Beautifully Surrendered

08/30/2022

I use to never liked being corrected because I took it as a moral failing, which is not what it is at all, it was just a behavior that I had gathered along my life’s journey out of trauma, abuse or being in survival mode for so long. Even when I would sober up, I would have an inability to be corrected and leave those survival techniques in the past, to make room for new healthy habits that would better serve me at this phase in my life, but when nothing changes nothing changes, and I always ended up back using.

The last relapse I had was the most horrible time of my life, I was just existing, I was just surviving, I was completely spiritual void, bankrupt and dead, I remember laying on mat on the shelter floor, and this woman started praying and that was the first time I didn’t feel so alone, then I prayed and when I was praying I didn’t feel alone, in that moment, another seed was planted, I had tried everything 12 step fellowships, rehab, therapy, and it worked for a while, but what I was really missing was a relationship with the one who created me, that’s what I had been craving was an unfailing, unchanging, always faithful relationship. I did not get sober right after that day, but a few weeks later i did, I went and got deliverance, and everything that had been haunting me left, and from that point on I had no desire to use, and that’s when I decided to genuinely put effort into this relationship with God. Even thought it took a lot of effort at first, now it does not. This is the most rewarding relationship I have entered.

I love that God has truly given me a new heart and new spirit and the more I lean into God, and he renews my mind those old unhelpful, survival techniques, are replaced with fruits of the spirit like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self control. And the great thing is when I do mess up and go back to survival mode, god corrects me, and he does this because he loves me. “For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.””
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I am so grateful that I have come to a place where God has taught me that it is okay to be corrected, it is okay to not be perfect, and just because I am not perfect it does not mean that I have to turn to self destructive behaviours, because that only hurts me, and pulls me further away from him and that is not what I want at all. I hope you too find this relationship with God, that than he mold you intro the man or woman you were destined to be, and live in peace, as you repent from your sinful nature, and embrace god’s grace, life just starts to unfold.

Just remember

I love you

God loves you

Perfectly Imperfect ♥️

08/18/2022

As much as I had thought that I was a very forgiving person before I thought I had a very soft heart, I did not, my heart was quite hard. I was not doing things out of a place of unconditional love. I would say things for lip service, but I actually had a quite an unforgiving heart, and it was quite bitter, or I had no problem living like the world in the cancel culture. I had no problem cutting you out of my life if you hurt me, offended me, and I was told that it’s okay to cut toxic people out of your life. I was very much living for self and self centered and doing whatever felt good.

By the grace of god I am no longer living like that and that is all thanks to the Holy Spirit and giving my life to Christ. I am able to genuinely able to practice forgiveness and love people like Jesus Christ loves me, and I am able to forgive others just as Christ is forgiving me. I have to remember Jesus and mine relationship started by him forgiving me of my sins and giving me grace and mercy, and I have done some pretty horrible things in my life so for me to live in bitterness and unforgiveness not only clogs the blessing pipe but it is extremely hypocritical and I do not want to life like that “Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?””
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:21‬ ‭NLT‬‬
And that’s how I wanna live because God is constantly forgiving me and making allowance for my mistakes, sins, past, present and future. But just to clarify this does not mean you continually sin and abuse gods grace because that is lawlessness and god hates lawlessness.

“Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭23:28‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“And then the lawless one will be revealed, whom the Lord will consume with the breath of His mouth and destroy with the brightness of His coming.”
‭‭II Thessalonians‬ ‭2:8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I am so grateful that god has softened my heart and even sometimes when I wanna be bitter and I wanna be angry God will not let me. I remember once I was praying for this woman and she was so bitter and rude and unforgiving towards me, and it was so hurtful, I remember I prayed a couple times a day, just begging God to soften her heart towards me. But god did something even better he softened my heart again towards her, God is the best relationship I have ever entered into my life, and the most rewarding and I see the most insane and amazing miracles that happen in my life! Like little old me, God knows little old me! And god wants to know little old you! I hope you take that leap of faith because the kingdom of god is near!

