12/05/2026
Please find Simon’s sermon from Sunday. It was an excellent message on how to deal with disagreement inland conflict in the church.
Matthew 18:15–22 — “Reconciliation, Responsibility, and the Radical Call to Forgive”
1. The Courage to Confront
Matthew eighteen, verses fifteen to twentytwo, is one of the most practical — and one of the most demanding — passages Jesus ever gave to the Church. It is not a cold set of rules, nor a bureaucratic process for dealing with difficult people. It is a vision of what Christian community looks like when it is shaped by the love, the courage, and the mercy of Christ. It is a call to reconciliation, to responsibility, and to the radical, unending practice of forgiveness.
Jesus begins with a simple instruction: “If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone.” — because that alone is revolutionary.
Most of us avoid conflict at all costs. We would rather sit in quiet resentment than risk an awkward conversation. We talk to everyone except the person who hurt us. We rehearse the wound until it becomes part of our identity. But Jesus refuses to let the Church become a place where conflict festers in silence. He calls us to a holy courage — not the courage to fight, but the courage to love someone enough to tell them the truth.
And notice how Jesus insists that the conversation begins privately. Privately. — let that settle.
This is not about shaming someone or gathering allies. It is about protecting the dignity of the person who has done wrong. It is about stopping gossip before it starts. It is about giving the other person the chance to hear, to reflect, and to respond without fear of humiliation. Imagine — truly imagine — how many church conflicts would evaporate if we obeyed this one instruction. Imagine how many relationships would be restored. Imagine how many wounds would heal.
The goal, Jesus says, is that “you have regained your brother or sister.” Not defeated them. Not proved yourself right. Not won an argument. — you have regained them.
The language is relational, not legal. The Church is not a courtroom. It is a community of forgiven sinners learning how to forgive one another. The aim is always restoration.
But Jesus is realistic. Sometimes the private conversation does not work. Sometimes the person refuses to listen. Sometimes the wound is too deep or the denial too strong. So, Jesus gives a second step: bring one or two others. This is not escalation; it is deepening the attempt at reconciliation. It widens the circle of care. It brings wisdom, perspective, and prayer into the situation. And if that still fails, Jesus says, “tell it to the church” — meaning the gathered community, the body of believers who hold one another in prayer and accountability. This is not about public humiliation. It is about the community taking responsibility for its own health.
Then comes the hardest line: “If the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile or a tax collector.” — because this is where many misunderstand.
Some have taken this as permission to cast people out. But how did Jesus treat Gentiles and tax collectors? He ate with them. He called them. He loved them. He invited them into the kingdom. Jesus is not saying, “Cut them off.” He is saying, “Recognise that they now stand in need of patient love, persistent mercy, and the kind of grace that keeps the door open.” Even when reconciliation is not possible, love remains.
This passage challenges us deeply. In our parishes, our PCCs, our ministries, and our friendships, conflict is inevitable. But Jesus gives us a way to walk through conflict without losing one another. The question — the real question — is whether we have the courage to follow it.
2. The Church That Heals
After giving these instructions, Jesus says something astonishing: “Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” — because this is holy ground.
This is not about magical authority. It is about the Church participating in God’s work of healing. To bind is to name what is broken. To lose is to release what is forgiven. The Church is called to be a place where truth is spoken and grace is offered. A place where sin is taken seriously and forgiveness is taken even more seriously.
Unaddressed conflict binds people in bitterness. Unspoken wounds bind communities in mistrust. Unresolved tensions bind the Church in fear. But when we follow Jesus’ way — speaking truth, seeking reconciliation, offering forgiveness — we lose people from shame, guilt, and isolation.
Jesus then says that if two believers agree in prayer, God will act. This is not a blank cheque for wishfulfilment. It is a promise that when the Church seeks reconciliation together, heaven joins in. When two believers pray for healing in a broken relationship, God is present. When a small group gathers to help two people reconcile, God is present. When a community commits to peace, God is present.
And then Jesus gives the famous line: “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” — because this is often misunderstood.
We quote it at small services or poorly attended meetings, but its true context is conflict. Jesus is saying that when we gather to do the hard work of reconciliation, he is with us. Not watching from a distance. Not judging our efforts. But standing in the midst of us, healing, guiding, and strengthening us.
The Church is not a club. It is not a social organisation. It is not a place where we come to be comfortable. It is a place where we learn to love one another as Christ loves us. And that means holding one another accountable — not harshly, but lovingly; not judgmentally, but truthfully. Accountability is not about control. It is about spiritual growth. It is about helping one another become more like Christ.
3. The SeventySeven Times
Then Peter, ever practical, asks the question we all want to ask: “Lord, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” — because Peter thinks he is being generous.
Seven is more than most of us manage. But Jesus replies, “Not seven times, but seventyseven times.” Jesus is not giving a number. He is giving a posture. Forgiveness is not something we count. It is something we live. It is a continual practice, a discipline, a habit of the heart.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. It is not pretending the hurt didn’t happen. It is not excusing wrongdoing. It is not allowing abuse to continue. Forgiveness is choosing not to let the wound define the relationship. It is choosing to release the desire for revenge. It is choosing to see the other person as more than the worst thing they have done. This is incredibly hard. It feels unfair. It feels costly. It feels impossible. And that is precisely why Jesus commands it.
