12/08/2026
After more than 40 years of moving through magical, occult and Pagan circles, I’ve come to recognise something that I find both fascinating and uncomfortable. Modern-day witches and magical people are not immune to the same wounds, insecurities, egos and power struggles that exist everywhere else. In fact, sometimes I wonder whether those vulnerabilities can become even more visible in magical communities.
I’ve met people whose seemingly enormous confidence feels less like genuine self-assurance and more like armour, a way of appearing more powerful, knowledgeable or important than they actually feel inside. I’ve met men who use their occult interests and knowledge to coerce, control or intimidate others, presenting themselves as something far greater than they really are. Perhaps I’ve simply met the wrong people. I’ve certainly met some wonderful people too. But the difference between the two can stand out a mile.
There are the big “I am” personalities who cannot engage in an ordinary discussion without turning it into a competition. They have to be right, and you have to be wrong. There are those who belittle others and then justify it with, because they’ll also say it to your face, as well as behind your back. No. Being willing to say something cruel directly to someone’s face doesn’t magically make it acceptable. What concerns me particularly is when people like this work directly with the public, often with people who are vulnerable. Magical and Pagan communities can attract people who are searching for meaning, belonging, healing or a sense of power. That makes the responsibility of those who lead, teach or facilitate these spaces even greater.
Of course, this isn’t unique to witchcraft or Paganism. Wherever there is power, status, belonging or vulnerability, there will always be people who genuinely want to help, and people who want to exploit. When I became the admin of the Newark Hearth and Home Pagan Community, it was already a group with more than 15 years of history behind it. I was terrified. I had been entrusted with something that mattered. Something that had existed long before I came along and that I wanted not only to maintain, but hopefully help grow into something even more meaningful. A wonderful community of like-minded Pagan people where everyone could feel welcome.
Yes, as an admin and facilitator of our moots, I am a leader of sorts. But I have never wanted that leadership to be hierarchical or based on control. I don’t believe leadership means being above people. It means creating space, listening and facilitating. I think that is one of the reasons our community continues to grow. People do come and go. Of course they do. We won’t be the right community for everyone, and that’s okay. No community can be everything to everyone. But we are still here. We are still growing.
And I’ve had several people, (mostly men) tell me that I shouldn’t bother carrying on with the group. Others have told me, and sometimes told other people, that I’m not doing it “right”. But right according to whom? That, once again, brings me back to ego. I don’t believe there is one person sitting at the top of a Pagan pyramid holding the definitive instruction manual for how a community must be run. There are different traditions, different approaches and different ways of creating meaningful spaces. Mine is based on inclusion, kindness, curiosity, shared experience and community rather than hierarchy and control. Just as it was intended when this group began. I will continue to grow this Pagan community.
I’ll admit that in doing so it can be daunting. Putting yourself out there, taking responsibility and allowing people to see you as a leader means accepting that not everyone will agree with you. But disagreement is not the same as failure, and criticism does not automatically make someone right.
One thing I will not tolerate is being judged by people who have never walked in my shoes. I know what cruelty can do to a person. I know that words can stay with people long after the person who said them has forgotten them. And because I know that, I would rather choose kindness.
That doesn’t mean I think life is all glitter, moonlight and sparkles. It isn’t. I know there is darkness. I know there are difficult people. I know that sometimes boundaries need to be strong and consequences need to exist. But strength and cruelty are not the same thing. Power and domination are not the same thing. By the same token, confidence does not require you to make someone else feel small.
I have days when life is difficult. Days when my body puts limits on what I can do and when simply getting out of the house isn’t possible. But I don’t consider that weakness. To me, strength isn’t measured by how loudly someone declares their power, how much occult knowledge they claim to possess, or how many people they can dominate. I see more strength in the people who face difficulty and keep going.
I see it in the people who have been knocked down by life but refuse to become cruel because of it. I see it in those who stand beside others rather than above them. I see it in the Pagans who walk their path with conviction, curiosity and courage without needing to tell everyone else that their path is the only right one.
We work with darkness as well as light. We understand cycles, endings, beginnings, death and renewal. We know that the natural world is not always gentle, yet it continues to grow, adapt and return. To me that is real power. Not ego. Not domination. Not pretending to be more powerful than you are. Having the strength of spirit to remain yourself, to stand in your own truth, to protect what matters and to leave room for others to walk their own path. That is the kind of Pagan community I want to help create. One where strength doesn’t have to be loud. Where knowledge doesn’t have to become arrogance. Where leadership doesn’t have to become control and where kindness is not mistaken for weakness.
