Marriage and Family Bahamas

10/08/2025

Prepare/Enrich
Quality Time: What Makes a Date?

Do you have certain criteria that need to be met in order for something to count as a date?

Maybe it has to be somewhere outside the home and last at least two hours. Maybe you have to dress up and a meal has to be involved. Maybe it has to be planned in advance and take place in the evening.

While these are all characteristics of dates you’ve gone on in the past – and probably of ones you will go on in the future – are these the things that truly make a date? Let’s dive into some different perspectives.

All or nothing thinking has a couple flaws.
Sure, getting dressed up and doing something romantic with all the bells and whistles can definitely add to the date vibe and make for a memorable experience. However, if you have to go all out every time, it can make regular, consistent date nights seem like a pretty heavy lift. Planning the date, arranging childcare, and spending the money on a weekly or even monthly basis simply might not be realistic for you, and that can be discouraging if you’re trying to prioritize going on more dates.

On the flip side, what if you go on a big, fancy date but you’re both distracted or not fully present mentally or emotionally? What if you get into an argument and spend most of the evening feeling upset and disconnected? Would that still count as a date? Or is there actually more to it than that?

It’s all about mindset.
Think about some of the best times you’ve had with your spouse. You’re present in the moment, feeling connected, and enjoying each other’s company. Maybe you were dressed up enjoying a night on the town, but it’s just as possible that you were doing something rather mundane – not on an official date. If the whole goal of going on dates is prioritizing your relationship through meaningful quality time, then being in the right mindset is a key ingredient. Some might argue that a night at home on the couch with your spouse shouldn’t be considered a date – and to some extent, that’s probably true. It shouldn’t make up 100% of your dates. But what if you sat down with intention – no distractions – poured a glass of wine or cup of tea, unboxed a sweet treat from your favorite bakery, and enjoyed the kind of conversation that makes you both feel certain you married your best friend? Would that qualify as a date?

The moral of the story is that an intentional mindset can often be more important than the superficial trappings we often associate with dates. It’s sort of the main ingredient that makes everything else come together, whether it’s sweet, spicy, savory, or comforting.

Broaden your date horizons.
Whether you tend to have a narrow definition of what makes a date, are struggling to make a regular date night work in your current season of life, or feel discouraged thinking it’s not something you can maintain, our challenge to you is to let go of those notions – and redefine what a date can be.

Have a conversation with your spouse about their perspective, too. How do they define a date? Is it different from your definition? How has that affected your dates in the past? Has it helped you go on more, or do you feel like it’s held you back?

Focusing on the components of intentionality, presence, and connection, come up with three “outside the box” date ideas together. And remember, what’s outside the box will be different for everyone – it could be anything from trying a different timeframe or time of day to shifting your mindset around “chores” you typically tackle together. Reflect on how you can make this work for you in terms of establishing and maintaining a habit of dating.

At the end of the day, the goal is prioritizing your relationship in sustainable ways – whether that means adjusting your definition of a date to help you go on more, or expanding the way you think of date nights in general. We’re here to support you in making it happen.

30/07/2025

Prepare/Enrich

Quality Time: How to Make Date Night Happen

July 30, 2025
A regular, consistent date night sounds great on paper. But when it comes to actually following through, it might feel like there’s always something that can stand in the way. Whether it’s an unexpected last-minute event, your season of life, financial situation, or daily life obligations, you can usually come up with an excuse to skip date night.

But there’s one important reason why you shouldn’t: your marriage deserves the effort, and it benefits from the intentional quality time.

So let’s try to make it easier for you. Here are 5 tips to help make date night happen.

1. Plan it in advance – and be open to spontaneity.
Sit down and pull out your calendars. Choose 3 dates in the next two months that will work. Put them in your phone. Add (multiple) reminders. Mark them on the family calendar. Create a sense of anticipation and excitement. At the same time, if an opportunity pops up out of the blue for last-minute date, don’t be afraid to jump on it! Planning ahead is great for busy schedules, but sometimes nothing beats the fun of a spontaneous date.

2. Secure a sitter – and build in a backup plan.
It’s not possible for everyone, but if you can, ask family members – your parents, siblings, or older nieces/nephews – to see if they can watch the kids. List out the dates you need them and see which they can cover. If you live close to family, see if you can coordinate with your siblings and have the grandparents watch all the kids (which makes it a special night for the kiddos, too!). Or build a list of go-to trusted sitters and schedule with them in advance. Have a backup plan should the sitter fall through, like switching the day or time of your date, or even putting the kids to bed early and enjoying a date at home.

