10/10/2021
Helpful tips while youre watching and praying:
Let's try and dig into why men/women of good intentions are being so easily deceived by trashy men/women..🤦🏽♀️
At first Sparks fly, he’s/she's polite, romantic and affectionate. He/she says the right things and makes you feel good in all the right ways.
As time goes by, once you’ve given him/her your attention or maybe things have gone down, I believe you understand, then everyone starts showing some unexpected behavior.😒
But it is your responsibility not to fall for his/her act. Especially when you have committed time, resources, your heart etc.
And the reason why you keep falling for it is that you invest in men/women based on chemistry (behavior qualities-intangible ) instead of his/her character (moral qualities- tangible).
You decide to become exclusive with men/ladies because they are smart, fun, charming, confident, romantic and make you laugh with their good sense of humor.
Your choice should not be based solely on the above behaviourals .
All of those things might make you feel good, but none of that means he/she is a good person.
What makes a man a good man/woman are the moral qualities and manifestation of values that make up who a person truly is -- Character.
Is he/she Ethical? Dependable? Selfless? Resourceful? Responsible? Self-Controlled? With regards self control, watch the him/her when they are in company of their closest allies, especially when they are in their element . Even if your partner don't have a digital footprint on social media, you can still spot them out by looking up their friend's profile or what their friend's are into.
A man/lady can profess to be a God-fearing, praying person...and still not have any of the good character traits listed above.
It only takes your feelings to have chemistry with a man/lady. Unfortunately, facts or should I say reality of life, doesn't care about your feelings.
But it’s gonna take skill to see right through to a man’s/ lady's character.
One of these skills to develop is learning how to ask carefully-crafted questions that are designed to uncover a man’s/woman's values, motivations, perceptions, beliefs, interest and convictions.
These questions should be open-ended and crafted in a way that he/she can’t easily lie or give a simple “Yes or No”.
For example:
Instead of asking “What do you want to achieve in the next 5 years”
Ask “What were your goals 5 years ago and what have you done in the LAST 5 years to achieve them?” Maybe in both work or love life.
Anyone can have a pipe dream about the future, but the proof of what a man/lady can do is in what he’s/she's already done. Let them show you their receipt.
Instead of asking “So do you like helping people?”
Ask “When was the last time you volunteered or did something for someone for free? And what happened?”
Anyone can say they like helping people...but what has he/she done to help people and how has he/she done it? 🤔⠀
Instead of asking “Are you a praying man/lady ?”
Ask “What do you find yourself praying about lately?”
Anyone can say they pray, but do a man’s/lady's prayer align with your core values and vision for your life?
All this to say...ask better questions to get a better perspective on the person you're entertaining.
When you learn this skill, not only will you guide men/ladies to reveal the dept of their values and convictions, but you will also trigger a variety of ways that you think about your own needs and desires through the responses you receive.
The other skills you will need to develop to uncover a man’s/ lady's character are within:
👉🏾Watching him/her under emotional pressure
👉🏾Observing his/her personal decisions to expose his/her ethics
👉🏾Exploring his/her personal relationships with others
👉🏾Asking carefully-crafted questions that uncover his/her values
Maybe with time you can spot some signs. Mind you , perfection can't be the goal but you are looking for values that are more sustainable, instead of anchoring on chemistry/feelings.
In case you don't understand the above concept and you want to play it safe....Just stick with your kind (like mind). Be careful.
Best wishes.
