24/04/2022
I love to have conversations with friends of mine. One of my friends is from India. He has lived five years in a monastery.
Today I told him about a problem I have dealt with in the past and asked him to share his thoughts on it:
„There was a friend of my former spouse who had the habit of appearing surprisingly somewhere within our home. He passed the Terrasse, opened unlocked doors, and then stood f.e. in the living room or kitchen. It would be OK to enter a friends‘ house without knocking at the door and waiting; he just refused every „normal behavior “ and continued skipping any „warning sign.“
Finally I found myself explaining to this person that I thought this was no way to show up that I would be willing to tolerate. The „friend“ accepted but continued frequently overstepping other boundaries after that. My former partner said it seemed to be me, being a bit strange and problematic; his friend was just often feeling lonely and, therefore, frequently came along.“
So today I asked my friend: „What is your perception of such a behavior? Entering a friends home this way. I would never do that. Except for thinking there was an emergency case. Would you? How would this „friend of the house“ be treated in your home, family, community, and society?“
He responded: „Well, we would beat him up as we would think he would be a thief or other „not decent“ person entering our space. Then we might ask him why he did so.“
😂😂😂😂 🤷🏼♀️
I said: „Well, good to know people who bring to my awareness how kind I was.“
I was kind and clear about what I want and do not want. But if you are around people like this at some point you start to second guess yourself.
It took time for me to unlearn second guessing myself and leaning into intuition and trusting my feelings again.
When you have been judged for „being not relaxed enough“, it is balsam for the soul to meet people who kind of overdeliver on getting you in the first place.
Without further explanation. Just because accepting that something can be seen as a norm, in probably every part of the planet- except for narcissistic spaces where you end up being judged for bringing up your natural boundaries.
Can you relate to this experience?
What did or do you need to unlearn? Or learn again?