3. Think outside the box – and be okay with the usual.
It doesn’t always have to be dinner and drinks in the evening. Redefine what makes a date to make them easier to fit into your weekly cadence. Try morning/day dates, driving dates, and at-home dates. The key is being fully present and able to focus on each other without distraction. At the same time, don’t feel like you need to reinvent the wheel every time either. If you’ve got a tried and true routine that’s easy to execute with minimal planning, go for it!

4. Consider them mandatory – and go with the flow.
Mandatory means it’s of the same importance as say, an important meeting at work or with your kid’s teacher. Bottom line, try not to cancel it for frivolous reasons – like simply because it’s raining or if you’re just feeling kind of tired. There are obviously exceptions to this, but it’s important that you’re both committed to making it happen. Occasionally, a wrench will get thrown into your plans. Maybe the restaurant lost your reservation or the show you were going to see got cancelled. That doesn’t mean you have to scrap the date entirely! Embrace that spontaneity and see where it takes you. You may end up having even more fun than you could have anticipated.

5. Make it a habit – and celebrate your effort.
The more dates you go on, the more it becomes just part of your routine. It will feel less like a hassle with lots of moving parts that need to fall perfectly into place and more like second nature. You’ll know the days of the week that seem to work best, the ideal time for the sitter to arrive, and even discover some new favorite places to go. At the same time, don’t forget to acknowledge the effort that you both put into making dates a regular part of your relationship. It’s a testament to your commitment to each other and shows that you’re both invested in the quality of your marriage. Be proud of yourselves and leverage this momentum to keep it up.

Regular date nights are a great way to strengthen your bond and nurture your friendship. We know it’s unrealistic to think that you’ll never have to cancel one. We also know that sometimes, life gets in the way and it’s just simply not doable. But with a balance of intention, flexibility, and planning ahead, you can make date nights happen! And we know it’ll be worth the effort.

21/05/2025

Prepare/Enrich

Resilience
3 Signs of a New Season & What to Know About Each One

How can you tell the seasons are changing? Aside from the calendar, you probably notice changes in the weather, the amount of sunlight streaming through the curtains in the morning, or the time you spend outdoors in the evening. Maybe the pace of your job or your kids’ schedules pick up or slow down. Holiday festivities get replaced by graduation parties and weddings.

How do you know when you’re transitioning to a new season in your marriage? It’s not always as clear – there are fewer external cues. Instead, there’s often just a feeling, a sense that things are shifting – which can manifest in different ways. Wondering what those are? Here are 3 signs you might be entering a new season, and what you need to know about each one.

Sign #1: Things seem harder than usual.
Maybe you are fighting with your spouse over little things and just can’t seem to get on the same page. As much as you’re both trying, communication has been a struggle lately. Perhaps your kids have been particularly challenging lately, and routines that used to go smoothly are now a test of your patience. You feel like you’re floundering in roles, whether that’s as a spouse, parent, or even in your job. Instead of feeling competent and confident like you typically do, everything just feels hard right now.

What to know: First off, let’s acknowledge that it’s not fun to feel like you’re flailing (or failing). However, as uncomfortable as it can be, it’s often a sign that you’re on the cusp of growth. Think about when you’re learning a new skill or activity. There’s often an awkward period where you’re fumbling along trying to figure things out. It’s all part of the learning process. The same goes for when you’re entering a new season. You’re facing new challenges and problems and trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t. It’s trial and error, mistakes and messiness, and it can be difficult to see what’s coming on the other side. Instead of letting it drag you down, focus on the fact that you’re gaining experience and insight that will help you in this new phase of life.

Sign #2: You feel closer – or further apart.
Navigating change, uncertainty, or new experiences in your day-to-day life means you might be leaning on each other as a source of security and support. Whether you’re spending extra time together or not, you’re feeling really emotionally connected. Or, you could be experiencing the opposite. Perhaps new or increased obligations are pulling you in opposite directions or have you both in survival mode, leaving little time or energy for each other.

What to know: It’s completely normal for your levels of closeness and connection to go up and down throughout the course of your marriage. It’s actually a healthy relationship response to the stressors, crises, or adversity that can throw your typical “baseline” for a loop. The key is that you gradually return to balanced level of closeness versus venturing into the extremes of codependence or disconnection. Keep in mind, it can require effort and intention to get back to balanced – it won’t always happen on its own. Prioritize your relationship while taking steps to find that sense of balance again – whether that is carving out more quality time or supporting each other in pursuing individual hobbies you’ve abandoned.

