Patrick Weaver

05/31/2026

Once you release them from the responsibility of being who you wished they were, you free yourself to leave or love them for who they are.

One of the greatest, unhealthiest burdens we put on love is the expectation for someone to be who we want them to be—despite who their behavior proves they are. Free yourself and them from “hopium” — a painful emotional loop where we desperately cling to a beautiful fantasy of what could be, just to survive the heartbreaking reality of what actually is. It is not stupidity; it is a survival mechanism used by a hurting heart that is simply terrified to let go of the last shred of potential. False hope builds anger and resentment beloved.

Here is what "relationship hopium" is actually doing to your brain and body:

* The Dopamine Trap of "What If": Your brain releases way more dopamine during anticipation than during the actual reward. When your partner gives you a tiny breadcrumb of affection or a rare good day, your brain treats it like a jackpot. You become addicted to the fantasy of who they could be, rather than the reality of who they are.

* Logic Center Shutdown: When you live on hopium, emotional survival takes over. Your brain actively dials down activity in your prefrontal cortex—the area responsible for logic, risk assessment, and seeing red flags. You literally blind yourself to reality to protect the hope.

* Chronic Cortisol Burnout: Deep down, your intuition knows the truth. Living in the gap between fantasy and reality creates massive internal friction. This floods your system with cortisol (the stress hormone), leading to constant anxiety, physical exhaustion, and emotional burnout.

The hard truth is, hopium ignores their repeated actions and builds a fantasy. We get caught up in "hopium" because our brains prefer the intoxicating comfort of a beautiful lie over the painful disruption of an ugly truth. Manipulators know this, and they actively weaponize it to keep you hooked. Here is exactly how they induce that addictive loop:

* Future Faking: Promising a perfect future to distract from a toxic present.

* Intermittent Reinforcement: Giving rare crumbs of affection so your brain keeps chasing the "jackpot."

* The "Almost" Breakthrough: Staging emotional apologies (“apolo-lies”) only when they feel you pulling away. An apology without change is manipulation.

* Weaponized Vulnerability: Blaming trauma so you think your love can fix them.

Use These 3 Steps to Break the Hopium Addiction:

1. Audit the Reality, Not the Apology. Stop listening to what they promise to do. Write down a physical list of their actions over the last 90 days. If their behavior doesn't match their words, the words are a lie. Period.

2. Go Cold Turkey on "Potential.” Every time you catch yourself thinking, "If they just did X, we would be perfect," stop. Force yourself to rephrase it out loud: "They do not do X, and this is exactly what my life looks like right now." Face the present version of them.

3. Shift from "Waiting for Change" to "Deciding What You Can Live With.” If an immediate exit or a hard deadline isn't realistic due to kids, finances, etc., you must change your internal contract. Stop expecting them to change. Accept that the person in front of you right now is exactly who they will always be. Ask yourself: "If this exact behavior never changes for the rest of my life, what is my actual, realistic plan?" This shifts your brain from passive, addictive hoping into active, logical survival mode.

Understand this…hopium doesn’t change them, it changes you beloved. Stop waiting for a character in your imagination to step into their body. Believe what they show you.

💬 Which one of these tactics has kept you stuck the longest—the future faking, “apolo-lies,” the rare breadcrumbs of affection or something else? Let's talk below.

05/29/2026

Change begins with honest self-reflection and a desire to honor the will and plan of God for the man you are called to be. Abuser is a title that denotes a departure from God's will and plan, not only in your life but also in the lives of those injured by your departure. Click below to take the assessment by Dr. Andrew J. Bauman for an insightful and helpful beginning.

One of the most difficult parts of this healing process of becoming a good and safe man is owning the fact that you have been abusive. So does that make you an abuser? Of course, it does. Yet, there is such stigma and shame around that word, it is difficult to bear.

05/25/2026

Somebody needs to hear this…a God move is Bible proved. The truth, the way, the will of God is not confusing. Confusion creeps in when discernment is cut off or disrupted by emotions beloved. Somebody is struggling to understand or make sense of what’s going on in their life. Somebody is trying to see what God is doing and why.

I want you to understand something about a God move…If you want to see what, why and how God moved, you have to read what God said beloved. See, as believers, our understanding isn’t just a matter of what we think or how we feel. If the warning lights on your car’s dashboard came on, would you sit in the garage and try to figure out the problem with your emotions and feelings, or would you open the owner’s manual? The answer to your God questions aren’t going to be in your emotions or your feelings beloved…the answer, the wisdom, the discernment is going to be in the owner’s manual. The owner’s manual has already addressed and answered every question you could possibly have about anything you’re going through or anybody you’re dealing with. How do we know our spiritual dashboard warning lights are on? When what we speak or believe is contrary to the word of God.

Remember beloved, “God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth” (John 4:24). If you’re not worshipping God in spirit and truth, the devil will turn your worship into a weapon — against you. The devil will convince you that you are the first, the only and the last to go through what you’re going through. The devil will convince you that nothing in the Bible is capable of providing the wisdom and understanding you need to proceed with confidence and understanding.

