Triumph through the affliction of addiction

13/06/2026

For years I thought addiction was the problem. Looking back, addiction was often the symptom. Beneath it were wounds, grief, fear, loneliness, shame, trauma, and memories I did not know how to face.

What has surprised me most in recovery is that healing has not come through willpower alone. It has come through a relationship with God.

As I spend time in prayer, especially before Jesus in Adoration, God often brings memories to the surface. Not to shame me or condemn me, but to heal me. Sometimes a memory appears that I have not thought about for years. As I sit with Jesus, I experience His love touching places in my heart that I have carried for decades. It is both supernatural and completely natural at the same time. I have become used to it in one sense, yet it still amazes me.

Many times I cry. Not because I am broken, but because I feel loved. The tears feel cleansing. They feel like years of pain, fear, rejection, and sorrow being brought into the light of God’s love. I often leave prayer feeling lighter, more peaceful, and more alive than when I entered.

What I have learned is that healing is usually not a single event. It is a journey. It happens layer by layer, like peeling an onion. Sometimes I think God has healed a particular wound, only for Him to gently reveal another layer underneath. Not because I have failed, but because His love wants to go deeper.

I do not see myself as fully healed. I am still healing. There are still wounds, temptations, weaknesses, and areas of my life that I continue to place before God. Yet I can honestly say that Jesus has transformed my life and continues to transform it every day.

The sacraments have been at the heart of this journey. They are not simply religious practices. They are encounters with God. Through the Eucharist, Reconciliation, Adoration, prayer, and the life of the Church, I have found a place where the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit can reach parts of my heart that I could never heal on my own.

At the same time, God has taught me that healing is not only spiritual. He cares about the whole person.

One of the greatest gifts in my healing journey has been creativity. Creating Evangelista, developing a character, performing, singing, dancing, and stepping onto a stage gave me a healthy way to express parts of myself that had been buried for years. Creativity became an outlet for emotions that I once tried to suppress or numb. It helped me rediscover joy, freedom, and confidence.

Sport has also played a huge role. Boxing and exercise have given me discipline, focus, and a way of processing emotions that once overwhelmed me. Instead of running from difficult feelings, I have learned how to channel energy into something positive and life-giving.

The more I heal, the more I realise that spirituality and humanity belong together. God meets me in Adoration, but He also meets me in friendship, creativity, laughter, music, movement, and ordinary life.

Healing also happens through honest friendships. Recently I told a friend that I was feeling tempted to buy a bag of co***ne. Years ago I would have hidden that thought. Instead, I spoke about it openly. We talked about it, laughed together, and carried on enjoying each other’s company. The temptation lost much of its power because it was brought into the light rather than hidden in the darkness.

That experience reminded me that healing is not about pretending we are beyond temptation. It is about learning to be honest, bringing struggles into the light, and allowing God to work through people He places in our lives.

I do not know what complete healing will look like this side of heaven. What I do know is that God is patient. The Father is patient. Jesus is patient. The Holy Spirit is patient. They continue to lead me gently, revealing another wound that needs healing, another memory that needs love, and another area of my life that needs grace.

People sometimes comment that I look younger, healthier, or more at peace than I used to. I do not think that comes from any secret formula. I think it comes from allowing God to heal me from the inside out. As pain loses its grip and love takes its place, something changes. Not only in the heart, but often in the face, the eyes, the body, and the way we relate to other people.

My experience is that addiction is not overcome simply by stopping a substance. Real freedom comes when we allow God to heal what we were trying to numb in the first place.

The sacraments have been powerful tools in that process, but the foundation beneath everything is a living relationship with God. As we grow closer to the Father, spend time with Jesus, and allow the Holy Spirit to work within us, healing becomes less about fixing ourselves and more about allowing ourselves to be loved.

And that healing continues, one layer at a time.

If you would like to help in this mission and my work in this field you can click the link below.

https://pay.sumup.com/b2c/QI93O6LM

02/06/2026

A Divine Appointment in Newry

One of the beautiful things about following the Holy Spirit is that I rarely know what is going to happen. I never arrive with a detailed plan. Usually, I simply try to be docile to God’s grace: attend Mass, receive Jesus in the Eucharist, spend time in Adoration, and remain open to whatever the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have in store.