Sign #3: Life feels chaotic.
Various factors are causing your usual routines and schedules to shift and change. Your days might feel like they lack their usual rhythm and predictability. If you’re someone who prefers routine over uncertainty, this can leave you feeling untethered and out of sorts. If you don’t mind change, things might just seem a little crazier than usual, but you’re able to go with the flow.

What to know: This sense of chaos is typically only temporary. It can be helpful to remind yourself of this when it feels like this is your new normal. It’s your normal right now, but not forever! Just as your level of connection ebbs and flows throughout marriage, so too does the sense of order and predictability. Whether a new baby has turned your Type A household into “Anything Goes,” a new work schedule forces you to rearrange your lives, or growing kids and their activities mean increasingly busy schedules, there will be a transition period as you figure things out and settle into a new rhythm. Before you know it, what once was a struggle will feel like second nature.

As with many things in life, we often lack a clear perspective until we’re viewing it in hindsight. When you and your spouse are in the midst of a transition that tests your resolve and pushes you beyond what’s familiar, you might start to question things: What’s going on? Is this normal? Is this how it’s always going to be? These worries are normal, but just remember that on the other side of the struggle lies a rewarding new season of life together.

Prepare-Enrich May 2025

05/10/2024

Check out Love Language you can use every day!

If you look carefully, you’ll probably find that you’ve developed a special language of love that’s unique to your marriage alone.

15/09/2024

Why Get Married? Focus on the Family

… and other Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage episodes from August

Can your family answer them?

‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌

Ready to keep growing your marriage? Help your marriage thrive when you catch up on these recent episodes of Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage.

Marriage Friendships: Accountability & Fellowship:
Are you and your spouse cultivating meaningful relationships with other couples? Marriage experts Matt & Lisa Jacobson join Greg & Erin to talk about the importance of friendships.

Stress & Love Styles:
Do you sometimes find it hard to show love when you’re stressed? World-renowned love experts Milan & Kay Yerkovich join us for a deeper dive into stress love styles.

Becoming Marriage Mentors:
Marriage mentors are extremely important in helping married couples develop strong marriages. Join us as Greg & Erin sit down with Marriage 911 mentors RG & Karen Yallaly to talk through how, and why, you should consider mentoring other couples.

Why Get Married?:
Did you know that 75% of modern couples live together before they get married? Did you also know that 75% of couple who live together before they get married end in divorce? Join us as Dr. David Gudgel outlines the negative effects of cohabitation.

Listen to these episodes, and more, by clicking the link below:

https://podcasts.focusonthefamily.com/show/crazy-little-thing-called-marriage/

May God bless you and your family,
Focus on the Family

Did you know the Hebrew root word for marriage is the same as mess? Okay, maybe not, but it wasn’t a stretch to believe, right? This is the podcast for Christian ma…

31/08/2024

Prepare/Enrich Article Re-posted

Relationship Basics – Part 1
August 28, 2024
Kids are heading back to school, building a foundation of the skills and knowledge that will carry them through life. Often at the start of the year and at certain points throughout, teachers will dedicate time to reviewing what’s already been covered. The purpose, of course, is to make sure students have the fundamentals down pat or that they’re retaining information before moving on to something new. When it comes to your marriage, do you need a review?

Sometimes there is no substitute for getting back to basics – those fundamental things that make all the difference in the quality of your relationship. As we go about our daily lives, we sometimes lose sight of these things and fall into bad habits. Over time, you start to feel the effect – things are just off between you or it feels like you’re in a rut. Not to worry! We’ve rounded up all the basics in one place, organized from A-Z.

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Appreciation: Showing each other appreciation on a regular basis helps you both feel loved and cherished in your marriage. Focusing on what you appreciate about your spouse’s personality can help shift your perspective when you’re feeling annoyed with each other. Appreciation is also closely tied to gratitude, which can help decrease conflict and be better partners to each other.

Assertiveness and active listening: These are the key components of good communication and the foundation on which many other relationship skills are built. Without them, resolving conflict becomes very difficult and resentment has a tendency to grow. Learn more about why these basic skills are so important here, then gain tips for improving at each one here and here. ��

Assessment: Taking a relationship assessment might seem intimidating, but it shouldn’t be! It’s actually a great way to gain insight, learn about yourselves and each other, and grow as a couple. Even if you already took one when you were engaged, there are many big benefits to making it a regular thing.

