25/05/2026
Copied from a post by Rev Cindy Kent
Most of us have now learned to live with voice-mail as a necessary part of our lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling heaven. For English press 1; For Spanish press 2.
For all other languages press 3
We are sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received.......... Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to: God, press 1; Jesus, press 2; Holy Spirit, press 3; Guardian Angel, Press 4. To find a loved one who has been assigned to heaven press 5 then enter their National Insurance number, then # # followed by the pound sign £.
(If you receive a negative response to this, please hang up and dial area code 666)
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for a request; Press 2 for thanksgiving; Press 3 for complaints; Press 4 for all others
For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the **key and then the numbers 3 and 16.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life on other planets, or other contentious questions, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics. Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today. Please hang up and call again tomorrow. Thank you, and have a heavenly day.
The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday. If you are calling after hours and you need emergency assistance, please contact your local Vicar. See less