in Christ, not in the relationship.
“Ye are bought with a price.”
(1 Corinthians 6:20)
14. Do Not Ignore Red Flags
Violence
Anger
Pornography
Irresponsibility
Lack of vision
Pride
Lying
Inability to keep boundaries
Controlling behaviour
Ignoring red flags before marriage is like ignoring smoke before fire.
Wisdom demands attention.
15. Do Not Allow the Relationship to Replace God
Many ladies draw closer to a man and drift farther from God.
Prayer life gone.
Service to God reduced.
Consecration broken.
Purity compromised.
A relationship that pulls you away from God is an attack, not a blessing.
“Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.”
(Exodus 20:3)
Any man who competes with God in your life is not sent by God.
FINAL COUNSEL TO CHRISTIAN LADIES
A Kingdom woman must build her life on:
Purity
Wisdom
Self-respect
Discernment
God’s Word
Emotional boundaries
Honour for her destiny
When you live by God's standard, the right man will honour you.
When you preserve your purity, the right man will value you.
When you keep your dignity, the right man will pursue you with covenant, not convenience.
If you honour God now, He will honour your marriage later.
©️Bisi Adewale