During my recent arrival in Newry, I went into Adoration hoping for something very simple. If I am honest, I was hoping the chapel would be empty. I love those quiet moments alone with Jesus. But when I walked in, there was one other person there. At first, I felt slightly disappointed because things were not unfolding according to my expectations.

As so often happens with God, His plan turned out to be much better than mine.

I began talking with the woman who was there. She asked what had brought me to Newry, and I shared a little about the ministries I am involved in: prayer ministry, outreach to people affected by addiction, and ministry with people who experience same s*x attraction.

She listened with great interest and spoke about many of her friends who are gay. She shared her sadness over the ways some had felt judged, misunderstood, or marginalised by members of the Church. Because of those experiences, some had grown distant from the Church and carried wounds that made it difficult for them to see God’s love.

What struck me was how well she understood the middle ground that our ministry tries to walk: remaining faithful to the teaching of the Church while ensuring that every person encounters the dignity, compassion, and love of Jesus. It was encouraging to meet someone who immediately understood that mission.

As our conversation deepened, she began sharing about alcoholism within her family and about someone she had been praying for. She explained that she had been asking Jesus to send someone who could pray with her for this person. She believed our meeting was an answer to that prayer.

So we prayed together.

We prayed for the person affected by alcohol. We shared our stories, our hopes, and our concerns. We discovered common ground through friends in nursing and through experiences of accompanying people through suffering.

Something beautiful happened in that exchange.

While she had asked for prayer, I realised that I was receiving something too.

The Holy Spirit was ministering to both of us.

As she spoke, I found myself sharing some of my own vulnerabilities. Moving to Ireland has been a tremendous step of faith. Leaving London and settling into an unfamiliar place has not only been a spiritual challenge but a very human one as well. There are moments of uncertainty. Moments of wondering whether I am where God wants me to be. Moments when the practical realities of starting again can feel overwhelming.

Yet through this conversation, God brought encouragement exactly when I needed it.

By sharing honestly with one another, both of us found healing. My doubts about the ministry and my mission in Ireland seemed lighter. Her burdens became lighter too. Sometimes grace enters through prayer. Sometimes it enters through a conversation. Often it enters through both at the same time.

Looking back, I can see the gentle hand of Our Lady in the encounter. There was a maternal warmth and tenderness in the way the conversation unfolded. Through her openness and kindness, I felt deeply encouraged and reassured.

The whole experience reminded me why Eucharistic Adoration is so powerful. Jesus is truly present in the Blessed Sacrament. When we place ourselves before Him, we never know what He might do. We may arrive expecting silence and solitude, only to discover that He wants to meet us through another person. We may think we are coming to receive, only to discover that He wants us to give. Or we may come intending to help someone else and find that He has arranged for us to be helped as well.

Nothing is wasted in His presence.

As I left that day, I was reminded once again that God’s plans are always greater than my own. All He asks is that I show up, stay close to the Eucharist, remain open to the Holy Spirit, and trust Him.

I also gave her a ministry card of ours, she said she couldn’t wait to share with her daughter!

This is encounter.

The rest He takes care of.

11/05/2026

I only really write posts like this to share what I see and where I feel things could perhaps grow, because Medjugorje is a place of huge holy potential. It truly is an incredible place of prayer, confession, fasting, healing, conversion, and encounter with God. I have experienced so much grace here myself.

But lately my heart has really been with people who are struggling here quietly in the background. I keep meeting people with drink problems, loneliness, addiction, emotional wounds, and deep pain. Some come because alcohol is cheap, some arrive searching for peace, and before long they end up trapped in unhealthy cycles of drinking, isolation, shame, and surviving day to day. Then sadly people begin judging them, avoiding them, or gossiping about them, instead of walking with them.

And sometimes I feel so much emphasis is placed on the spiritual life that other human needs can unintentionally be overlooked. Not everyone is ready immediately for somewhere like Cenacolo or able to fully engage with recovery groups overnight. Some people first need friendship, trust, community, routine, purpose, recreation, and somebody willing to genuinely listen to them without making them feel like a problem.

