Penny’s Christian Musings

Penny’s Christian Musings The Lord laid it on my heart to start a personal blog on my relationship with Him. I am not a scholar by any means.

Everything I share will be coming straight from my heart!!

11/10/2021

After my mama passed away and we got through the visitation and the funeral, I felt like I was in a bad dream and that when I woke up, she would still be here. That wasn’t the case though. I was working at the daycare then and they told me to take all the time I needed to grieve. I took two weeks off and just went through the motions of trying to pick up the pieces and move on. I was so heartbroken. How was I gonna live without my mama? I slowly learned how to live again with God’s help. He gave me the strength and Grace to move on. I had Tommy & Brandon and I know they needed me and I needed them. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and wish for one more day. I just have to wait until we’re together again in Heaven one day. More to come.

01/08/2021

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything, but this one is so hard for me. Mama was diagnosed in 2007 with Mylodysplasia and her Dr. said 2 years maximum. Mama also had high blood pressure and her kidneys were affected because of uncontrolled blood pressure. We made the most of the two years, but I wish I had done more for my mama. I was working long days at the daycare and was just zapped when I got home. That is no excuse though. I should have done more. We took mama to the beach in August of ‘09 and she enjoyed it, but she told me something wasn’t right. I knew it wouldn’t be long...I just knew it in my heart. We rented a golf cart and drove Mama all around Oak Island and the last night we rode her to the beach and walked out on the beach with her. I remember holding her hand as we walked. I’ll never forget it as long as I live! The next morning we left to come home and Mama was weak and nauseated. We stopped at Hardee’s to eat and she barely ate anything. We got home and Mama, Gloria and Peggy left to go to their homes, and little did I know that would be the last time I saw Mama alive. I talked to her every day though, but that Thursday night, something told me to call again. She had already laid down but she was still awake. She had a Dr. appt. the next morning and she told me she felt a little better and she had ate a fairly good supper. She loved Wendys chili and she had ate a whole container. I told her I loved her and would talk to her tomorrow. Tomorrow came, but she passed away during the night. I was at work when my sister called me. Right then, my world fell apart. I didn’t know how to live without my mama.
More to come.

10/26/2020

In 2006 our Brandon graduated from high school and it was so bittersweet. I cried because I knew my baby boy was an adult now. He continued working and started taking classes at South Piedmont. He was a homebody and didn’t want to go far away(I was glad)!! Then in 2007, we got some devastating news about Mama. Her blood count had been low for quite some time, so they did tests to determine what was going on. My sisters & I went with her that day to find out, and Dr. Brouse told her she had Mylodisplasia which is pre-leukemia. I cried my heart out. The thought of losing my mama was almost too hard to bear. He told us that two years is usually the limit with that disease. We left that day with broken hearts, but we knew we had to pray and make the most of the time we had left with her. She was 72 when we found out. Mama had a good outlook so we had to suck it up and be strong for her.
Stay tuned.

10/12/2020

Time passed and then at one of my appointments with Dr. Jewel, he discovered that I had some fibroid tumors. I knew I had been feeling bloated and my monthly cycle had been heavier and just felt unwell. So in October of 2003, I underwent a complete hysterectomy. I was scared, but I got through it with a lot of prayer and God’s grace. I remember the morning of my surgery, Preacher Arnold came and prayed with me and I believe he stayed until it was over. My mama didn’t get there before my surgery, but she was there when I woke up. I was in severe pain, and I wanted my mama. I was 40 then, but my mama always made me feel better. Of course, I was a mama’s girl anyway. Tommy & Brandon were there with me also. It was a trying time, but I got through it. I worked at Happy Days then so I was out of work for six weeks to recuperate. My family was a big help to me and for that I am thankful. My Lord has gotten me through every rough patch I’ve been in so far, and I know HE will continue as long as I am on this side of eternity.
More to come.

10/06/2020

Time went on and I had to go back to Duke every month to get an immunotherapy vaccine. I think about a year and a half later, I was considered cancer free and did not have to return. I was so grateful I didn’t have to take chemo or radiation. The vaccines made me tired, but nothing like it would have been with chemo. I was truly blessed by God!!
The next year, March of 1997, my brother committed su***de. That was one more shocking blow. He was having marital problems and dealing with depression which led him to that decision. He had been to see me the Saturday before and I think in his own way, he was telling me goodbye. I never dreamed this would happen. We were all devastated, mad, sad and just couldn’t understand why. As time passed, we got a better understanding of why. He had demons from his past and never got over them plus marital problems was more than he could endure. He was saved so I know I’ll see him again. Su***de doesn’t send you to hell. It’s not believing in our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. He looked so happy in death...he was rid of all of the earthly trials and heartaches he had endured in his short 44 years on earth.
More to come.

10/03/2020

I was out the whole next week from work after my surgery. I stayed by the phone because I wanted to know if they had gotten all of the melanoma or if it had spread. Finally, on Friday the nurse from Duke called me to give me the results. She said, “Mrs. Godwin we have your results and all of the margins are free.” I was overjoyed and so thankful to my Lord for allowing the Dr. to get it all. I cried and just kept thanking my Lord for His mercy on me! I immediately called my mama and let her know, because she had been so worried about me. Tommy & Brandon were overjoyed as well. It was purely a miracle from God because Melanoma is a silent killer. After that, my life changed and I just wanted to be the best that I could be! I was just so grateful for another chance at life. It’s been 24 years and I’m still here. I guess God isn’t through with me yet.
Stay tuned.

