27/05/2024
FOUNDATION OF A GODLY MARITAL RELATIONSHIP
GENESIS 1:26-28, 2:18-25
INTRODUCTION
Everything in life has a purpose. Understanding the inherent, God-given purpose for the male and female will enlighten your understanding of your spouse.
Understanding Marriage is very Important
If you bought a camera without proper training on how to use it and you completely disregarded the manual you’d be angry when you couldn’t operate it.
It is same to trying to operate a marriage without reading its proper manual, the Bible.
What is Marriage? Marriage is when two separate, unique, and whole persons (one male, one female) make a covenant to exchange vows, committing themselves to remain together until death.
Marriage can also be portrayed using a Ghanaian-Africa meal called “Fufu” and soup.
It goes like this: “Fufu” is an enjoyable meal of most west Africans. “Fufu” is prepared with cassava and plantain. The cassava and plantain are boiled. The cassava is partially pounded to mash separately, using pestle and mortar. The plantain is likewise done the same. The mashed plantain is added to the mashed cassava in the mortar and a pestle is used to pound several times until the two ingredients are thoroughly mixed. When the plantain thoroughly mixes with the cassava in the mortar, the mixture becomes soft. You can no longer distinguish or separate the plantain from the cassava. The cassava loses its original color, likewise the plantain. The new product called “Fufu” assumes a new color.
Similarly, marriage or marrying is a process. It takes time and some pressure to develop into a beautiful institution. It is not an event that occurs one time.
Genesis 1:26-28 introduces us to the concept of “MAN”, What, Who, How, and Why.
What? is a question of content. It answers the question of the stuff mankind is made of; his component part.
Who? is a question of identity.
How? is a question of function
Why? Is a question of purpose or the original intent of mankind’s creation.
God made everything good. He made a good man.
In the Hebrew, the word “MAN” is a plural word. Meaning male man and female man. So the foundation of everything that is good in the world is God, and this includes marriage, One of God’s foundations for human societies and communities.
So, if marriage foundation is faulty, there is nothing the righteous can do. Psalm 11:3. The foundation of every human marriage must be based on God and not on humans. Genesis 2 sets a foundation for relationship between men and women. Verses 18 - 25
Vrs 18; Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the part he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This one at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called ‘woman, for she was taken out of man.” 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Helper means assistance, backing, benefit, support, relief, comfort, it also means provision, care, maintenance and upkeep
Fit or Suitable means; appropriate, fitting, right, proper and meet.
Leave means to separate.
Cleave means to cling, keep close, join fast together, to glue, and to cement
So as a woman, you are to assist the man to achieve his mandate in life.
As a helper you are going to walk by his side. And not ahead of him.
Marriage essentials
There are five essentials mentioned in this passage that makes up a secure foundation on which to build a lasting marriage relationship.
1. A COMMON DESIRE
The common desire here is for companionship. (18)
Helper means: one who matches him, one who complements him. That is a partner, not a roommate who splits the responsibilities but for companionship who shares a life and is willing to give himself or herself to the other person.
The common desire here is for companionship. (18) A husband without a clear purpose and vision for his life makes for a frustrated wife. Your wife is a helpmate, but if you’re not doing anything, how can you expect your wife to help with it?
2. A COMMON APPRECIATION
This is the recognition, understanding and respect of both the similarities and the unique differences between a husband and a wife as a man and a woman. 21 – 23
Adam said…..
“This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh”
Adam is saying ‘she is just like me’
He also said she is uniquely different from me. She looks different than I do. so, note this.
God created men and women equal, and He created them different.
“Different” doesn’t mean one is inferior or superior to the other; it simply means different.
The differences between men and women are necessary because of their God-given purposes.
3. A COMMON COMMITMENT
Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 kjv).
The key words here are Leave and Cleave. (24) which has been defined earlier in the article. It simply means being willing to forsake all others to be united to one person.
It is leaving the previous security of home and parents and independence to create a new security, a new home, a new priority of loyalty to one person. Men are to leave mother and father and cleave to the woman they marry. The result? You and your wife become one flesh.
God did not initiate the human race by putting a parent and child in the garden of Eden. He put Adam and Eve there, husband and wife. That shows that the primary human relationship, the family, is husband and wife, and they are the key to every other relationship. When you continually place your parents’ opinions and views before your spouse’s, you are planting seeds of destruction, and you will eat the fruit of divorce.
