27/11/2024
UNDERSTAND WHAT IS COURTSHIP
For all the single men and ladies:
Having encountered and interacted with many singles, I observed with some level of sadness their gross ignorance about COURTSHIP. Therefore, today I write to explain and clarify singles on the subject matter.
WHAT IS COURTSHIP?
Simply put, courtship is a period of time where two lovers having decided to marry, are working towards marriage. At this level, a proposal would have been made signalling engagement or commitment by both lovers. Of course, at this level, both families would have been informed too.
HOW LONG SHOULD A COURTSHIP LAST?
There is actually no time frame with regards to the length of a courtship. However, a good courtship shouldn't be too short or too long. Relationship and marriage counselors, coaches and experts advocate a minimum of 6 months and a maximum of 2 years.
However, not every courtship has really adhered to this recommendation because of the unreadiness of one party to tie the knot at a chosen date, financial reasons, long distance relationships, academics, delay of parental consent, illness, etc.
Christian leaders strongly disapprove of very long courtships so as to curtail some temptations that come with very long wait.
WHAT IS THE TRUE PURPOSE OF COURTSHIP?
The real purpose of courtship is to get to know the person more and discuss and agree on all the salient issues that will help a marital experience.
Examples of what to do/ what you discuss in courtship are:
1. Meet the family of your lover
2. Know where he lives
3. Know your jobs
4. Discuss your spiritual lives
5. Discuss your career plans and their demands
6. Discuss the number of children you would like to have
7. Discuss your finances
8. Discuss every other issue.
9. Discuss how to manage the extended family
10. Discuss educational pursuits and their demands
11. Discuss the type, size, place and funding of your wedding
12. Pray often together for yourselves and your future together.
N.B: At this level of relationship, if you still have some secrets that may affect your marriage in the future, reveal them. For instance, if you have a love child, lost your womb, have a serious medical condition, indebtedness, etc., reveal that to your partner. A true lover sent by God will never look down on you, mock you, insult you or dump you. Rather, that lover will be full of compassion, admiration and respect for you. However, don't be afraid of seeing your relationship come to an end because you are honest. If someone is meant for you, they won't leave you.
WHAT YOU CAN DO AND WHAT CAN'T DO DURING COURTSHIP:
WHAT YOU CAN DO....
1. Pray together
2. Communicate effectively
3. Show care
4. Give each other career support
5. Encourage each other
6. Discuss your future together
7. Discuss salient issues
8. Read books and articles on relationship/marriage
9. Attend relationship and marriage seminars
10. Attend marriage counseling sessions with a counselor or coach.
11. Plan for your wedding and marriage
12. Foster a great understanding
13. Build a strong friendship
14. Be real to each other.
WHAT YOU CAN'T DO
1. No premarital s*x
2. No s*xually explicit chats
3. No pregnancy out of wedlock
4. No sending of n**e pictures
5. No smooching, caressing or fondling
6. No French kisses.
7. No sleeping in the same room and on the same bed.
In conclusion, courtship should lead to the altar. However, should that not happen, no problem, please move on. Any courtship that seems to undermine your personal moral principles, religious beliefs and convictions should be discontinued.
Any courtship where commitment is diminishing and love is waning by the day should be discontinued. Any courtship where there are lies, distrust, dishonesty, fears, confusion and cheating should be discontinued because that can never be God's will for you. During courtship both of you should never ignore any of your salient issues. Discuss everything of importance to you and agree.
If you don't agree on them, that is, you can't find a common ground, there is no need to continue with the relationship. If your heart is full of fears, you don't have peace of mind and assurance from God towards that person, please end that relationship.
God's will for you in marriage is restful peace of mind, personal conviction and assurance from God, provable love and commitment towards you from your lover. Don't be afraid of losing them in courtship. Because a broken courtship is better than a broken marriage.
*Be wise*
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Elizabeth Ivang Chidi-Egonu