Just remember

I love you

God loves you

Perfectly Imperfect ♥️

08/16/2022

“I will make each of My mountains a road, And My highways shall be elevated.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭49:11‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
‭‭II Corinthians‬ ‭12:10‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now,”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:3, 5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,”
‭‭I Peter‬ ‭5:6‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

All his promises are yes and amen, just remember these four things and your life will change for the greater, because greater is he that is in me than that is the world, and god is the great I am and he will always he his promise 🙏 ♥️

I love you

God loves you

Perfectly Imperfect ❤️‍🔥

08/15/2022

This was my favourite thing to say when I was using, or when I was in my sin God why have you abandoned me or forsaken me, I blamed God for everything thing, because towards the end of my using I had pushed everyone away and I had nobody else to blame, even if I was with others I blamed others for how I felt and it was everyone else’s fault as to why I felt like this.

“They said something very offensive!”
“They are reason why I am using and homeless.”
“God why did you let this happen to me”
“God if you loved me you wouldn’t abandon me.”

Even when I did sober up and started going to 12 step meetings and I was making 12 step meetings my idol because it is ever so glamorized. It said in this meetings I can believe whatever I want as long as it keeps me sober so, I tried going back to church at that time and going to 12 meetings, but that never worked, because when I did go to meetings I was persecuted for following Jesus, and yelled at for sharing my faith at these meetings, because everyone told me that this is not a religious program. My faith was not strong in Jesus and I was younger and I wanted to be liked by everyone and wanted to keep my popularity in these meetings and I ended up conforming to the world and switching to having a higher power, and shying away from speaking about Jesus, and then eventually just forgetting about Jesus all together, and developing a higher power.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I should of never confirmed to the world, and never forgotten about the great I am, because then I ended up going through the endless cycle of relapsing time and time again, and screaming my god my god why have you forsaken me! The biggest mistake I made was shying away from Jesus and not picking up my cross, and going through sanctification.

Now at 31 years old, almost 32 years I do not have a higher power, I have a Lord and Saviour, I have God in my life and his name is Jesus, and I do not care about the persecution, I do not care if I do not conform to the world because this is beyond a shadow of a doubt the most important journey of my life, and I am taking the narrow path, I will always put God first in everything in my life because if I do not then I will be screaming out God God why have you forsaken me again soon, and I do not want that. He is more important than any other relationship in my life, more important than popularity, and I have this deep rooted in the one that will never fail and that is Jesus, not rooting myself in worldly things, that are man made and are rooted in opinions, the word of god can not be disputed because
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
‭‭John‬ ‭1:1‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ and God is perfect and holy. I am so grateful for this relationship that has broken every curse, bo***ge, and stronghold. I have found a way out from suffering and loneliness and I hope you find that freedom too, because the kingdom of God is near.

Just remember

I love you ❤️

God loves you

Perfectly Imperfect

08/15/2022

https://youtu.be/XoOjIukilEg
This beautiful woman of god, has some amazing testimonies of her life on the wide road which included drugs, homosexual lifestyle and criminal activity and now has left that behind and picked up her cross and off she walks on the narrow road. Her testimonies are all of things you need filled with the word of god, heart, and a great comeback like the prodigal son!

Click on the link below ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️
Like 👍
Comment ✍️
Subscribe 🫵📲💻🖥✝️❤️✅

And just remember

I love you

God loves you

Perfectly Imperfect

From drug addicted car thief who was abandoned by my parents to a child of God.