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Balance: A sense of balance is important in all areas of your life, including within your individual self and in your marriage. Without it, you can feel burnt out, out of sync, or like things are just not flowing as smoothly as they could. Check out these five key areas to strive for balance in your life.

Boundaries: Boundaries are protective barriers that we establish to protect our marriage from external factors that have the potential to disrupt or damage the equilibrium of your relationship. These three types of boundaries touch on many areas of your life and are essential to maintaining that healthy sense of balance mentioned previously. Want to know more about family boundaries in particular? They deserved their own post!

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Check-ins: A relationship check-in is a designated time for you and your partner to touch base on the status of your relationship. You might talk about what’s working or not working, how satisfied you both are in various areas of your relationship, express gratitude and appreciation, air grievances, or even just talk about your day. All couples can benefit from a regular check-in, but here are five signs to consider initiating one.

Communication: It all comes down to communication. So many things feed into the quality of communication in your marriage, and that means there are many things that can derail it, too. While no one is perfect at it all of the time, being willing and intentional about working on it throughout your marriage will benefit your relationship greatly. Here are our five top tips for mastering communication with your spouse.

Conflict: Conflict is inevitable in marriage; what matters most is how you handle that conflict. There are many factors that affect how well you and your spouse manage your disagreements. Aside from always working on your communication, making these mindset shifts can make a huge difference in how you navigate your next fight. If you have an issue that you can’t seem to agree on, check out this post. And if compromise is necessary, you’ll want to check out these essential tips.

Connection: Having a strong emotional connection to each other is a vital part of an enduring marriage. Without it, you’re basically just roommates going through the motions. That said, it takes effort and intention to maintain this bond throughout the ups and downs and daily grind of life. The good news is it doesn’t take hours every day to achieve. Here are some hidden opportunities, daily moments, and quick ways to boost your connection.

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Date night: Continuing to date your spouse might seem optional, but we think it’s a must. It helps you nurture your connection and friendship, which ultimately keeps your marriage strong. The reality is, though, that prioritizing date nights consistently isn’t easy. Put simply, it won’t happen unless you make an intentional effort to make it happen. Check out our go-to date night guide for all the tips and date ideas you need.

Defensiveness: Defensiveness can be one of the biggest barriers to good communication and productively dealing with conflict. It often kicks off a cycle that can be hard to break – if one of you reacts defensively, the other is likely to follow suit. Here are five keys to breaking that cycle.

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Empathy: Seeing things from your partner’s frame of reference increases your connection and does wonders for the way you communicate and resolve conflict, ultimately transforming your marriage. Find out how.

Expectations: Unmet expectations are one of the most common causes of conflict in marriage. When you understand this, you begin to see that you actually have control over your expectations – and adjusting or communicating them better can have a really positive effect on your relationship. You can read all about that in this post. �

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Family: Family can have a significant influence on your marriage, whether it’s what you observed about marriage in your family of origin or dealing with complicated present-day family dynamics. Understanding this influence, learning to navigate these relationships, and setting healthy boundaries will benefit your marriage and family greatly.

Flexibility: Flexibility in marriage lends to a more resilient relationship. It enables you to bend – not break – in the face of life’s inevitable adversity, stressors, or hardships. Learn how you can boost your flexibility as a couple here.

Forgiveness: As imperfect humans, we make mistakes. We hurt our partner, even if it’s the last thing we set out to do. That’s why forgiveness is a crucial part of a lifelong marriage. It opens you up to the possibility of peace and growth, instead of letting your relationship become brittle and bogged down by the anger and resentment of those past wounds. Read more about recognizing, seeking/granting, and self-forgiveness. Then explore why forgiveness is not always so cut and dry here.

Friendship: Research shows that couples who share a deep friendship are often happier in their relationship. It makes sense – with friendship comes mutual respect, care and affection for each other. It helps you stay emotionally connected to each other and committed to your relationship. Here’s how to nurture friendship with your spouse.

Stay tuned for parts 2 and 3 of our Relationship Basics series!

19/06/2024

RESILIENCE
4 SURPRISING WAYS YOU INVEST IN YOUR MARRIAGE
JUNE 19, 2024
When you think of investing in something, what comes to mind? If money immediately pops into your head, you’re probably not alone. It’s true – investing is often associated with finances. But in this post we’ll be talking about what is arguably the most important investment in your life – your marriage!

