08/08/2026
𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗖𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗜𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲𝘀 𝗔𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗖𝗼𝘂𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘀
Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
The matter in which the husband’s mother, (and) the wife’s mother goes to help in taking care of the wife who just delivered needs to be discussed due to some observations I have encountered.
It’s a cultural practice in Yorubaland. In fact not just only in Yorubaland. And those who invented these practices did so out of empathy because whenever a woman gives birth, she will be frail in all aspects. So, I assume this was why this cultural (practice) was put in place to provide the woman (who just delivered a baby) with all the necessary help she needs. A woman who has undergone surgery to give birth will not be physically healthy instantly. May Allaah bless those who thought and put this practice in place.
But this is my observation.
A woman has just given birth, her mother-in-law has come around, her own mother is also around to help in tending to the baby. Maybe there are also relatives from the families who have also come to help the mother and the new baby.
And all these family members will not be around for just a day or two, some even spend months (with the mother and the baby).
My observation which is borne out of my experience as a marital counselor is that this particular practice is causing a major problem among couples in the home.
And I actually mean a very huge and major problem in their (couples) home. This is because it’s leading to ‘see finish’.
Firstly, these (family members) should consider that those they are going to help might not have the wherewithal to feed everyone of you that had come to help them. And it will be difficult to speak up, especially for the man. He may not have the financial capability which will now expose his status to those around. It will now seem like he is not taking good care of the woman.
Those of us who are going to help the mother who just gave birth should put this into their consideration.
Secondly, this is also leading to ‘see finish’. The see finish is that they will begin to see each other's shortcomings. The husband’s mother will see the mistakes and shortcomings of the wife’s mother and vice versa.
Have we forgotten the saying of the Prophet (Salallahu Alayhi Wa Salaam), who had said if you want to know someone very well, do three things, and one of those things is to live with them.
Living together with someone shows their true character. And even Yorubas alluded to this with the saying that "It is from a distance that siblings are enjoyable”.
This coming of the family members has led to a lot of problems.
And the question I want to ask is that even if we want to help the woman and the baby, is it actually necessary that the wife and husband's mothers, including other family members, be present with the couple? I think one person should suffice. Even that one person is also causing havoc, talkless of two to three persons.
For example, if it’s the husband’s mother that goes, she will see the shortcomings of her son’s wife. The same goes for the wife as she will also see the shortcomings of her husband’s mother.
Some of the flaws the husband has taken and accepted from the wife will now be exposed to her mother-in-law.
Likewise, if it’s the wife’s mother that has gone to stay with the couple, she will see the flaws of the husband and vice versa.
And as you all know regarding some of our mothers, what we know is very different from what they know. Their ideology is also different from our own. These differences will now create issues among both parties.
So, even one person going to help the mother and child is causing problems, not to mention plenty of people.
For the sake of Allaah, the practice of going in droves to the help of the mother who just gave birth should be revised. Even if the person is wealthy.
The practice cannot be completely expunged but if we discovered that in some house, the coming of one of the mothers will cause pandemonium in the home, then such visit should be disregarded. Let the mother take care of her baby by herself, if that is what will work for her marriage.
Asalaamu Alaykum.
Imaam Sanni Kay Yusuf
Transcribed by Sulaiman Olayinka Saddiq