08/11/2022

God doesn’t disqualify you, you disqualify yourself. Don’t do that! I believe in you! ♥️🙇‍♀️♥️

08/11/2022

I have never been in a relationship before where I felt so secure, so peaceful, so grateful and so full of joy. I might not of have the best parents growing up, but darn it when I came into my 30’s I got the best darn better than ever parent and that was my Heavenly Father God. ♥️

This week I went and did something that was very uncomfortable for me and I had to court and deal with part of the consequences of my sinful past but throughout the whole experience and the days leading up I wasn’t scared, nervous or on edge, because I knew my heavenly father had me sheltered under his wing, and the peace he gave me surpassed all understanding that anything I had ever known when I was a part of the world. Not only did I have the peace of the great I am, I also had my brothers and sisters in Christ praying for me. And by the grace of god my charges were thrown out, and that is because of repetition, and walking in purity, and being sanctified by the Holy Spirit.

This relationship is the most rewarding beautiful relationship I have ever experienced in my life, I can not believe I was stubborn for this and I lived in sin for so long and refused to pick up my cross. But here I am now, cross in hand, repenting with a smile on my face. And I think that is why I feel so at peace because regardless of what would have happened I knew god was with me, and he gave me grace because I repented, repentance is something that is so brushed aside now a days, but if you do not shed the old, there is no room for the new. I love repentance, it has changed my life, and for the better. And I believe, that is why I am here now, and not behind bars, or still out using, or even worse dead. Please please I hope you too repent and ask Jesus into your life and begin a beautiful relationship with him because the Kingdom of God is near.

Just remember

I love you

God love you

Perfectly Imperfect 🙇‍♀️♥️🙏

07/29/2022

I struggled for a long time with feeling like I did not belong anywhere, I didn’t feel like I was ever wanted around, I have had a strong abandonment issue every since I was a little girl. I was bullied, shamed, tormented most of my life and that left me feeling like a mistake, for a long time I wish I had not been born because I thought that would of been easier. I still struggled though to find acceptance and love through relationships both romantic and plantontic neither were ever satisfying and left me feeling unfulfilled.

A few months ago I entered the best relationship of my life and the most fulfilling relationship of my life and that relationship was with God. This emptiness and longing was slowly disappearing because I had finally entered into a relationship with someone who would never leave me, never abandon me, was always happy to hear from me, and honestly and truly just wanted the best for me. How cool is that! I had finally found my perfect relationship that truly was building me up instead of tearing me down, I was able to let go of this need to control everything in the relationship because God knew me before I was even born and has a plan and purpose for my life and has just been waiting for me to finish up with all the unfulfilling relationships to have a fulfilling one with him, because he had never left, I was just to stubborn to open the door to let him in. This relationship has given me the confidence have other loving healthy relationships in my life that are built on things like respect, integrity, trust and love instead of co-dependency, manipulation, and deceit. I am so grateful I have opened myself up to the most fulfilling relationship of my life because with God I will never be disappointed, abandoned, abused, or forgotten. And for me to have a relationship with none of those in it is amazing. I hope you too enter into a relationship with Jesus, and you just wait and see how not only do you get an amazing relationship with him, but all of your current relationships with improve greatly, and you will definitely make some new ones along the way.

Just remember

I love you

God loves you ♥️

Perfectly Imperfect

07/27/2022

For the longest time I would struggle with my shortcomings for so long and I wanted to stay in my sins but I wanted everything else to change I wanted my shortcomings to go away but I wanted to stay in my sin, I wanted to stay in my perfectionism, stubbornness, my caretaking, and most of my codependency. This became exhausting and left me feeling defeated, empty, and like my needs were unmet, which lead back to addiction, but I felt all those same things in active addiction exhausted, empty, defeated, and like all my needs were unmet in every aspect but the worst was the spiritual death that I had now reached thanks to 31 years of being lonely, drug use, and not having an intimate relationship with Jesus. This apathy and death sparked such a desperation that I was willing to do anything.

