11/03/2025
Well, safe to say that I started this reading stretch way out over my skis…WAY OVER MY SKIS. In fact, what the heck? How many people her knew that I was doing this, knew how crazy this first lineup was, and decided to let me battle through it?! The Gospel of John, The Brothers Karamazov, and Meditations by Marcus Aurelius aren’t just dense—they’re some of the most demanding things I’ve read. All of them are translated…numerous times, and the translators all disagree on what the words said, intent was, and whatnot. In terms of messaging, I felt like all of them were essentially my dad driving a boat that I just fell off my skis behind and he runs past me, just a bit faster than I can swim…especially with the skis on and all…and just makes me swim it out to catch up to the rope until the end of the experience. I’m exhausted.
The Gospel of John
John doesn’t just tell us a bunch of stories, but more so lays out the journey Christ takes to save us, and drives home Christ’s final message - to love one another as Christ loves us. Jesus isn’t just a teacher—He’s the Logos, the Word, and was foretold by the Old Testament prophets. I saw something the other day in passing, which expresses the likelihood that Christ would be born to a Virgin in the location he was born, for a discipleship and preach where he did, take the actions and perform the miracles that were foretold, etc. The odds are staggering and that was only accounting for a portion of the performed miracles. Speaking of miracles, John is unique from the other gospels (the synoptics - Matthew, Mark, and Luke) in that he doesn’t overburden us with miracles…and he actually refers to them as “signs.” The Greek word for this is sēmeia, meaning something that points beyond itself to convey a deeper meaning or truth. There are seven signs evidenced by John the Apostle (the one of the 12 + the one who replaced Judas after his su***de that was jot persecuted, and thus was able to write his testimony later in life) plus the crucifixion/passion.
John also massively emphasizes that the crucifixion isn’t a failure—it is the plan. John 12:24 is the hinge: “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” In fact, Christ tells Judas that he knows he will betray him and that he has to. Death isn’t the end. It’s the mechanism towards engaging the Holy Spirit and towards making salvation and eternal life for mankind possible. That’s the system. And it doesn’t blink.
The Brothers Karamazov
At its core, The Brothers Karamazov is sort of a conflict story between three (maybe four?) brothers, who are each wildly unique, and one father (who seems extremely awful, in defense of the brothers). But really, it’s a war between three worldviews and one broken system. Fyodor, the father, is depraved—drunk, manipulative, and spiritually bankrupt. His sons are the response:
• Dmitri is raw, impulsive, and ruled by appetite.
• Ivan is smart, but tortured and morally confused or at least searching.
• Alyosha is faithful - he is gentle, grounded, and quietly resilient. But, he also hints at his leanings towards the less faithful activities or yearnings of his brothers.
• Smerdyakov may or may not be a brother - I never fully figured this out. But, he is basically the villain or Satanic figure in the book. He idolizes Ivan for his brilliance, but then weaponizes Ivan’s words into killing their (maybe his?) father and then pins it on Dmitri. He also is the antagonist that takes actions throwing a young boy into a deep depression that, when combined with physical illness, ultimately kills him. He is responsible for all the worst parts, and he escapes any worldly consequences by committing su***de.
There was a lot of character development, but once Dmitri visits Fyodor, bashes Grigory’s head during his escape, parties it up with the Poles and is accepted by his dream girl, it all takes a quick turn. When we find out that Fyodor (father Karamazov) is murdered, the novel becomes a courtroom drama and in some senses a philosophical debate/reckoning. Dmitri seem to accept his fate while also wanting the ones he loves to know that he was not responsible for it. Ivan completely spirals - which is foreshadowed by the poems/dreams/debates over religion he had during the early part of the book…ultimately, his toils take their toll. Meanwhile, Alyosha listens a lot and speaks little. It seems that he is doing all he can to keep his family from falling apart while being honest with himself and honoring his faith.
Ironically, I think the most interesting string of events in this book was between a speech by Ivan to Alyosha (in what I think of as the character development portion of the book) and then Alyosha standing alongside a family whose young son dies (who was especially upset by Dmitri disrespecting his father, fell into the evil trick Smerdyakov played on him and the poor dog, and then damn near bit off Alyosha’s finger in repayment). The quote from earlier in the book (during Ivan’s speech to Alyosha) is pretty interesting when you know Alyosha later is so tied into this young boy’s death and funeral. The following quotation is from Ivan’s discussion of insane sufferings being imposed upon children:
“I don’t want harmony. From love for humanity I don’t want it. I would rather be left with the unavenged suffering. I would rather remain with my unavenged suffering and unsatisfied indignation, even if I were wrong. Besides, too high a price is asked for harmony; it’s beyond our means to pay so much to enter on it. And so I hasten to give back my entrance ticket, and if I am an honest man I am bound to give it back as soon as possible. And that I am doing. It’s not God that I don’t accept, Alyosha, only I most respectfully return him the ticket.”