When you get married, you’re investing all you have into that commitment – financially, sure – but also on levels much deeper than that. Energy, time, emotion, love – you put all of those eggs into the basket that is your marriage. You’re banking on a lifelong commitment and a future together.

So what does this look like in the context of everyday life? Here are four surprising ways you invest in your marriage:

1. You address the tough issues – and table them if you need to.
Dealing with contentious issues in your marriage isn’t fun. So when you face conflict head-on, it doesn’t always feel like you’re doing something right. It can be uncomfortable and tense and just plain difficult. It can feel like you’re stirring the pot unnecessarily, especially when you easily could have just swept the issue aside for the time being. But when you choose to be proactive about these issues instead of sitting in complacency, you stop resentment from festering and prevent bigger, more insidious problems from taking root. And those issues that you know won’t get resolved right away? You understand that working through it together for the long-term benefit of your marriage is more important than resolving things quickly.

2. You focus on yourself.
It seems counterintuitive, but it’s not about being selfish or narcissistic. When it comes to investing in your marriage, it’s about working on yourself to be a better spouse. That might be learning more about your own triggers and insecurities, or becoming aware of the things that you struggle with and taking the initiative to work on them. Or it might be taking care of yourself physically and mentally to ensure you’re able to be there in full capacity for your spouse and family long-term.

3. You set goals together.
Whether it’s saving up for a big home renovation, striving to live a healthier lifestyle, or trying to make regular date nights a reality, setting goals together requires a certain level of commitment. It means you’re aligned on what you’re working toward, and you’re able to communicate to achieve that alignment. Depending on the scope of the goal, it might require long-term planning and sacrifice. You’ll need to be a source of support and encouragement to each other along the way.

4. You don’t try to change each other.
Your spouse isn’t perfect, but who is? Sure, they have traits and quirks that drive you nuts and vice versa. But you know that trying to change each other’s personality is ultimately a waste of time and energy. When you fully accept and love your spouse for who they are, it can create a positive shift throughout your entire relationship. You appreciate each other more and learn to leverage your differences instead of working against them. When you’re not holding each other to unrealistic expectations, you both feel more satisfied in your relationship. And when you embrace each others true selves, you create the best foundation for growing both individually and as a couple.

Investing in your marriage on a daily basis might not be about dollars and cents, but it does have a big payoff: a strong connection, a dynamic marriage, a sense of security in your commitment to each other, and the knowledge that you can count on each other no matter what life throws your way.

Prepare-Enrich

30/05/2024

5 FUN ANNIVERSARY TRADITIONS TO START THIS YEAR
MAY 30, 2024
Do you have your wedding anniversary celebration down to a science? While it’s obviously great that you’re consistently giving your marriage the recognition it deserves, you might welcome some ways to add some novelty and fun to your next anniversary. Whether you are celebrating 5 years or 50, it’s never too late to try something new.

1. Create a time capsule.
There are several different ways you can do this. One option is that you both collect mementos or other tokens that represent your favorite memories throughout the year. Then on your anniversary, you take turns sharing what you collected. Another way is to create a capsule that you’ll reopen again on an anniversary down the road. You could create it at year five and revisit at year 25, or add something to it every year. It’s a fun way to revisit and relive your favorite memories and capture how much things have changed (or stayed the same) over time.

2. Interview each other.
This is a great way to reflect with intention on your marriage journey. Again, you can get creative with how you do this! Email each other questions and spend some time jotting down your answers, then come together to share them. Or do it completely on the spot – you could even consider recording your interviews to watch again at a big milestone anniversary. Drawing a blank on what to ask? We’ve got some questions to get you started here.

3. Take a photo.
This one sounds pretty basic – there’s a good chance you already do this in some form or another. But have you considered how you can inject some extra meaning into it instead of just another selfie? Maybe every year you recreate your favorite wedding photo or you go back to the spot where you met or got engaged. Think of the cool time-lapse effect when you flip through these photos many years down the road.

4. Work your way through a list.
No, we’re not talking about going grocery shopping or tackling a bunch of chores (although if that’s your thing, go for it!) What we’re referring to here is more like a must-see/do/try list of something that you’re both into or that is meaningful to your relationship. For example, maybe you and your spouse are nature fanatics, so every year you take an anniversary hiking trip, working your way through all of the state parks. If you’re foodies or love wine, maybe it’s all the top-rated restaurants in your area or a list of the special bottles you want to try – you get the idea! It’s a unique way to tie special experiences to memories and be able to track your progress.

