The George Street Journal

06/09/2026

COHORT-WIDE HYSTERIA: Washed-up first years are being brainwashed by woke legal thinking. Following weeks of being tasked to define apparently simple yet dangerously nuanced terms such as “person”, “material”, and the universally feared “reasonable”, LLB107 ‘Statutory Interpretation’ students are succumbing to a cohort-wide existential crisis after realising that the process used in their assignment cannot help them find the legal purpose of our mortal plane.

With a projected cohort average of 19/50, next week’s assignment due date has devastated and demoralised students taking up philosophy in the hopes of finding a new reason to live.

“They taught us the golden rule, the literal rule, the mischief rule, but none of them are teaching me what I was put on this world to do,” said one student who was spending her LLB107 lecture booking flights for a “spiritual pilgrimage” to Bali. “Where is the syntactical presumption that life is worth living?”

After days of poring through prescribed readings however, there was no answer to be found. Where the Acts Interpretation Act doesn’t provide an exhaustive or even inclusive instruction as to the meaning of life, and current case law has been surprising silent on the matter, the ordinary meaning should apply. But for some students, an authoritative dictionary was simply not enough.

When leaving this week’s lecture, our veteran journalist was quickly absorbed by a flash mob of self-proclaimed “statutory shaman”. After being led into an unlit study room in the law library, they was granted an exclusive audience with high profile guru Caitlyn “Ejusdem” Generis, revered by current LLB107 students after she bagged a 76/100 on the unit last year. This is what she had to say:

‘It was A.V Dicey who insisted on equality of all before the law. And what’s one thing that affects us all equally? Time. Which naturally equals money. Now, everyone knows that lawyers bill in six-minute increments. This means that the purpose of life is to do the next six minutes better than anyone else. You worship yourself, six minutes from now, hundreds of dollars richer.

Read more at thegeorgestreetjournal.com

24/08/2026

THERE’S NO SIGN OF INTELLIGENT LIFE ANYWHERE: It’s week 6. Situationships splintered. Groupchats in disrepair. The Law R***e Instagram posted a reel about it a few days ago. Tensions are rising in tutorials throughout Gardens Point this morning, as group assignments heat up across every faculty.

Despite the fact that working in the legal profession is almost always some form of undesirable teamwork, it seems the School of Law is not immune. The 20-40% weighted style of assessment remains one of our degree’s most feared experiences, second only to missing out on tickets to high-society events like Law R***e or Law Dinner.

Eager to find out why this is the case, we turned to one of HiQ’s leading scientists, Dr. Jim John.

“New tests are finding that every student is hysterically convinced they’re the only competent member of any group they’ve ever been in.” he explained.

“Therein lies the statistical anomaly - where is the LLBludger? Somebody must be the group member everyone complains about, but we are yet to come across them. We are officially dubbing this perplexing phenomenon the Group Assignment Paradox.”

When told he’d used the word “paradox” incorrectly, John threatened our journalist with an academic sanction and a shadow ban on their Bot Bar privileges.

It was only last semester that we first received confirmation that the deadly affliction reared it’s head in our degree. Patient zero, Anita Hand had become the first to report back pain from having to carry their group, describing the assessment as “the most one-sided cl*******ck I’ve ever experienced.”

Read more at thegeorgestreetjournal.com

17/08/2026

credit to our wonderful merch officer

10/08/2026

THANK GOD IT’S A DAY OFF: For the uni student with an entirely disposable income and an iron-clad immune system, the Ekka is a much-loved retreat from the endless drawl that always is the beginning of Semester 2.

When asked by our correspondents if they would be attending the 150th anniversary of city slickers larping as the Nationals target demographic, opinions among students were sharply divided – almost exactly by tax bracket.

“This is my chance to escape the stereotype of being a Queen Street Cowboy,” said one life-long Brisbanite while vigorously polishing his pair of RM’s. “I can finally get some real red dirt on these.”

“I just had noodles for the fourth night in a row. I ran out of sick leave in May.” another student explained. “I could get the same experience licking the bathroom floor of the Fortitude Valley train station.”

But for one third-year student, the hump day holiday means much more: temporary refuge from a disproportionately fu**ed academic situation. While most students keep up with content until at least mid-sem break before falling behind, Kat Chup is currently opening the week 2 lecture for her first unit.

“Technically speaking I’m not even behind yet,” Chup insisted while adjusting the playback speed to 1.75x. “It’s just last week’s tutorial content.” Insiders report however that the 21-year-old has indeed purchased an Ekka ticket with the additional strawberry ice-cream voucher.

Will there be more to come? Yeah mate I’m not here to f**k spiders. Yeehaw.

Do you think the author of this article is washed? Show them how it’s done and send an article of your own to [email protected]

26/07/2026

WAR IN THE HALLS OF C BLOCK: A straight law uprising has made a dystopia out of QUT’s beloved law library.

Withstanding the test of time (and distasteful changes to opening hours), QUT’s heritage-listing-worthy law library has long served as the home ground of a grassroots territorial rivalry between LLB purists and those looking to call its open floor plan and nifty kitchenette home.

After years of tolerating outsiders gallivanting around study spots across both level 5 and 6, war has finally erupted following the end of moot room renovations.

Greasy 3rd year student Sonny Straitlore has plunged the educational haven into mob rule in a bold move against “mud blood” double degree and non-law students.

Since rewatching all three Godfather films instead of studying his LLB350 ‘Law and Ethics of War’ content, the aspiring financial crimes solicitor has assembled a purist posse to restore order to C-block.

Since the start of semester, straight law elitists have been seen forcibly evicting students for a myriad of reasons, including “disturbance of super-duper important moot preparations” and “intent to misplace pieces on the communal puzzle”.

