04/03/2020
I KEEP IT TO MYSELF
I am afraid to walk with my head held high,
I am afraid to release my voice confined so I sigh
I am unapparent where ever I am known.
Their disgusted and terrifying eyes is all I have ever known.
“She is an illegitimate child dear do not associate yourself with her
Lest her misfortunes cascade down to you.
She is a carrier of bad luck,you do not want everyone to deny you like her father did
Pretend like she never exists,and make sure to inform when you get into contact,
With her so we perform a cleansing ceremony”
I hear a mother warning her child against me,when she sees me passing
Loneliness has become my adjacent visitor
I have no one I can call my own,
Well my mother is barely in reality,she is always trapped in her planet of sorrow,and regret.
Regrets I do not understand,
Are they for my existence or for trusting the wrong man.
I decided to keep all my sorrows to myself,
I heard my mother is my only relative,her family disowned her.
I am sixteen yet there is nothing sweet about it.
Old men with gray hair and big tummies,
Old enough to be my grandparents hiss and do catcalls on me,
When they call me I get terrified and runaway
And they shout “stop pretending to be innocent,you are just like your mother!”
Married women taunt me when they see their husbands being nice to me,
They see a family wrecker,yet l do not tell this to anyone.
Shantel Zulu