22/06/2026
🚨 BREAKING: Starmer has resigned.
Sources close to the cost of living crisis say it intends to remain in post.
Inflation has thanked him for his service.
The energy companies have sent flowers.
The rivers are unavailable for comment due to contamination concerns.
Meanwhile, millions of people are still paying more, getting less, and being told everything is moving in the right direction.
Maybe the problem was never the actor.
Maybe it’s the script.