10/01/2020

The Melanoma was detected in August of 1996 and Dr. Jewel immediately got me scheduled to go to Duke. Tommy had to take me a couple of times before the surgery to meet the doctor and get things assessed beforehand. They also started with the immunotherapy vaccine to help ward off any more cancer cells. Time passed and I believe my surgery was in October. The hardest thing was leaving Brandon behind. He was eight and in school, so Randy & Cindy Pope kept him for me. I cried so hard when I had to leave him...I never had before. My mama & Tommy’s mama went with us. I was so glad they could. We spent one or two nights there before my surgery. The day of the surgery came, and I was semi awake. They numbed my whole right leg from the upper thigh down. I didn’t feel a thing. After it was over, I was groggy but could go home. They said they would call with results in a week. I was so happy to get back home to Brandon. I missed him so much!! My leg was sore and I had some pain but it was manageable. I sure did some praying and crying to God before I got the results. I wanted to live to see my baby grown and doing well in life.
Stay tuned.

09/29/2020

I started working at Happy Days in 1993 and that same year, I started feeling nauseous all the time and was losing weight. I reached out to Dr. Jewel and the ultrasound showed I had a Dermoid tumor on my right o***y. It was growing, so Dr. Jewel removed it that fall of ‘93. I was out of work for 3 weeks and went back. Dr. Jewel said I may or may not be able to have another baby, and we didn’t. I thanked God we had Brandon. The Lord always knows best. The years passed and in 1996, I noticed a place on my right upper thigh. It was red and itched terribly. I again reached out to Dr. Jewel and he took the top of it off. Underneath was just a black looking mass. I had googled the symptoms of Melanoma and when the results came back it was stage 4 Melanoma. It scared me to death! All I could think about was dying and leaving my family behind. I was only 33...the same age Jesus was when he was crucified. I cried and prayed to my Father in Heaven to please heal me so I could live to see my son grown and doing well in life. Dr. Jewel was an angel. When I went back to see him about what they would do I started crying and he came and just hugged me. He told me he got me in at Duke and they would do the surgery there because they were the best!
More to come tomorrow.

09/28/2020

I stayed home until March of 1990 and then I went to work at Jones in Marshville(where Dollar General is now). Mama continued keeping Brandon for me thank the Lord! I worked with some fine ladies at Jones. I worked nights and weekends and I felt like I missed out spending time with Brandon, but I knew he was in the best hands with my mama. I worked at Jones until 1993. I wanted to find a day job and no weekends! That’s when I reached out to Nancy Deason at Happy Days Daycare. I filled out an application and was hired really soon. Being in daycare, I figured Brandon could just go with me. Big mistake!! He hated it! He was five by this time and would be starting kindergarten soon, and I wanted him to meet some of the kids he would be going to school with. Instead of making him go and be miserable, he stayed with Tommy’s parents some then. They looked after him and spoiled him too! I was blessed to have had Mama and my in-laws to help me!
More tomorrow.

09/28/2020

Time passed and I left BC Moore to go to work at Western Auto. Jerry Haney called me and asked me if I would be interested, and I told him yes! I had worked for three years at Moore’s and I was so tired of that job! Men could move up the ladder, but women couldn’t. I liked my job at Western Auto. I worked with all men except one lady that was on the Radio Shack side...Ms. Shirley Burnett. She and I got along so good! Ms. Shirley passed away a few years ago. I am thankful for the memories I have of her. I worked at Western Auto until they closed in 1990. I got to stay home with my baby for a couple of months until I found another job. Brandon was 2 at this time. We kept taking him to church and he learned so much! He has always been so smart! One Sunday he cut up at church and would not be quiet! Tommy took him out and spanked him and he never acted out again in church. It only took one time & he learned that you are to behave in church!!
Stay tuned!!

09/26/2020

I settled into motherhood and Tommy into fatherhood fairly well. I had been raised by a strong woman who didn’t spare the rod, and Tommy’s parents were the same! I went back to work at BC Moore when Brandon was six weeks old. My mama kept him for me and what a blessing she was. I knew he was in the best hands ever! We dedicated Brandon to the Lord as a baby and we did our best to raise him in church. Brandon grew up under Preacher Arnold and back then we didn’t have much for kids. I wish that we had had more! Preacher Arnold did teach Brandon & Brett Gulledge how to paint on canvas like the man that was on tv. I can’t think of his name! Those two enjoyed that! We did have VBS every year for the kids. I loved the crafts Brandon would bring home! Of course, our lives weren’t perfect and we made mistakes as parents, but God allowed us to raise a good son. I hear horror stories of what some kids put their parents through, but we were very blessed with Brandon! He got spankings growing up, and it hurt me worse than him, but he had to learn. I was more of the disciplinarian...Tommy was too humble! 😂
Stay tuned!!

09/25/2020

The years passed and I left Julie’s to go to work at BC Moore’s since it was closer to home. We continued going to Mt. Carmel after Preston Burris resigned, and our new pastor was Arnold Jackson. His sweet wife Mrs. Janice was a Godly lady and still is. Preacher Arnold stayed with us for 18 years. I remember he sang some beautiful songs and he preached God’s word. I started wanting a baby around 1986 and we finally were blessed by God. I found out I was pregnant in April 1987 and I took 3 pregnancy tests to make sure!! I was so happy!! I wanted a little boy named Brandon, and that’s exactly what God blessed us with! Several of us were pregnant at the same time at church! Babies were being born right & left! Our bundle of joy was born on January 2, 1988 and I just cried when I saw him! He was a true blessing from God! I understood the saying then that the only love that is close to God’s love is a mother’s love for her children! I was in awe of this perfect little baby that God had allowed for us to be his parents!! Our lives changed, but I loved this baby more than life itself and I still do today! Brandon is 32 now, but he will ALWAYS be my baby!!
More to come tomorrow.

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