03/09/2026
YE SHALL NOT GO UP
Divrey HaYamim Bais 11:4
“Thus saith HASHEM, Ye shall not go up, nor make war against your achim… Shuvu, every ish to his bais; for this thing is done from Me.”
— Divrey HaYamim Bais 11:4
There was a time when I was ready to go up.
I had the paintings.
I had enough for an exhibition.
I had a dream—perhaps even a reasonable one.
The world before me was colourful.
A gallery.
Beautiful walls.
Paintings displayed.
People looking.
Perhaps selling.
Perhaps becoming known.
And I was walking toward it.
Then He said, “Ye shall not go up.”
Not because art was wrong.
Not because I was incapable.
Not because the paintings were worthless.
Just—
“Do not go that way.”
So I turned back.
I wish I could say I turned back because I was extraordinarily faithful.
I didn’t.
I turned back because He would not give up on me.
And His will looked very different from what the world offered.
The gallery was colourful.
His way was covered in clouds.
For a long time, I could not understand the cloud.
If I could not see the destination, what was I supposed to do?
And the answer seemed strangely small:
Keep painting.
So I did.
The paintings changed.
The figures became distorted.
The hands became awkward.
The bodies became imperfect.
Compared with my earlier paintings, they hardly looked “gallery level.”
Yet when I look at those earlier paintings now, some of them seem strangely empty.
Pretty—
but empty.
These imperfect figures carry something else.
They carry the journey.
They carry the little moments.
The laughter.
The tears.
The waiting.
The turning back.
The learning.
The moments when I could not see clearly.
They carry all that we have walked.
“For He hath been with me in all that I have walked.”
— Divrey HaYamim Alef 17:8
I still cannot see clearly beyond the cloud.
I do not know what these paintings will become.
I do not know whether they will ever hang in galleries.
I do not know what “fruit” the world would call them.
But I know this:
The cloud has not hidden His Presence.
It has only hidden the road ahead.
And perhaps that is enough.
Because I have learned that seeking His face does not always mean knowing where He is taking me.
Sometimes it means hearing:
“Ye shall not go up.”
And turning around.
Sometimes it means returning home with the paintings still in my hands.
Sometimes it means walking without knowing where the road will lead.
And sometimes the greatest testimony is not:
“Look what I have accomplished.”
but simply:
“Look where He has walked with me.”
“Thy presence shall go with me, and I will give thee rest.”
— Shemot 33:14
The gallery may still be colourful.
The cloud may still be dark.
The future may still be hidden.
But the little moments we have walked together—
they are not dark at all.
They are full of Him.
And so I will keep painting.
Not because I know where these paintings are going.
But because He is here.
🩵
‘Poem crafted with the help of ChatGPT, prayerfully guided by ‘The Presence’.