Immediately after this passage, Jesus tells the parable of the unforgiving servant — a man forgiven an unpayable debt who refuses to forgive a small debt owed to him. The message is unmistakable: we forgive because we have been forgiven. The Church is a community of forgiven people. We stand before God not because we are righteous, but because God is merciful. If we refuse to forgive others, we deny the very mercy that saves us.
Forgiveness does not cancel justice. It does not erase consequences. It does not ignore harm. But forgiveness transforms justice from retribution into restoration. It seeks healing, not punishment. It seeks renewal, not revenge. Forgiveness does not mean allowing continued harm. Jesus’ teaching on conflict includes boundaries, accountability, and communal involvement. Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. Reconciliation requires repentance, change, and rebuilding trust. But forgiveness opens the door to the possibility of reconciliation. It keeps the heart soft. It keeps bitterness from taking root. It keeps the community from fracturing.
In our churches, forgiveness is often the missing ingredient. We hold grudges. We nurse old wounds. We avoid people who have hurt us. We let small conflicts become large divisions. But Jesus calls us to a forgiveness that is extravagant, abundant, and unending. Not because the other person deserves it, but because we have received it.
— and let that truth rest in your heart.
What We Do Now
So, what does all of this mean for us today — in our parish, in our relationships, in our community life? What does it mean not just in theory, but in the ordinary, sometimes messy, sometimes painful reality of being the Church together?
It means, first, that we must become people who walk towardconflict, not away from it. That is not our instinct. Our instinct is to retreat, to avoid, to hope things will simply “blow over.” But Jesus does not give us that option. He calls us to take the first step — gently, honestly, prayerfully — toward the person who has hurt us. And that first step is often the hardest. It requires humility. It requires vulnerability. It requires courage. But it is the step that opens the door to healing.
It also means that if we have hurt someone — knowingly or unknowingly — we must be willing to go to them. To listen. To apologise. To seek forgiveness. That, too, is hard. It means admitting that we are not always right. It means acknowledging that our words or actions have caused pain. But reconciliation begins with honesty, and honesty begins with the willingness to say, “I am sorry.”
It means that if we know of tension in the church — if we sense that something is not right, if we hear murmurs of frustration, if we see relationships strained — we must resist the temptation to gossip. Gossip is the enemy of reconciliation. It spreads quickly, it wounds deeply, and it destroys trust. Instead, we are called to pray. To hold the situation before God. And, where appropriate, to help bring people together. Not to take sides, not to stir the pot, but to be peacemakers.
It means that if we are holding a grudge — one that has been there for years — we must ask God to loosen our grip. Grudges feel powerful. They give us a sense of control. But they poison the heart. They drain our joy. They keep us from seeing the other person as God sees them. Forgiveness is not pretending the hurt did not happen. It is choosing not to let the hurt have the final word.
It means that if we have been avoiding someone — slipping out a different door, sitting on the other side of the church, pretending not to see them at coffee — we must ask Christ for the courage to take the first step. A conversation. A greeting. A willingness to be present. Reconciliation rarely happens in grand gestures. It begins in small, faithful acts of openness.
It means recognising that reconciliation is not always immediate. Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it takes many conversations. Sometimes it requires the help of others. Sometimes it requires boundaries. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, reconciliation may not be possible — at least not yet. But even then, we are called to keep the door open. To keep praying. To keep loving. To keep hoping.
It means remembering that Jesus stands in the midst of those who try. When we take even the smallest step toward peace, Christ is already there. When we risk a difficult conversation, Christ is already there. When we choose forgiveness over bitterness, Christ is already there. When we seek healing rather than victory, Christ is already there.
And it means imagining what our church could be if we lived this out. Imagine a community where people speak truth in love. Imagine a community where forgiveness flows freely. Imagine a community where wounds are healed, where relationships are restored, where Christ’s presence is unmistakable. Imagine a community where conflict does not divide us, but becomes the place where grace is revealed.
— and truly imagine it.
This is not beyond us. It is not unrealistic. It is not naĂŻve. It is the life Jesus calls us to. It is the life the Spirit empowers us to live. It is the life that bears witness to the kingdom of God.
So let us choose that life. Let us choose courage. Let us choose honesty. Let us choose forgiveness. Let us choose reconciliation. And let us trust that Christ — who is with us when two or three gather in his name — will guide us, strengthen us, and make us instruments of his peace.
Prayer
Let us pray.
Gracious and reconciling God, you call us into a community shaped by your love, where truth is spoken in gentleness and forgiveness flows without measure. Give us courage to face conflict with honesty, wisdom to seek reconciliation with humility, and grace to forgive as we have been forgiven. Heal the wounds we carry, soften the hearts that have grown hard, and restore the relationships that have been strained. Make our church a place where Christ is present in every conversation, every act of mercy, and every step toward peace. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen
