01/05/2026
HOW TO ROB YOUR CHURCH AND STILL BE HOLY:
9 Dangerous Thieves in Pentecostal Churches
Ever wonder why some church rats suddenly become overnight Richie?
You dey look your life, look their life, nothing balance.
E get scope.
And today, I can show you… for just a shikini registration fee.
Are you ready?
Let’s start from the beginning.
1. THE OFFERING RAIDERS
These are your regular senior ushers and offering counters. A tight caucus within the system—trusted, familiar, almost like family friends. But their real service begins when offering starts. Tithe envelopes, special seeds, pastor’s appreciation—anything within reach is negotiable. If it can be handled, it can be withheld.
2. THE FOOD FRAMERS
The most presentable, the most “hallelujah-looking.” But their belly comes first. Any church event involving food, they must be in charge. Their car boot doubles as storage. Wedding in Sokoto? Burial in Bauchi? If cow is involved, they arrive three days early—fully “committed to service.” And yes, they love God… deeply.
3. THE PROCUREMENT PADDERS
They control spending. Every purchase passes through them. In partnership with vendors, prices are inflated, supplies reduced, receipts adjusted creatively. Many of them are permanently “available,” so church becomes their full-time office. Week in, week out—faithful attendance, strategic ex*****on.
4. THE PROGRAM PLUNDERERS
They love organizing events—conferences, anniversaries, revivals. They will eagerly collect contributions and coordinate everything. What you don’t see is the quiet diversion. Funds develop wings. They may not be unemployed, but greed has clearly employed them full-time.
5. THE PROJECT PARASITES
Big men. Big grammar. Bigger control. They take charge of church projects and align with contractors. Cement reduces, rods disappear, sand trips multiply on paper. Budgets expand miraculously. Ironically, they are the loudest when giving testimonies—“God has done it again!”
6. THE PROPERTY PATCHERS
They specialize in helping the church acquire land and buildings. Always networking, always negotiating. But somehow, a 10 million deal becomes 15 million—with a generous “God bless you, sir.” Everyone involved smiles. The church pays the difference.
7. THE BURGLAR’S BACKERS
These ones come with a “redeemed past.” Former street operators turned saints—or so it seems. Quietly, they maintain external connections. One night, the church is cleared—equipment gone, instruments missing. Even Sunday parking is not entirely safe. Transformation still ongoing.
8. THE PREDATORY PAs
Gatekeepers of access. You don’t see “Daddy” without passing through them. And access is not free. Every gift—cash, jewelry, even vehicles—passes through their hands first. Some items never make it to the final destination. They may even call you later, imitating “Daddy’s voice,” to pray for you. Service delivery.
9. THE SIMONY SIGNATORIES
These are the professionals. Parallel accounts opened in the church or GO’s name—sometimes in the same bank. Signatures replicated, contact details controlled. The pastor remains unaware. They target widows, retirees, and civil servants—encouraging “dangerous seeds.” If the bank calls to confirm, prophecy is delivered over the phone. If a banker shows up physically, spiritual diversion begins immediately—prayers, confusion, quick exit.
FINAL QUESTION
But wait…why is it that these same people are always the ones prospering?
New car. New house.
Jowo, japa, joro, jara, extra blessings everywhere—everything just aligns like Akowonjo.
Abi make we join the ministry?
God forbid bad thing! 😄
—Motayo Samie
I talk am with my full chest, cos no be today dem born me!