Whew. Tough read and devastating story.
Meditations
Not going to lie - I did not enjoy reading this at all and am reaching on everything here. At some point, I had to look into who Marcus Aurelius was and why I should care - I was so bored. I found out he was a Roman emperor for about 20 years (161-180) and was a stoic - stoicism focuses on controlling emotions, accepting what you cannot control, and living through reason and by virtue. Meditations are his journals while governing/leading and apparently were never meant for publication - I sort of understand why.
It is interesting in some ways, especially his focus on our time on Earth being small in the grand scheme, and that there need to be social norms that control human behavior. All we have is nature, decay, and discipline. “You are a little soul carrying around a corpse.” He’s not offering comfort or resolution—he’s offering a framework to endure. There’s no redemption, just refusal to be ruled by chaos. And in a moment where the world feels increasingly chaotic, that kind of clarity has its appeal.
Compare and Contrast. As Best I Can?
John gives you a pathway to heaven. Ivan gives you a moral firewall by his challenges of the church’s teachings. Marcus gives you a survival kit for your short time on Earth. I suppose that the complementary message here is that each one of these is missing something the others supply - John has no focus on humanity for his focus on the afterlife, Ivan is focused on enjoying the humanity by dismissing the afterlife, and Aurelius is focused on how you control the humanity in a disciplined way so you can survive the humanity.
The Biblical Stuff
I wrote something the other day about cognitive dissonance, and deleted it because the video I included was antagonistic in a way I didn’t want to be. Besides, once I kept reading these stories I realized that cognitive dissonance was the message here!
I’m Catholic, I go to Catholic mass and have gone to all sorts of other Christian (and other, but far less) religious ceremonies. Look, we all screw up. Jesus told us that. And those sins are the reason Christ died for our forgiveness. Rather that everyone overlooking the ways in which we violate the moral laws, let’s be honest - sit down and say a prayer and ask for forgiveness; help others pray if they ask for or need your help. But, stop pretending we are all perfect…because we are ALL IMPERFECT!
In John, we see Christ perform a number of miracles. The Jews there were doubting whether Christ was the Messiah and needed to see proof. They saw it - water into wine, Lazarus raising, Christ’s resurrection - and then had to figure out what they believed and why. Many during that time flat ignored the pieces that challenged their world view and thus rejected it. Crazy to think about cognitive dissonance during the lifetime and space of Christ, but that was the walk he foretold.
In Brothers Karamazov we see very clear cognitive dissonance in Ivan, who seems to fade into a brutal death largely because he cannot settle his mind. He tells his monk brother, Alyosha, that he believes in God, but that he cannot believe there is a God where atrocities happen to children.
I’ll stop here and take an aside. I’ve spent a lot of time on this and no answer satisfies me. I have talked to priests & monks, read a popular book written by a rabbi, and cannot come to grips with this either. This is my weakness as a Christian - I do not understand how God’s plan for good people involves suffering. This is my achilles. In some ways, Ivan’s character resonated with me. I don’t know, and I don’t think it’s my role to know.
There is also some degree of cognitive dissonance in Meditations. Specifically, Marcus Aurelius is literally the emperor of Rome…yet he accepts the atrocities happening within that society. He is sad about the death, the war, the suffering but he writes about it and ignores his platform to resolve it. He enjoys the benefit of sitting atop the throne, but writes about his alleged concern about all of the things he is in a unique position to address - think/say/believe one thing, do another…cognitive dissonance.
Looking at you Pope Francis. Looking at you Obama. And with that we will move to politics.
The Political Stuff
Ivan’s protest is my rallying call: if a system demands children suffering, the answer is no. I believe that we should rededicate nearly all adult social welfare programs with programs to support children - before, during, after school meals, care, etc. If you want to build a better society, give the next generation a chance and stop supporting the lazy adults in the current generation.
To me, the single biggest mission Christ compels us to, according to John, is to love one another. The word “love” appears 57 times in John! So, the message is to love. However, love does not always mean to give. Sometimes it is to coach. Sometimes it is to motivate. Jesus was a man of action, he did not build his discipleship by sitting around, he built it by using the gifts his Father bestowed on him. We should all do the same. Oh, and the word “believe” appears 98 times in John…so if you think love is enough, stop and take a moment to believe. 🙂
Aurelius offers another tough message—discipline over outrage. In a media cycle engineered to provoke, distort, and exhaust, that discipline is no small ask. The pressure to react, to posture, to perform is constant. But Stoicism doesn’t flinch. It demands clarity when the world rewards chaos. It insists on restraint when the algorithm rewards rage. Above all, it calls for honesty, diligence, and dignity—not as slogans, but as daily practice. That kind of discipline isn’t passive—it’s active resistance against erosion. And in a culture built to bait collapse, it’s the only way to hold the line.
Whew!!!
Hope you enjoyed and would love any feedback!