5. Plant something.
Whether you are into gardening or not, there is something satisfying about planting something and seeing it sprout up year after year.. If you plant something in your yard or around your house for every anniversary, it’s a beautiful representation of the way your marriage has bloomed and grown. Consider perennial flowers, bushes, or even a tree for a big milestone year! It’s a gift to yourselves that will keep on giving.

The way you celebrate your anniversary will likely vary throughout your marriage. Some years you might have the capacity to go all out, while others you might not have the bandwidth for more than a card and a kiss. By adopting any of these fun traditions, you create a sense of continuity that you can anchor to throughout your years of marriage. Prepare-Enrich

We are a Ministry associated with Calvary Bible Church. We seek to share events and resources that foster a Biblical Worldview of Marriage and the Family.

09/05/2024

5 MOST COMMON CONFLICT ISSUES
MAY 8, 2024
When it comes to conflict in your marriage, it can sometimes feel like you’re the only couple who regularly deals with certain issues. It might seem like other couples have a much easier time resolving conflict or that it shouldn’t be so hard for you and your spouse. That can feel pretty isolating. But we’re going to let you in on a secret: most couples, even those that are skilled in conflict resolution, deal with a common set of conflict-related problems in their marriage.

That’s right. Prepare/Enrich data has pinpointed five of the most common conflict issues reported by a majority of couples. Here’s what they are:

1. “One person always ends up feeling like it’s their fault.”
In the midst of conflict, it’s natural to want to place blame. You might point the finger at each other, or you may have tendency to take the “everything is always my fault” stance. Truthfully, in most situations, there is room for both partners to take responsibility for the ways they’ve contributed to the problem. It might mean holding yourself accountable for something you said or did, or it could be owning your feelings or your reaction to a situation. Ultimately, it takes two people to have a fight and to resolve it. Leaning into this mindset can set the stage for more productive discussion and resolution.

2. “We go out of our way to avoid conflict.”
Most people don’t like fighting with their spouse. So it seems a bit counterintuitive that one of the big issues is avoiding the issue in the first place. Less conflict is good, right? Well, not necessarily. Conflict is inevitable in marriage. Although it might not always feel like it, dealing with it productively can actually boost your sense of connection and help you grow as a couple. When you consistently avoid addressing issues, there’s a good chance that resentment or other emotional clutter is building up between you. After all, the problems don’t go away just because you sweep them under the rug. Working through problems together can be uncomfortable – and just plain hard. But it’s worth it in the end. We dive more into the reasons why here.

3. “We can’t agree on how to solve things.”
You’re working through issues – that’s great! But you’re completely at odds over how to solve them – not so great. This is normal, of course. You are two individuals who likely have different personalities and ways of thinking. It makes sense that this would carry over into problem-solving your marital conflicts. One of the most important things to keep in mind as you work toward a resolution is that you and your spouse are on the same team. It’s not about “winning” or trying to work things in your own favor. Rather, you’re working as a team to come up with the best solution for your relationship. Find more on how to reach a compromise here.

4. “We have big fights over seemingly small things.”
A casual comment about how the dishwasher is loaded leads to a big blow-up argument, and you don’t speak to each other for two days. Be honest – is it really about the dishwasher? Or is there an underlying issue that’s been festering for awhile but has gone unaddressed? Sometimes it boils down to issue #2 – you avoid dealing with the issue simply because you’d rather not stir the pot with an uncomfortable conversation. Meanwhile, negative emotions are brewing beneath the surface. Other times, innocuous conversation can derail into an argument because one or both of you are getting defensive or you’re misunderstanding each other. Gain some valuable tips for defusing a fight here.

5. “We keep fighting about the same things.”
Do you have certain topics that you simply do not agree on, and you are worried you never will? Are you unsure what steps to take next or concerned about whether it’s going to damage your relationship? It can feel frustrating and discouraging having this constant elephant in the room, but take heart – it’s okay to disagree! In these situations, the key to breaking the stalemate is to start working toward alignment instead of complete and total agreement. You can learn more about what that looks like here.

When you’re in the thick of conflict with you spouse, it can feel like you’re the only couple in the world going through it, when in fact most couples experience these issues to some extent. We hope this leaves you feeling encouraged and empowered – you’re not failing, and you can get better at handling conflict in your marriage.

Prepare-Enrich