15/03/2020
ECERPTS FROM THE SERMON PREACHED TODAY, 15TH MARCH 2020 AT THE CHURCH OF RESURRECTION, PEGI ESTATE, ABUJA BY VENERABLE EMEKA ANYAORAH AS SUMARIZED BY BRO PETER UCHE NNABUIKE.
THEME: Faith in God, Christian Marriage (James 1:6-7, Matthew 19:4-6)
Topic: Conflict in Marriage and the Way Out.
Conflict according to an online dictionary is defined as a clash or disagreement, often violent, between two opposing groups or individuals. It is a disagreement between two people because of preferences. It can also be within an individual. Conflict has both positive and negative aspects.
2. Conflict in marriage is inevitable. In marriage, conflict is bound to crop up because the spouses are from different backgrounds. The temperaments are also different. The congregation was referred to Matthew 19:3-11 where the Jews posed questions bothering on marriage and divorce. ‘The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, all men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given’.
3. Among the causes of conflict in marriage include:
Infidelity: This has to do with the violation of marriage contract by adultery - having sexual relationship with someone other than the person’s husband or wife. Any one that practices the above should desist from it because Bible admonished us in Ephesians chapter 5 that sexual immorality should not be mentioned among the believers. Also in Hebrews 13:4, it said, ‘Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge’.
Denial of conjugal right: Whenever a spouse is denied his or her conjugal right, often that person is not happy. In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, the word of God said, ‘let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency’.
Lying and Deceit: The book of Amos said that two cannot work together unless they agree. Lying will make your partner not to trust you. If you must avoid conflict, you must not lie to your spouse
Discrimination in in Relationship: When you get married and wouldn’t want any relation of your spouse to come around but will always want your own relations, there will be problems. When you are in marriage, your spouse’s relations automatically becomes your own relations too.
Child Training and Discipline: Hear what the word of God said about Child’s discipline in the scriptures: i. Proverbs 22:6 & 15 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. ii. Proverbs 23:13 - Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. iii. Proverbs 29:15&17 - The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. If you fail to correct a Child and thinking that he/she will outgrow foolishness that Child will grow into a monster.
Disrespect or insubordination: No matter what ever your husband has done, disrespecting him is not an option. It is unchristian to pay evil for evil. Romans 12:17 (Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men). Hear what the word of God said in Ephesians 5:33, ‘Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband’. Christians conquer with love. It is very possible that by your right attitude, your unbelieving spouse may give his/her life to Christ.
Money: Every husband should know that his wife is his responsibility and every wife should know that because she is a suitable help helper, she is under obligation to fill in the blanks whenever there is a gap. Wives should remember that their husbands are their glory. An adage said that one doesn’t know the value of what he has until he loses it.
Lack of in-depth or comprehensive Communication: One shouldn’t allow communication gap in his/her marriage. When there is lack of communication, there will be assumption. Learn to bare your heart to your spouse. If you don’t want to talk, don’t marry. You cannot be lovers and live like strangers.
Non expression of love: When the love for your husband or wife is bottled in the heart, it brings about conflicts. You should learn to express your love for your spouse. Always be available when you are needed. Remember, there is no other person that the Bible said is one with you except your spouse.
4. Pseudo/False Means of Conflict Management in Marriage:
Force or fight
Denial or avoidance
Crying
Intimidation
Trading blames
Divorce/Flight
He summarized by asking the congregation not to fight the devil with the weapons of the devil.