24/08/2026
UNDERSTANDING THE RELATIVE NATURE AND PURPOSE OF RESPECT
—By Pastor Daniel Nyah
You may have come across this viral video of this young lady, reportedly a graduate/executive trainee at United Bank for Africa (UBA), participating in the bank’s Graduate Management Accelerated Programme (GMAP) graduation ceremony. She addressed the host as “Good morning, Tony” before asking her question. The host corrected her, saying he doesn’t subscribe to the “white man’s culture.” The debate is heated, with diverse opinions. Some say, what’s wrong with being called “Tony”? Isn’t it your name? Why get concerned when addressed so within Africa but indifferent in America or Europe?
Here's response to why that appeared disrespectful to the host.
We live in a time of increased dishonor and lawlessness. In fact, one of the signs of perilous times the Bible gives is that many shall be disobedient to parents. You cannot be disobedient and honorable at the same time, at least not within this context.
Respect for elders is required of the younger. This culture of respect is a divine structure that maintains reverence for authority. Respect in the way someone is addressed is like adding an adjective to a noun. Of course, the noun remains true without the adjective, but the adjective distinguishes and emphasizes the integrity of the noun. Think.
This culture of adjectives can be relative to a given people. It is commonplace to see a child in Western culture call their teachers by their names: “John…” In their syllabus of cultural acceptance, that may not even have a tone of disrespect, even though cultures can be corrupt with undermining or overrating their respect syllabus. However, within most African cultures, the syllabus is different. We dare not call our teachers or parents by their surnames without adding the adjective that distinguishes them. We accord them a description that shows we esteem them as deserving of reverence. Sir, Ma, Mr., Mrs., Chief, H.E., Sis., Bro., etc. How is this hard to understand?
You see, the removal of these necessary descriptive adjectives flattens structures. It is the evil Satan wants in today’s society—no difference. You say, but is “Tony” not his name? Who says it’s not his name? You aren’t listening if you are still asking that. Stick to the rules or syllabus of the culture in which you live. Don’t mix them up. At least, apply wisdom. It is said, while in Rome, do what the Romans do. The whole point is that respect can be relative. Understanding the rules that govern respect within a relationship, family, tribe, region, institution, nation, dispensation, etc., gives you wisdom to build good relationships, walk in favour, and live peaceably.
When you are asking if “Tony” isn’t his name, why not go call your father directly by his name within our African culture? See if you won’t lose your birthright or one of your eyes. Most of us have never, in the history of our existence, called our parents by their names. Isn’t it their name? The culture of respect we live in has trained us that we should accord a more distinctive attribute to our authorities, away from what is ordinary of them in the sight of others. This establishes a hierarchy of authority and distinction, necessary for order within any people, and it reminds us of the difference between us for the according of due honour wherever necessary.
Romans 13:7: Render to all men their dues. [Pay] taxes to whom taxes are due, revenue to whom revenue is due, respect to whom respect is due, and honor to whom honor is due. (AMP)
It means we must show proper respect, fairness, and appreciation to people who hold rightful authority or have earned it through who they are, their work, position, sacrifices, and character. These added adjectives—“Mr., Mrs., Sir, Ma,” etc.—help us stay reminded of people’s difference in relation to us and to others. It keeps us in honour, at least within the respect syllabus of our culture per time.
The invasion of the flattening of distinction from the West to most parts of Africa (mostly through the global village influence of technology) has an evil agenda behind it. Let’s teach our children any habit, discipline, appellation, etc., that keeps them within true honour. When God said we are written in the palms of His hands, He was teaching us strategy for memory. Even so are some adjectives—they remind us of who these people are to us beyond just their ordinary names; it shows that we know them and understand the difference we have. I hope you know wisdom is the ability to both tell and demonstrate difference. The absence of difference flattens society and destroys a people.
So, why was the host, Mr. Tony Elumelu, right to correct this young lady? First, they were within the territory with a respect syllabus that doesn’t address elders directly by their surnames. So, it appeared disrespectful. Secondly, when you understand standards of respect and someone is taking it away from you, don’t claim false humility. Address it and bring order. Our world is becoming something else with this trend of disrespect. More younger people are becoming recalcitrant, speaking to elders with no consciousness or regard for who they are. This is very destructive to the hierarchy of authority and the structure that maintains healthy societies and guarantees posterity.
You may not have the authority to correct everyone who disrespects you in the world. But within your scope of authority, understand the honour given and due you. Don’t allow disrespect to live. It will flatten the structure, breed contempt, and terminate the leadership your domain requires. The Bible says don’t esteem yourself more highly than you ought. It didn’t say don’t esteem yourself. It warns against overrating your honour. But you’ll be a fool as a parent or leader to not know what honour you deserve. Most parents and leaders void of this understanding raise recalcitrant children or subjects who go about living, speaking, and doing things anyhow.
Remember this: wisdom is the ability to tell and honour difference.
God made difference: Parents and Children, Male and Female, Humans and Animals, Leaders and Followers, Black and White, Heaven and Earth, Day and Night, Sweet and Bitter, etc.
Evil flattens and corrupts difference. The evil of man is the inability to tell difference. Root of homosexuality. Be careful; you are as wise as your ability to tell and honour difference.
— Pastor Daniel Nyah
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