4. A COMMON TRUST
Adam and Eve were naked and had no problem about it. They felt save in each other's presence. No masks, no covers, no dark secrets. The climate of safety we create for one another will either enhance or detract from the level of trust we experience with one another.
Men, because you are cultivators. Your job is to cultivate your wife so she can be all God created her to be.. Men are like the soil and women are like seed, plant them in a good soil and you will enjoy it fruits. As man, you are to be a head of the family. Being a head means being a leader, in terms of thinking, planning, and making financial decision by granting consultation with wife and children when there are one and grown.
Headship signifies management, control and supervisory stills.
5. A COMMON CONVICTION
This is the common faith that the Lord is the very Centre of the marriage relationship. He is the one who calls our marriage together, the one who directs its outcomes. Jesus Christ our Lord is the third member of every marriage.
CHARACTERISTICS OF BIBLICAL MARRIAGE
1. Marriage is permanent. Matt. 19:6
2. Marriage is monogamous. Gen. 2:24, I Cor 7:2
3. Mature people marry. Matt. 19:5
4. Love. Eph 5:22-25
5. Marriage is Honorable. Heb. 13:4
6. Marriage is a Roleless relationship. Marriage is an adventure. The process itself is at once exciting, intimidating and at least a little scary. Couples need to work out together the decision-making mechanism in the family and clearly articulate their expectation of each other.
Question like the following ….
How will decision be made and who will make them.
What is the husband's role? what is the wife’s role?
Marriage should not be entered with preconceived mindset regarding roles. A successful marriage depends in part on a proper understanding of roles.
Husbands and wives need to work out together the decision-making mechanics in the family and clearly articulate their expectations of each other.
How will decisions be made and who will make them? What is the husband's role"? What is the wife's role"? Most couples enter marriage with some preconceptions regarding roles. Example, the husband works to provide for his family while the wife manages the home and the children. Preconceptions of marital roles are not always correct. Why? They are sometimes based on outdated customs or cultural ideas. Another reason is that they often fail to allow for individual gifts, talents, or abilities that are not necessarily gender-based. A successful marriage depends in part on a proper understanding of roles;
Sources of role perception.
Tradition: we adopt particular roles because that is the way it has always been done "Husbands are the "breadwinners"; wives work at home cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children. Tradition is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes tradition is important for maintaining stability and order. Traditions can be founded on error just as easily as they can be founded on truth. Traditions have a way of outlasting the circumstances that originally brought them into being.
Parents: They are the primary channels through whom traditional role concepts are passed to the next generation. Most people adopt the role identities and relational methods they modeled at home while they were growing up. Whether those models were positive or negative they adopted them as their standard in their marriage lives later. Parental models of marital roles should be carefully evaluated because they may be wrong.
Society: popular culture is another significant source for defining marital roles. Unlike traditions which remain unchanged for generations, social evolution is constantly creating new customs and trends. Through the schools, entertainment and media modern society communicates its values and belief systems. The pervasiveness of this influence makes it easy for anyone, even unwary believers, to easily pick up and internalize these values subconsciously and practice them later. When believers bring worldly values and attitudes into their relationship, trouble always result.
Church: traditionally, the Church has been one of the primary shapers of marital role perceptions. It is an unfortunate fact that many of the teachings of the Church regarding marital roles and male/female relationships in general have been negative, particularly where the woman is concerned.
6. Marriage is a Roleless relationship
**Note* that roles and responsibilities are TEMPORAL
Marital roles responsibilities may depend on each person's training, abilities or temperament.
Questions like
Who should prepare the meals? Whoever is the best cook.
Who should manage the family finances? Whoever has the best head for figures and bookkeeping.
3. Who should do the house cleaning? Whoever lives in the house.
4.Who should wash the dishes? Whoever dirties them.
5. Who should make the bed? Whoever sleeps on it.
Clear authority and responsibilities between a husband and wife establish order and helps prevent confusion.
Conclusion
A. The husband
He is the head of the home, the spiritual leader responsible for spiritual direction of the family.
He’s to love the wife in the same way Christ loved the church, sacrificially and unconditionally
B. The wife
is to respect the husband and submit to his headship.