“These no good multi-talented chumps are taking all the good charging outlets!” Sonny said. “I’m gonna make them an offer they can’t refuse.”

“If they’re here for the TV study booths, and not the LLB Help Me session, they can go for a swim in the Garden’s Point pool with some concrete filled RM Williams.”

When confronted about the rumours that he himself was doing a double degree in Economics before flunking out last year, Sonny yelled “Forgettabout it!” before fleeing the scene.

As a result of the chaos, HiQ has reported an unprecedent spike in double degree dropout rates across the board. Students who once aspired to dual qualifications for “improved employability” now fear retribution from those doing ‘just’ straight law.

However, the elitist revolution has not gone unopposed.

Read more at thegeorgestreetjournal.com

13/07/2026

It’s been more than a month since our last article. Dear readers, did you miss us? We missed you more. But fret not! New semester, new us. To kick things off, we are breaking and exiting the fourth wall with intent to explore a timeless philosophical quandary!

With semester 2 officially set to kick off in a week, I find myself confronted by a daunting dilemma that demands a decision. One that could dictate the trajectory of my semester as I know it. When ISSAC’s simply won’t suffice, I turn to you dear readers. My closest confidants.

Can I really be fu**ed to go in for week 1 just to hear about academic integrity from 4 different lecturers?

After spending the last six weeks telling my parents that I had some serious uni work to do over the break, it may indeed be time to commit to the bit and return to making university my entire personality. But long gone are the days of first year. There’s no shot I’m arriving to the lectures 20 mins early to copy down the PowerPoints. Speaking of PowerPoints, I can very well guess that the semester overview will be scraped together from the introductory modules on Canvas.

Next there’ll a revision of the academic integrity policy. Then comes the policy on Gen AI (plot twist: we can’t use it). There’s actually no need to bother with either of these disclaimers however, as they will most certainly be copy-pasted into every email you are sent for the rest of semester. We might even commence with some completely irrelevant historical background that will not be assessed in any way. Then the cherry on top is a recommendation for an $180 textbook that I would pirate source online if I actually intended to read it.

Accordingly, I’ve come to the conclusion that copy-pasting the unit outline into a fresh Word doc would be equivalently productive, and hopefully enough to start building the momentum I need for my academic comeback.

Next week I might debate whether week 2 is all that necessary either, especially since the class rolls haven’t been marked since Torts.

If you have an opinion you wanna share, feel free to trauma dump in an email to [email protected]!

POLL: Is it worth going in for Week 1 Lectures?

24/05/2026

As we come to the end of another gruelling semester, so too we come to another Let’s Get Rekt. Third-year law student Will Yuri-Ply is persevering yet again at trying to find “the love of his life” and “a partner to lead his law firm with”.

Last semester, his determined use of the ol’ faithful pickup line “I’m a future judge” landed him a record-breaking 18 rejections in 2 hours. This time, with an extra 0.2 on his GPA and another $8,000 in HECS debt, the hopeless romantic is trying to change it up.

While other party goers exchange Instagram handles, Will has now taken to something less confrontational for his fifth time round: business cards that tell a girl everything she needs to know.

“It’s revolutionary, really. I’ve got my name and GPA listed and then there’s a QR code on the back which takes them directly to my LinkedIn profile.” he said. “I can maximise consumer outreach by sliding them across tables and slipping them into pockets!”

Little does he know, women’s clothes don’t come with pockets.

“For some reason no one seems to see the potential in a young changemaker such as myself. It’s their loss anyway. I’m sure they’ll all come crawling back when they see me land my Big 6 clerkship. Ever heard of an Eagle Street Cowboy?”

Our correspondents spoke to one of his long time romantic casualties and this is what she had to say:

“Last time he bought me like five drinks… but if the margs keep getting me fu**ed up then who am I to say no? Best believe if he tries anything weird I’m bringing it up at his admission.”

Insiders suggest that Will is considering turning to the attractive (and humble) GSJ editor for advice on how to get some. But not even we know if he can be saved.

Will there be more to come? Will this creep get aired out on QUT Love Letters? Tune in next semester to find out.

10/05/2026

WHERE ARE THE CAMERAS: Last Friday, Canvas s**t itself.

Thousands of students were left in limbo without any way to access content during the School of Law’s worst wave of assessments we’ve seen since this time last semester.

When asked if this might actually be bad enough to warrant special consideration, a HiQ spokesperson told our correspondent to go f**k themselves, adding that students would instead need to obtain a stat-dec from one of the hackers and a 20-page report outlining all the work that they intended to complete during the half-day blackout.

For many people, the outage forced a hiatus from the degree and an opportunity to touch grass.

But for 19-year-old Ima Fale, it meant tragically postponing her long awaited academic comeback.

The contracts student reportedly spent the better part of the week informing mates, tutors, and her family group chat that she was preparing to “lock in” for her “winter arc”.

“I made a strategic move to ignore content for the past few weeks so I could devote my time to the assignments.” she said.

“Even a 5% redrafting task can be the difference between a 6 and a 7 in the long run.”

“Every assignment she’s submitted this semester has been during the 48 hour extension and that’s usually after our groupchat sends through the answers.” one insider corrected.

Eye-witnesses reported that after opening her laptop, ducking to the bathrooms, emptying her wallet at the Food Court, and booking a booth in the Lawbry, Fale was mere moments away from opening the week 3 module when disaster struck.

“The matrix keeps trying to hold me down,” she said whilst packing up to head to the Bot Bar. “But best believe the winter arc resumes the second Canvas comes back online.”

Despite being informed that Canvas went back up at roughly 3:30pm that same day, she insists the comeback must be postponed until next week minimum, “as the hackers intended.”

Likely not much more to come.

02/05/2026

LAW BALL THREAD 🔥🔥🔥 let’s get mooning

01/05/2026