When I became willing to lose everything I gained everything. I really honestly mean that.
When I was willing to let God into my life than everything started to change and it continues to change and it is totally for the better. I am letting go of those shortcomings that controlled my life for so long and they are being replaced by things like love joy peace patience gentleness and self control. I have the ability to bite my tongue and not have to stick up nose in everything and try to put my opinion on everything cause I think I know best cause only God does, I have the ability to love people where they are at not if they check off a bunch of boxes or if they meet my expectations, I can pray and wait for my answers and not jump to conclusions cause im freaking out in anxiety cause it’s not moving fast enough, and when I do ask for these things I asked for them to be fulfilled in Gods name because when it’s God’s way it’s the right perfect good way, and my way is becoming god’s way and that is beautiful. I am
so grateful that I have found this way because if I had not found Jesus Christ than I would be stuck in spiritual death and I do not want that! I have found Jesus is the only way, he is the way the truth and the light, and I have tried to do it apart from him and it never works! I really hope you stop trying to do it without Jesus Christ and surrender to the beautiful life he has just waiting for you, that he has always had waiting for you. I know it feels like you are losing everything but honestly you are really gaining everything!! Most of all remember,

I love you

God loves you ♥️

Perfectly Imperfect

07/25/2022

I apologize for the lack of posting lately. But I have been spending a lot of time in the secret place with God, and I have been doing a verse by verse study on Colossians. What I think would be amazing, next to do is a book study on Phillipans, I would love to do this as a group!! I was thinking we could start Aug 15 2021, and that will give me plenty of time to complete the last two chapters of Colossians, and give people the chance to decide if they would like to join! We will be doing one chapter a week and discussing the answers as a group! I have attached the book study pdf below it’s free so nobody has to worry about costs, which is amazing!! I really hope we all do this as a community, as brothers and sisters in Christ!!

https://fearlessfollower.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/FF-Philippians-Study-4-2-2020.pdf

Just remember

I love you

God loves you

Perfectly Imperfect 🙏♥️

07/18/2022

I recently have decided to leave my job for my mental health, it was an extremely hard choice, but I chose to trust in God and know that he will bless me with another job and another opportunity.

It just came to a point where I was at a cross roads in my life and I decided to trust God. It says in “Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people,”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭22:24‬ ‭NLT‬‬ as well as “An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭29:22‬ ‭NLT‬‬. Nothing I did would satisfy this man, I was nit picked daily, I was under appreciated, but when it came to the my last couple of shifts where I cried on a daily basis, I knew it was time to close this season of my life. This was not something I came to lightly, it has been something I have been praying about for weeks. Just like in “I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭11:24‬ ‭NLT‬‬ and I received my answer last night when I told if I make a mistake I will lose my job and he look for someone else, which is so out of character, my bosses have always loved me, I refuse to be bullied out of my job because if I am made in the image of god I should love myself because I love god so very much. After I explain that I do not think it is best to continue this working relationship and I do not feel appreciated, he offered my job back, yet at a lower wage, because apparently asking for help makes me unqualified. And that was the answer I needed to confirm that this was not the place God wanted me. I also believe this is an opportunity to grow and lean into God and grow my faith, because I have never felt so at peace after leaving a job, there is so much uncertainty in the world but never with God I know he’s got me. So this was a blessing in disguise. And I would of never even had this perspective a month ago. And it is all thanks to god and the renewing of the mind just like it states in Romans. And that renewing of my mind gave me the ability to forgive this person and let go in love. And pray that maybe one day too he will find the peace that I feel because I remember when I was living in the world I too nit picked and lived in my perfectionism and I pushed that onto others and that’s because I was so tormented in my mind and held myself up to such a high standard that I too expected that of everyone else. Forgiveness. Love. Peace. And most of all Faith. Faith that God has got it, even when I don’t see the outcome yet.

“And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”
‭‭James‬ ‭1:5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

God will give me exactly what I need in this season of my life and I trust him and not live in fear but like in faith.

I hope you too find this unfailing comfort the Lord gives you regardless of the season of your life.

Just remember

I love you

God loves you

Perfectly Imperfect ♥️🙏