10/18/2026
Why I Do Not Want to Go Back
An Orthodox Christian Reflection
Yesterday, someone asked me a question that stayed in my mind.
“Father, what if you had the chance to become young again and very rich? Would you take it?”
I answered, “No.”
And I meant it.
Not because I don't appreciate life. Not because I have nothing to regret. Believe me, if I look back, there are many things I could have done differently. Many mistakes, many wrong decisions, many moments when I should have been more patient, more loving, and closer to God.
But still, I would not go back.
Why?
Because everything I have gone through in this life has brought me to where I am today.
The good things, the difficult things, the people who loved me, the people who hurt me, the disappointments, the tears, the struggles. All of them taught me something.
And above all, through everything, God was there.
Sometimes I understood His presence. Sometimes I did not. Sometimes I asked Him why certain things were happening. And sometimes the answer came only many years later.
But looking back today, I can say that God never abandoned me.
My dear brothers and sisters,
When we are young, we think we have all the time in the world. We run after so many things. We want to have more, become more, achieve more.
And there is nothing wrong with working, having dreams, or enjoying the blessings God gives us.
But with time, we begin to understand that many things we thought were so important were not important at all.
How much time did we waste worrying about things that never happened?
How many nights did we lose sleep over problems that today we barely remember?
How many times did we hurt ourselves trying to please people, forgetting that the One we should be trying to please is God?
And now someone asks me if I want to go back?
No.
I have already walked that road.
I don't want to repeat it. I want to learn from it.
I don't want to become young again. I want to become a better Christian.
I don't want to become rich. I want my soul to become rich in love, humility, forgiveness, and prayer.
Our Lord Jesus Christ asks us a very simple question:
“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Mark 8:36)
Think about these words.
What would I gain if tomorrow I woke up young again, with millions of dollars, but forgot everything that suffering has taught me?
What would I gain if I had the strength of a young man but lost the understanding that comes through the years?
And what would I gain if I had everything this world could offer but was farther away from Christ?
Nothing.
You know, as we become older, we begin to see life differently.
We don't need as much as we once thought.
We begin to appreciate simple things. A peaceful morning. A prayer. A kind word. The opportunity to forgive someone. The Divine Liturgy. Receiving Holy Communion. Being able to say, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
These are the things that matter.
And please don't misunderstand me. I am not saying that I have become holy or that I have reached some great spiritual level.
Far from it.
I am still struggling. I still make mistakes. I still need God's mercy every single day.
And perhaps that is the most important lesson life has taught me: the older I become, the more I understand how much I need God.
In our Orthodox Christian faith, we do not look at life as a journey that ends at the grave.
We believe in the Resurrection.
We believe that Christ conquered death.
We believe that this earthly life is a preparation for eternal life.
So why should I spend my days wishing to go backward when God is calling me to move forward?
Of course, I don't know how many years I have left. Nobody knows.
But whatever time the Lord gives me, I want to use it better than I used the years that have already passed.
I want to pray more.
I want to judge less.
I want to forgive more easily.
I want to love people without expecting something in return.
And above all, I want to repent.
Because at the end of my life, God will not ask me how much money I had, how young I looked, or how successful I was in the eyes of the world.
I will stand before Him with my life, my sins, my repentance, and my hope in His mercy.
My dear brothers and sisters,
There is something else I want to say.
We spend so much time wishing for what we don't have that sometimes we forget to thank God for what He has already given us.
Even the years that have passed are a blessing.
Even the difficult years.
Because we are still here. We still have the opportunity to change. We still have the opportunity to say, “Lord, forgive me.”
And that opportunity is worth more than all the riches in the world.
So, if someone asks me again whether I would like to become young and rich, I will give the same answer.
No, thank you.
I don't need to go back to the beginning.
I need God's help to finish the journey.
I don't need another youth.
I need a heart that knows how to repent.
I don't need more riches.
I need more Christ in my life.
And if the Lord gives me another day, another year, or many more years, glory to God.
But if my earthly journey is coming closer to its end, then I pray that He will help me prepare my soul.
Because, in the end, I am not trying to return to the life I had. I am trying to reach the life that Christ has promised us.
And that is why I do not want to go back.
I want to go forward.
Not because I am ready, but because I trust in the mercy of God.
May our Lord help all of us to stop living in yesterday, to stop worrying so much about tomorrow, and to use today for our salvation.
Amen.
