20/08/2026
THE MAN WHO COULDN’T SAY “NOT YET” FOREVER
He became one of the greatest theologians in Christian history.
A bishop.
A saint.
A Doctor of the Church.
But before all that, Augustine was a young man enslaved to his passions.
At 17, while studying in Carthage, Augustine entered a long-term relationship with a woman he never married. They remained together for about 15 years and had a son, Adeodatus—“given by God.”
Augustine loved his son.
But he struggled deeply with sexual sin.
Later, when his family arranged a respectable marriage for him, he sent the woman he had lived with away. But because the marriage would not happen for two years, Augustine entered another relationship.
He knew what he wanted.
He wanted God.
He wanted chastity.
But he wasn't ready to surrender everything.
In his Confessions, Augustine famously wrote:
“Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.”
That sentence captures something painfully human.
He wasn't saying, “I don't want God.”
He was saying, “I want God… but not yet.”
How many people pray that same prayer without realizing it?
“Lord, I'll change later.”
“After this relationship.”
“After I'm married.”
“After I enjoy myself a little longer.”
“Just give me more time.”
Augustine eventually reached the point where he could no longer live divided between what he knew was true and what he wanted.
In Milan, in a garden, he broke down in tears.
Then he heard what sounded like a child's voice saying:
“Take and read.”
He opened Scripture and read Romans 13:13–14, which called him to abandon the works of darkness and “put on the Lord Jesus Christ.”
And Augustine finally surrendered.
The man who had spent years negotiating with God began a radically different life.
He was baptized by St. Ambrose.
He eventually became a priest and bishop.
And the former slave of his passions became one of Christianity's greatest teachers on grace, conversion, and the human heart.
But Augustine's conversion didn't happen in isolation.
Behind him stood his mother, St. Monica.
For years she prayed and wept for her son.
She prayed while Augustine wandered.
She prayed while he rejected the Catholic faith.
She prayed while he pursued worldly desires.
The garden was the moment Augustine surrendered.
But Monica had spent years bringing that moment before God.
And that's one of the most beautiful lessons of his story:
Never assume someone is beyond conversion.
Never assume your prayers are useless.
And never assume your struggle means holiness is impossible.
Augustine didn't become a saint because he never struggled with lust.
He became a saint because, by God's grace, he eventually stopped making peace with his sin.
The man who once prayed, “not yet,” eventually learned to say, “Take me, Lord.”
St. Augustine, who knew the chains of lust and experienced the freedom of God's grace, pray for us.
Help us stop negotiating with God.
Help us surrender completely.
And obtain for us the courage to say:
“Lord, not tomorrow.
Today.” 🙏✝️
