31/03/2025
Before marriage, when a couple is courting, they constantly tell each other how they feel. They don’t assume anything. They pay attention to every little detail, every nuance of voice, every gesture and facial expression. They never presume to second-guess each other. They talk sweet things to each other on the phone for three hours and, meeting in person an hour later, spend two more hours saying more of the same. They compliment each other, give each other gifts, and spend every available moment together.
This constant attention to each other is good and necessary to building a strong relationship because it produces in each person a deep sense of secu- rity. They feel secure in each other’s love and affection so that even when they are apart they still bask in the warmth of the knowledge that someone loves and cares about them. The more often we are told that we are loved, the more secure we feel.
For some reason, things begin to change after a couple gets married. It usually does not happen right away. Gradually the husband and wife start to assume things about each other. The husband stops saying to his wife, “I love you,” as often as he once did. He assumes, “She knows I love her. I don’t need to tell her all the time.” This may not even be a conscious thought. They stop going out to dinner or on other dates. They stop giving “just because I love you” gifts or cards or flowers to each other. They have become comfortable together, and this comfort breeds a familiarity that can cause them to slowly drift apart without even realizing it.
When a married couple becomes too familiar with each other, a lot of the adventurous spontaneity goes out of their marriage. Marriage should be stable and strong so that both partners feel secure, but within that environ- ment there should always be room for adventure. One excellent way to keep a marriage alive and vital and exciting is for the husband and wife both to be spontaneous at times—to do something unexpected. It may be some- thing big, like a weekend away just the two of them, or something small and simple, like a candlelight dinner or a bouquet of flowers “just because.” The key is to avoid familiarity and predictability by never taking each other for granted. Among other things, this means developing the practice of reg- ularly expressing appreciation for each other.
DR. MYLES MUNROE