Listen to this…the Bible tells us that Peter entered into the courtyard where Jesus was being interrogated, and instead of standing with Jesus Peter decided to go sit by the fire. Now, while Peter was sitting by the fire, instead of standing with Jesus, he came under attack by the Jesus haters. Instead of getting up and walking away from the Jesus haters, Peter stayed by the fire and began to deny Jesus out of fear: “After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.” Then Peter began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!” (Matthew 26:73-74).

In other words, if you sit your emotions and feelings by the fire and stay there despite being attacked, you will deny Jesus. Not intentionally but by default. When we sit by life’s flames and don’t go to the word to get understanding, we will be attacked. Why? Because the enemy knows that if you aren’t worshipping God in spirit and in truth, if you aren’t reading the owner’s manual for truth, if you are leaning to your own understanding, you will deny God. We always deny God when we sit by the fire instead of going to the word.

And let me say this…in times of war don’t read the Bible randomly, go to the bible intentionally to get understanding about the topic, issue or clarity about the subject you’re trying to understand. Go to somebody for help if you need to but don’t sit by the fire instead going to the word. You can’t have spiritual discernment and understand what the truth is, if you don’t rely on the owner’s manual beloved. If you haven’t gone to the owner’s manual for understanding, please do. And don’t stop until you get the revelation that you need, because the revelation you need is in the word beloved.

“The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding” (Proverbs 4:7)

Carry On!

05/24/2026

05/21/2026

They say they love you because love for them is measured not by what they do but how much you can do for them. How much they can control, manipulate and guilt you into giving them the benefits of you without the responsibilities you. Some folks will tell you they love you deeply, with words, when what they really mean is, “I’ll keep lying as long as you keep supplying.” Pray attention…”These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me” (Matthew 15:8).

Carry On!

05/21/2026

Everytime you swallow your discomfort to keep the peace with toxic behavior, you are actively devaluing your value. Stop sacrificing your value on the altar of their toxic choices.

I don’t know who I’m talking to but you need to know that there’s a difference between worldly value and anointed value. Worldly value is subject to the scripture of self, selfishness, personal gain and shallowness. Anointed value is the expression of the attributes of God…self-giving, faithfulness, unwavering presence, goodness and mercy. Anointed value cannot be confused with worldly value…and isn’t confused, except by worldly people. Let me unpack that for somebody…

There are people who cannot and will not see, understand or value anointed value. Judas didn’t value anointed love. That man traded Jesus’ love and anointed value for 30 pieces of silver. You must understand that anointed value will never be valuable enough or good enough to the wrong people. Why? Because the individual who is rejecting your anointed value isn’t simply rejecting you, they’re rejecting God. Ok, let’s go a little deeper…

Anointed value is God expressed through you: “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them” (1 John 4:16). The Bible tells us: “You are not your own; you were bought at a price…” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Your anointed value is not your own. Reread that. That is why God calls your anointed value Holy and Sacred…that is why God commanded us to not give our value to folks who cannot understand our value: “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to swine. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” (Matthew 7:6). Understand this…In the Bible, "dogs" and "swine" (pigs) are metaphors for spiritually unreceptive people or those who reject and mock what is sacred. Your anointed value will never be valued by someone who is spiritually unreceptive or someone who mocks what is sacred…reread that.

I’m talking to somebody whose anointed value is not appreciated, respected and treasured. I’m talking to somebody who didn’t understand how their anointed value could be mistaken for trash or treated like garbage. I’m talking to some folks who couldn’t understand how their anointed value could be taken for granted, or betrayed for 30 pieces of silver. Trust this… anointed value, life giving value, life sustaining value, the value you give when you love, cannot be received by the spiritually unreceptive people. Don’t hesitate to recognize folks who treat a diamond like glass…you’re in the wrong hands. That is why God told us to not be unevenly yoked.

When you walk in anointed value you have to speak in anointed clarity to people who reject, trample on and mock your anointed value. You have three anointed ways to deal with dogs and swine:

— The Firm Boundary (Best for stopping a specific demand): "Assistance with this is no longer possible. Limits have been reached, and the decision is final. Further debate on this topic is not welcome, so please do not ask me again to discount my value."

— The Direct Pushback (Best for addressing guilt trips or blame): "Responsibility for fixing this situation does not fall here, and feelings of guilt for saying no to you trampling on my value will not be entertained. If the blaming continues, this conversation will end immediately."

— The Complete Cut-Off (Best for ending the relationship entirely): "This relationship is no longer healthy, and a complete step away is necessary for my value. Do not attempt contact via phone, message, or other means. The number is being blocked to ensure this boundary is respected."

By actively speaking these boundaries, you honor God’s commandment: "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:3). Don’t beg, barter or bargain with anybody to appreciate your anointed value, beg yourself to walk away from anybody who doesn’t (2 Timothy 3:1-5). When you walk in your anointed value, you have to be prepared to walk away from people who are spiritually unreceptive and, people who reject and mock what is sacred. Without hesitation. You are in the wrong hands.

Carry On!