I also think there can sometimes be a danger of a warped spirituality where people believe, “We just pray and Our Lady will take care of it all,” almost as if accompaniment and practical action are unnecessary. Of course prayer is essential, and Our Lady powerfully intercedes, but God so often works through people, through friendship, through presence, through practical love, through somebody stopping, listening, and walking with another person in their suffering. Sometimes that part can be forgotten when spirituality becomes too detached from human reality.

I really believe the priests, religious, laity, and long term pilgrims here could help more in creating spaces where struggling people are accompanied with mercy, dignity, patience, and practical support alongside the spiritual life. Not lowering the spirituality at all, because the prayer here is beautiful and powerful, but grounding it more deeply in human reality as well.

Jesus did not only call people to pray. He sat with the broken, ate with them, listened to them, walked beside them, and restored their dignity before the eyes of others.

Medjugorje is an amazing place, and I genuinely believe there is still even more room for growth in how the wounded, addicted, lonely, and forgotten are cared for here.

08/04/2026

At adoration and felt the mercy of Jesus and his love for those suffering in addictions!

18/03/2026

Just reflecting.

Having gone through addiction myself, I see it everywhere now. A lot of people are battling something. And even when life looks normal on the outside, there can still be a fight going on underneath.

For me, I know I’m blessed.

I have the sacraments. I have grace. I have prayer. I have community. I have people I can be honest with. I have outlets like sport, creativity, and spaces where I can actually face my anger, frustration, and weakness instead of running from it.

That’s my anchor.

But not everyone has that. Or not everyone has found it yet.

And I notice that especially when I’m out evangelising. St Patrick’s Day was no different. I was with Michael, and the people I kept being drawn to were those struggling with addiction.

There was one girl outside a bar. We stopped and spoke to her and her friends. When we offered a Miraculous Medal, she joked, “Is this co***ne?” but then she opened up.

She said she felt stuck in a cycle. Drinking, drugs, s*x, and then deeper into things she knew weren’t good for her. And she said something that stayed with me. She wanted to stop, but didn’t know how.

And I recognised that.

Not in a judgemental way, but in a real way. I’ve known that place. Wanting freedom but not knowing how to get there.

So I just shared honestly. I told her a bit of my story. I told her that for me, faith, prayer, and the sacraments have become my anchor. That I still have struggles, but I’m not alone in them anymore.

That I talk to God honestly. And through that, I can open up to others too.

And that grace isn’t just an idea. It’s real. It flows through prayer, through the sacraments, through Adoration, and even through the people around us who support us.

We’re not meant to do this alone.

Even Jesus walked with others. He had people around Him. Community isn’t something new, it’s part of how we’re made.

And through Him, through His death and resurrection, our struggles aren’t wasted. They can be redeemed. We can be healed. We can grow. We can be changed.

That’s the hope.

I didn’t have all the answers for her. I couldn’t fix everything in that moment. But I could be there. I could listen. I could share. I could point her towards something more.

She took a photo of my website before we left. Maybe she’ll reach out, maybe she won’t.

But a seed was planted.

And sometimes that’s enough.

07/03/2026

Over the past few weeks while doing LGBT outreach at the Admiral Duncan, I got to know someone who first connected with me through the songs I performed through prayer and inspiration.

What began as a simple conversation slowly grew into something deeper. Over the weeks, as I kept praying for this person and reflecting in prayer, they gradually began to open up more about their life.

They started sharing about the dark world of drugs, trouble with gangs, and even being around people connected with Satanism. As I listened, I began to recognise parts of my own past in what he was describing. Because I’ve lived through that world before, I could understand what he was saying, and through my own experience I could bring some clarity and honesty into the conversation.

It reminded me again that God really does use our past. The very places where we struggled, fell, and got lost can become the places where others feel safe enough to speak. When someone realises they are being understood by someone who has actually been there, something begins to open.

I had also been asking for the prayers of one of my favourite saints, Padre Pio. Every time I pray for his intercession, powerful things seem to happen. Recently I prayed again, asking for his help, and interestingly the person who opened up to me is from the same region as Padre Pio. Even in that small way it felt like God was bringing things full circle.

