03/25/2024
😭Nowadays, many couples always have complaints about each other—this has become a common problem in society. Then how can we resolve the marital conflict? The following three points will help you improve your relationship with your spouse.
First, Understand the Fact of Our Corruption by Satan
God’s words say, “In truth, out of the myriad things in God’s creation, man is the lowest. Though he is the master of all things, man is the only one among them that is subject to Satan’s trickery, the only one that falls prey in endless ways to its corruption. Man has never had sovereignty over himself. Most people live in the foul place of Satan and suffer its derision; it teases them this way and that until they are only half alive, enduring every vicissitude, every hardship in the human world. After toying with them, Satan puts an end to their destiny.”
There is a passage in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life, which says, “No matter what the circumstances are, people are all selfish and mean. No matter whether they are rich or poor, well-educated or illiterate, they are all the same. Man is selfish, mean and insatiably greedy by essential nature. Why is there no real friendship between people? Why is man’s lifelong search for a confidant so very difficult? Because corrupt mankind is arrogant, conceited, selfish and mean by essential nature, and they are all for themselves by virtue of Satan’s philosophy, ‘Heaven destroys those who are not for themselves.’ As people all act in their own interests, how can they be another person’s intimate person? That is impossible.”
From God’s words and the sermon, we can know that it’s because we have been corrupted by Satan and are living by Satan’s principles for survival that we cannot get along well with others. Regardless of whether we are rich or poor, and regardless of whether we are possessed of knowledge or poorly educated, we all have accepted satanic philosophies and perspectives such as “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost” and “Self-serving,” and thus we become incredibly arrogant and self-conceited, selfish and contemptible. We always put our own interests first and consider only our own profit and loss in everything, showing no respect, love, and tolerance for others. Instead, we always fix our eyes on others, and think that it’s a problem with them, which causes us to have constant quarrels with others and have deeper complaints about them, unable to get along well with them. Therefore, even though we used to be loving with our partner, when our partner impinges on our personal interests, or disagrees with our own opinions, we will quarrel and lose temper with our partner, with neither side giving an inch but both living in pain. That is why the divorce rate keeps rising. This is the result of man being corrupted by Satan.
Therefore, when we see clearly the factual truth of our corruption at the hands of Satan, we will be able to treat our partner properly. We have all been corrupted by Satan, and none are better than others. When our partner does things that we do not like, we should learn to reflect on ourselves and examine ourselves. Then there will be fewer quarrels in our marriage.
Second, Treat Your Partner as Your Intimate Friend and Speak What Is in Your Heart
God says, “For example, while living together for several years, a husband and wife try to get used to each other, occasionally locking horns. However, if you are both of normal humanity, you will always speak to him from the heart, and he to you. Whatever difficulties you encounter in life, whatever problems occur in your work, whatever you are thinking deep down, however you plan to sort things out, whatever ideas and plans you might have for your children—you will tell your partner everything. As such, will the two of you not feel especially close and intimate with each other? If he never tells you his innermost thoughts, and does nothing but bring home a paycheck, and if you never speak to him of your own thoughts and never confide in him, then is there not an emotional distance between the two of you? There surely is, for you do not understand each other’s thoughts or intentions. Ultimately, you cannot tell what kind of person your partner is, nor can he tell what kind of person you are; you do not understand his needs, nor does he understand yours. If people have no verbal or spiritual communication, then there is no possibility of intimacy between them, and they cannot provide for each other or help one another. You have experienced this before, have you not? If your friend confides everything to you, giving voice to all that he is thinking and whatever suffering or happiness he harbors, then do you not feel particularly intimate with him? The reason he is willing to tell you these things is that you have confided your innermost thoughts to him as well; you are especially close, and it is because of this that you are able to get along and help each other out.”
We can learn that communication between a wife and husband is very important. If we can treat our partner as our intimate friend and confide our innermost thoughts to our partner, then we will feel particularly intimate with each other. However, many people think that they live together with their partner day and night, and can understand each other just through eye contact or gesture, so they don’t want to talk much with their partner, and ignore the sincere communication between a husband and a wife. Some couples may get along with each other harmoniously on the surface, without any large conflicts. However, they rarely open up to point out each other’s faults or tell each other their own ideas on certain matters, so they don’t know each other’s thoughts. As time passes, trust will become less and less while disagreement and suspicions increase between them. For example: Seeing a picture sent by one of the opposite s*x on the phone of their partner, they suspect that their partner has an affair; when their partner says something that is not to their liking, they think that their partner is targeting them and feel uncomfortable, which also brings pain to their partner and directly affects their relationship. There are many examples like this.
Therefore, a husband and a wife must always speak to each other from the heart so that they can achieve intimacy and closeness and get along with each other in harmony. Whatever problems occur in our marriage, whatever ideas we might have for our children, whatever happy or unhappy things and whatever difficulties we encounter in life—we should open our heart and tell our partner everything. We can treat our partner as our close friend, tell them what is in our heart, and discuss things with them to resolve difficulties together. Practicing this way can not only reduce the pressure of life, but also help us resolve conflicts and misunderstandings in a timely manner, and increase mutual trust and understanding.
Third, Put Yourself in Your Partner’s Shoes
As Christians, we must have the decorum of saints and shouldn’t always find fault with others and ask others to do things according to our own will; rather, we should have love for others, take others into consideration more, and treat their strengths and weaknesses properly according to God’s words. Indeed, if we can consider things from others’ perspectives and show consideration for others’ difficulties, we will not blindly accuse others of not understanding ourselves. For example, we often have conflicts with our partner on how to share housework. In this matter, we should think from the perspective of each other. The one who goes out for work has to be busy with all kinds of social events and face many unpredictable difficulties at work every day, and thus is physically and mentally exhausted. The one who stays at home is also exhausted by endless trivial things in daily life. When we can understand each other’s situation, we will be considerate of each other and stop complaining. In this way, we can get along with each other with rationality, and even if our partner has done something inappropriately, we can communicate with them calmly, and support and help each other. With less complaints and more understanding, our conflicts with our partner can naturally become less.
Therefore, if we want to improve our relationship with our partner, we should do as God requires. By seeing through the fact of our corruption by Satan, considering each other’s difficulties, and knowing each other, we will be able to live in harmony with our partner.
