06/30/2018
MY DISTORTED ALTERNATE REALITY
Thinking about how my view of reality and of history and of the world around me has been so skewed all my life.
The last 2 women I've dated this past year told me some interesting things about myself.
The one girl was an Episcopalian.
We would get into these philosophical and theological debates. She was very liberal, very far left, very feminist and all that but deeply into her Episcopalian religion.
We broke up because one day I called her an atheists in denial or a closet atheist or something like that because the things she would say would clearly show she didn't believe in a literal God.
She was very traumatized and hurt because she said that I made her question her faith and that she NEEDED to believe.
Mind you I never told her to stop believing and never tried to convince her otherwise but I would just explain why I felt the way I did about certain things as an agnostic.
Well one day we got into a debate on the scriptures and I could not understand how could someone who was so pro gay and LGBTQ rights could be at the same time very Christian, when clearly The Bible condemns homosexuality in both in the Old Testament and the New Testament.
She basically said that Episcopalians just cherry pick and choose and believe only the things that they deem as useful. She pretty much disregarded the writings of the apostle Paul.
Anyways we got in to like world history and stuff and here's the point of me posting this, she had mentioned how impressed she was with my knowledge of history and my grasp of politics and world religions and I told her it was due to my years growing up in the cult.
As the argument got heated one night she told me that I had a PHD in bu****it LOL!
The 2nd girl I dated over the past 8 months Took me to a World War 1 exhibit with artifacts of service men from the Ozarks here in Missouri who served and died in that war.
So many of what I was seeing was triggering me because I felt like I was looking at the publications like Revelation book and Daniel book and she could not understand why I was so triggered so I started trying to explain all the events and the significance of what happened in the war as perceived by Jehovah's Witnesses and she looked at me with this "deer in the headlights" amazement and basically was kind of letting me realize that I had been living my life in some sort of alternate reality.
I'm just thinking here about how I saw this one girl in a interview say how when you're a Jehovah's witness growing up you think world events and world history all centered around watchtower organization and the persecution and the attention that's being brought upon ourselves because we are God's chosen people yadda yadda yadda.
But when you go to college and when you start waking up you realize that all these pivotal world events aren't really So pivotal.
The things that are actually important that mattered that affected humanity are what is pivotal, not some stupid letters that Rutherford wrote to Hi**er, or meaningless assemblies at Cedat Point Ohio or the Polo Grounds in New York bsck i the 50's or some hysterical rantings of Charles Taze Russell saying that the "Gentile times had ended".
Anyways I've kind of gotten more engaged in the group and kindaa back in the EXJW community because I realize that people out there in the world just don't get us or just don't understand the trauma we've been through and really many times can not be supportive.
That's why I still feel like ideally at some point as I continue to heal and recover and get more stable that I do find someone who has a JW past to partner eith that can truly get me.
