27/09/2026
WHO YOU BECOME DETERMINES WHO YOU ATTRACT
One of the biggest mistakes singles make is spending all their energy asking, “Where is my husband?” or “Where is my wife?” while asking very little, “Who am I becoming?”
Before you pray for the right person, prepare yourself to be the right person.
You may attract someone because of your beauty, money, connection, or appearance, but character is what sustains a healthy relationship.
“Your future relationship will not only be influenced by who you find, but also by who you have become.”
The goal is not simply to attract someone; the goal is to become someone worth building a healthy marriage with.
1. WORK ON YOUR MINDSET
Your mindset influences the kind of relationship you pursue and the kind of person you tolerate.
If you believe marriage is only about money, you may overlook character. If you believe love means suffering endlessly, you may tolerate unhealthy behaviour.
Romans 12:2:
“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind…”
Before God changes your relationship status, He may want to change your thinking.
A person wearing dirty glasses may think the world is dirty. The problem may not be the world—it may be the glasses.
Singles, renew your mind before entering marriage.
2. DEVELOP GOOD CHARACTER
Beauty can attract attention, but character builds trust.
Learn to become honest, patient, responsible, respectful, faithful and emotionally mature.
Proverbs 22:1:
“A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.”
Ask yourself:
* Can I keep my word?
* Can I control my emotions?
* Can I apologize when I am wrong?
* Can I respect someone even when we disagree?
* Can I be faithful when nobody is watching?
A beautiful house with a weak foundation may look impressive, but eventually the foundation will be tested.
Your character is the foundation of your future home.
3. BECOME RESPONSIBLE WITH WHAT YOU HAVE
Marriage is not simply about finding somebody who can provide for you. Learn to manage what God has already placed in your hands.
Being responsible with little prepares you for greater responsibility.
Luke 16:10:
“He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much…”
Learn financial discipline, develop useful skills, work diligently and avoid unnecessary dependency.
If someone cannot manage ₦50,000 responsibly, receiving ₦5 million may not automatically solve the problem.
Don’t only pray for financial increase; develop financial wisdom.
4. LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE
A mature single learns how to express feelings without insults, listen without immediately becoming defensive, and disagree without destroying the relationship.
James 1:19:
“Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
You don’t need to win every argument. Sometimes you need to understand before responding.
Two people can be sitting in the same room but living in two different worlds because neither is listening to the other.
Learn to communicate before you enter marriage.
5. BECOME THE KIND OF PERSON YOU ARE PRAYING FOR
Don’t just pray, “Lord, give me a godly spouse.”
Also pray, “Lord, make me a godly spouse.”
If you want a faithful person, develop faithfulness.
If you want a prayerful spouse, develop your own prayer life.
If you want respect, learn to respect others.
If you want maturity, become emotionally and spiritually mature.
Galatians 6:7:
“For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”
A farmer does not harvest maize after planting beans. You generally reap according to what you sow.
Therefore, don’t spend all your time searching for the right person. Spend time becoming the right person.
FINAL CHARGE
Singles, don’t make marriage your project while making personal growth an afterthought.
Become wiser.
Become healthier emotionally.
Become spiritually stronger.
Become responsible.
Become teachable.
Become trustworthy.
The question is not only, “Who am I going to attract?”
The deeper question is:
“Who am I becoming?”
Because who you become will greatly influence the kind of person you recognize, choose, attract, and build a life with.
Oluwafemi & ‘Tomi ATOLAGBE
I LOVE MARRIAGE!!!