05/20/2026

It’s not how they act when you’re doing what they want you to do—it’s how they react when you refuse to play their toxic games that shows you their true colors.

Watch folks who lose their minds the minute you set a boundary. They don't care about your well-being or respect. They only care about control. When you stop saying yes to what is wrong, their masks slip and their real intentions come to the surface.

The second you stand your ground and refuse to break, their fragile ego shatters. Pay close attention to that meltdown—it is the truest reflection of who they are. You will know them by their fruit…

05/20/2026

Love demands basic human decency. Disrespect, cruelty, and emotional abuse are completely incompatible with genuine love. Compromise or indifference normalizes insult and injury, and eventually becomes your baseline expectation for basic human decency.

Trust this…the Bible does not refer to relationships, any, without the condition of basic human decency. If God won’t allow it in relationship with Him, our boundaries shouldn’t allow it in relationships with us: “The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them” (Romans 1:18-19).

Listen, “Make it plain to them.” Basic human decency will only be a problem for those who want to use your grace to manipulate, exploit, or trample over your personal boundaries, weaponizing your endless tolerance to enable their own toxic behavior.

Stop letting your basic decency turn you into a doormat for someone else’s toxic garbage. The second you start exhausting your own life to shield them from the consequences of their behavior, you aren’t being kind—you are enabling a parasitic parasite who feeds on your guilt and completely destroys your boundaries. Cut the excuses, stop walking on eggshells around their fragile temper tantrums, and slam the door on anyone who weaponizes your grace to drag you down into their self-made chaos. You’re not holding a grudge, you’re standing on the same boundary that Jesus did (Matthew 12:46-50). You’re not being mean or difficult, you’re being obedient to God’s word (Matthew 7:6, 2 Timothy 3:1-5).

If basic human decency is a problem, Jesus said turn over the tables, not turn over your value.

Carry On!

05/19/2026

Your pain was never meant to be the end of your story.

The enemy wanted you to heal in secret, recover in silence, and keep the oil from your crushing in the box. But the Holy Spirit has been grieved because you have the testimony, the scars and the compassion to help set the captives free. The enemy will try to make you doubt your worthiness, question your ability and make you run from your calling like Jonah did.

I don’t know who I’m talking to but there are a few of you who know it’s time. You know you are called to be the light for the lost and the hurting who are still trapped in that exact same darkness you were in, praying for the lifeline you once desperately wished you had.

For the few who know they’ve put God off long enough, they’ve waited long enough to step out of shadows and give God the glory for story, now is your time. Now is the time to learn how you can use your journey to save lives. You don’t need to have it all together, you don’t have to have previous experience, you have to have scars, faith, compassion and a passion to be used by God.

If you are tired of burying your gift and talent, running from your calling, and making excuses not to step into your purpose to be a powerful guide for trauma survivors, narcissistic abuse survivors, and the hurting as an expert trained and supported coach, take the step today to join me for the last Coach Training Program for 2026.

Follow the link in my bio to my website or follow the link in the comments to find out how you can make today the last day that you tell God no to the training you need, the lifetime support you need, to give God the glory for your story as a transformation coach, and build a highly rewarding and life-changing coaching practice.

05/18/2026

This week is going to be different…the enemy will mess up your thinking, drown out God’s voice and keep you paralyzed with your tongue. I don’t know who I’m talking to but you need to know that they key to your breakthrough is in your mouth: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21).

I’m talking to somebody who has been praying one way and talking another way. Hoping one way but talking the opposite way. Believing one way and telling God about the enemy instead of telling the enemy about God.

Ok, I’m not saying that this faith walk is a cake walk. I know how hard it can be to keep our mouth on team Jesus. When plains don’t go right, doors get closed, people flip out, and being stuck starts to feel like a a permanent location. But here is the truth, your tongue regulates your mind, and your mind regulates your body. When your mind and body are in agreement with the Holy Spirit, you can lead from the soul.

Sometimes, before a breakthrough, before that open door, before God can direct our footsteps, before God can reveal His will, we have to wash out our mouth with the truth. I mean good.

This week, I want you to consider this mouth challenge, and apply as often as necessary, to shift the atmosphere and renew your mind for your battle:

— Practice the "Before You Speak" Filter: Evaluate your words before they leave your mouth to ensure they build people up.The Scripture: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." — Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

— Audit and Replace Negative Self-Talk: Intercept defeatist statements and replace them with truth about who God says you are.The Scripture: "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." — 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)

— Actively Choose Gratitude Over Complaining or doubting: Shift your environment by choosing thanksgiving instead of focusing on negative or momentary circumstances. The Scripture: "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." — 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV)

— Guard Your Mouth to Avoid Calamity: Choose the discipline of silence over reckless speech to protect your life and relationships from unnecessary disaster.The Scripture: "Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity." — Proverbs 21:23 (NIV)

Now, do this for the rest of this week. If you fall down, don’t stay there…get back up again. If you forget, recover and start again. If you be as consistent with your tongue as the enemy will be with his attacks, you will finish the week with fresh perspective, new insight, clear vision and bold determination.

Try it, and tell me how it worked for you.