With God it is never one way. As someone opens up about their struggles, grace is also working in my own heart again. There is honesty, transparency, courage, and the experience of being believed when others have not believed you before.

So please join me in prayer for this person. Pray that the seeds being planted will grow. Pray that my outreach, testimony, and lived experience may help lead others toward healing. And pray that the mercy, love, and compassion of Jesus will overpower every darkness and gently lead hearts into a journey

If this story resonates with you, or if you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, darkness, or feeling trapped in that world, I’ve shared more of my story and resources for healing here:

https://triumphthroughaddiction.carrd.co/

My hope and prayer is that it may bring encouragement to anyone who feels lost or alone.

Please feel free to share if you think it might help someone who needs hope.

A recovery-focused mission shaped by lived experience, creating spaces of hope and healing through creativity, movement, honest conversation, and community. Rooted in compassion, with an optional sacramental pathway for those who wish.

25/02/2026

25/02/2026

A little video to help us crush the demons of fear that crippple us who suffer in addiction etc!

Praise Jesus.

10/02/2026

Drugs and addiction are one of the biggest wounds in the world today. They isolate, they stigmatise, they destroy bodies and fracture souls. And yet, throughout history, God has done something very strange and very holy.

He has sent wounded people into wounded places.

There were saints called to serve lepers, those society feared, avoided, and pushed to the margins. Some of those saints bore the cost of that closeness. Some were “stung” by the very affliction they were called to serve. And yet, they did not turn back. They stayed. They loved anyway. They trusted that grace was stronger than contamination.

So is it really so different today?

Is it surprising that some people called to help addicts are addicts themselves, or recovering addicts, or people whose wounds are stirred when they step into that fire again? Isn’t it often the case that God calls those who know the darkness to walk back into it, not because they are reckless, but because they understand what mercy looks like from the inside?

That does not mean pretending there is no danger. It does not mean romanticising relapse or suffering. It means honesty. It means discernment. It means not going alone.

But it also means asking a hard question.

Do we sit safely in a corner and pray the Rosary, or do we pray the Rosary so that we can go out and love the ones everyone else is afraid to touch?

Because Christ did not heal from a distance. He entered the mess. He touched the unclean. He risked misunderstanding, scandal, and rejection. And He calls His Body to do the same, not apart from the sacraments, but anchored in them.

If someone is living the sacramental life, going to confession, speaking things out instead of hiding them, walking with accountability, and bringing broken souls toward healing and toward Christ, then maybe the wound being stirred is not a sign to flee. Maybe it is the very place grace is still working.

Some people are not healed by being removed from the fire.
Some are healed by being sent back into it, not to be consumed, but to let God redeem what once nearly destroyed them.

So what is the right way?

A holy huddle that never risks love?
Or a Church that goes out, embraces, listens, walks, and dares to believe that no soul is beyond healing?

Because the Gospel has never been safe.
But it has always been true.
And it has always been worth the cost.

06/02/2026

Yesterday marked the finishing day of the website for drug awareness and recovery, Triumph Through Drugs! As I was finalising it, I realised something unexpected. A testimony video of mine from two years ago had quietly disappeared for a while, and I couldn’t understand why. Then, right as the website was completed, the video was republished again, reaching a fresh audience.

The timing was perfect. God’s timing.

So I’m sharing it again today, not because it’s about me, but because it’s about hope, mercy, and transformation. It’s about what Jesus can do in a life marked by addiction, suffering, and deep wounds, and how Our Lady gently leads us back to her Son.

I want to say a heartfelt thank you to Tom from Medjugorje for giving me a platform and a space to share my story honestly. I’m grateful for that trust and that encouragement.

If you’re struggling with addiction, feeling lost, or carrying wounds connected to s*xuality, identity, or rejection, please know this: you are not alone, you are deeply loved, and healing is possible. Conversion is a journey, mercy comes first, and grace is real.

This is the right time to share it again. So here it is 🤍

https://youtu.be/FKPhQjLwFsM?si=peGGX4SFbPyH_JSM

Discover Medjugorje a small town in Bosnia and Herzegovina former Yugoslavia where Our Lady started to appear to 6 young children since 1981. Our Lady appear...