27/05/2026
Useful post by Mike Judge from Evangelical Times...
https://tinyurl.com/5f3h8hmz If young Christian women are saying most men they meet are snowflakes, what hope do churches have of finding good men to train for ministry?
I was visiting good friends recently, and I was gently teasing their young adult daughter by asking her if there was any sign of romance on her horizon. She’s a godly, sensible, intelligent, pleasant, accomplished Christian woman with a good sense of humour. She leaned forward and said, ‘Most of the men I meet are snowflakes.’
She means men who melt under pressure. Men who are easily offended, easily frightened, easily misled. Men who can spend three hours debating coffee beans and beard oil, but cannot make a decision, shoulder responsibility, or show spiritual backbone. Men who talk endlessly about ‘finding themselves’ but have never once showed any hint of denying themselves. Men who want the privileges of adulthood without the duties that come with it.
Now, before the angry emails begin, let me clarify. Not every young man fits this description. There are many faithful young Christian men quietly serving Christ with courage and humility. Thanks be to God for them. But enough young women are saying the same thing that we should at least pause long enough to ask whether there is some truth in it. And perhaps there is.
I have a vested interest in this issue, for I am a father of daughters. They are still young but one day (much too soon for my liking) they will grow to be women. And as I get older, I imagine it will become more and more important to me that they settle down with good men who will protect and provide for them. If you think that’s old fashioned of me, I don’t care. But the question is, will there be any good men for them to marry?
For decades our culture has been confused about masculinity. On one hand, we are told masculinity is toxic. On the other hand, men are criticised for failing to be strong, decisive, sacrificial leaders. We have mocked fathers, trivialised husbands, and treated male responsibility as a relic of a primitive age. Is it any wonder some young men retreat into passivity, endless adolescence, gaming chairs, and vague emotionalism?
It’s not just an issue of Christian women struggling to find good men. Churches too are struggling to find good men to train for leadership positions. I recently attended an assembly of churches where the theme was, in part, that very issue: how do we train up a new generation of men to be preachers and pastors, ministers and elders, deacons and evangelists?
One of the pastors at the assembly said to me, many churches don’t even have young men attending, let alone being considered for leadership. I asked him why he thought that was. He answered, too many soft men in the pulpit, too many soft songs sung by the congregation. He said, there’s no manliness in our churches anymore. Men have been turned off, he said, by the feminisation of our churches.
Don’t misunderstand where I’m heading with this. I’m not advocating for the type of muscular Christianity which is simply an excuse for bullies in the pulpit and tyrants in the leadership. But we do need men to be men. Men of character. Men of faith. Men of courage. Men of strength. Men of the word. Men of prayer. Men of holiness. And we need men who will actually lead.
Some churches have become strangely apologetic about manhood, as though every sermon on leadership requires a lengthy disclaimer. Some pastors seem terrified of sounding authoritative in case someone somewhere accuses them of ‘spiritual abuse’. And some worship music sounds less like soldiers of Christ marching to war and more like a lovesick teenager writing poetry in his diary.
Again, balance is needed. Christianity does not call men to swagger or to dominate with chest-beating machismo. Jesus Christ was not a thug. He was meek and lowly in heart (Matthew 11:29). He welcomed children, showed compassion to the weak, and wept at the tomb of Lazarus. Yet this same Jesus also overturned tables in the temple, rebuked hypocrites to their faces, set his face like flint toward Jerusalem, and endured the cross with unwavering courage. Biblical masculinity is not brutality. It is strength under submission to God.
The Apostle Paul did not say, ‘Be childish and comfortable.’ He said, ‘Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong’ (1 Corinthians 16:13). Scripture consistently calls men to responsibility, courage, self-control, sacrifice, and leadership. Adam was created to work and keep the garden. Joshua was commanded to be strong and courageous. David, despite all his failures, charged his son Solomon to ‘show yourself a man’ by walking in obedience to God (1 Kings 2:2-3).
And perhaps that is the key point. The world tells men to express themselves. The Bible tells men to deny themselves. Real manhood is not found in aggression or apathy, but in godliness. A real Christian man keeps his word. He protects the vulnerable. He repents when he sins. He works diligently. He loves sacrificially. He serves quietly. He does not abandon his wife, neglect his children, or drift through life allergic to commitment. He takes responsibility because Christ has taken hold of him.
The greatest model of manhood the world has ever seen was a carpenter from Nazareth who washed feet and carried a cross. And the church desperately needs true men again. We need pastors who preach the Word without embarrassment or cowardice. We need fathers who lead family worship instead of outsourcing discipleship entirely to youth groups and YouTube. We need young men who are willing to labour, marry, raise children, serve the church, and endure hardship like good soldiers of Jesus Christ (2 Timothy 2:3).
We also need churches that actually encourage this. Churches where boys are taught that courage and tenderness are not opposites. Churches where men are expected to serve, lead, pray, and pursue holiness. Churches where grace is abundant but standards are not abandoned. Churches where Jesus is presented not as a life coach for middle-class comfort, but as the risen King who commands repentance and deserves total allegiance.
And perhaps we should say this too: Christian women are not asking for the impossible. They are not searching for millionaire athletes with theological degrees and six-pack abs. Most godly women simply long for men who genuinely love Christ, who possess conviction and commitment, and who are willing to lead with humility and faithfulness. That should not be too much to ask.
The irony is that true Christianity produces the very kind of men our culture claims to want but increasingly struggles to create. History is full of Christian men who built hospitals, defended the weak, pioneered missions, endured persecution, cared for their families, and shaped nations because they feared God more than man.
The answer, then, is not a return to some caricature of hyper-masculinity. Nor is it more soft sentimentalism pretending weakness is a virtue. The answer is Christ. When men follow Christ seriously, they become stronger, not softer; humbler, not weaker; servants, not spectators. And perhaps then fewer young Christian women will feel the need to lean forward and sigh, ‘Most of the men I meet are snowflakes.’
