10/10/2022
Samantha Frazier this is her testimony
Thank you for sharing this.
4 years ago I showed up to my grandparents house strung out on m**h with my dog and what fit in my car. I got a place of my own, started doing good. I was clean for 8 months then I slipped up, that lasted a few months. The people who knew me before drugs stopped talking to me at this time in my life, except for a few. I tried again, slipped up, tried again, slipped up, tried again then got shot by my ex two months later. I was hurting, I didn't feel like I should have survived, I didn't feel worthy at all, I hated life, I hated myself. But I continued to try. I had a good job, some good friends. I finally hit a year clean. At this point it had been 10 months since I had been shot but a court date was set. Court sucked standing in front of the man who tried to kill me, having to relive that night. His lawyer kept twisting my words and being questioned made me feel like I did som**hing wrong, made me feel like I deserved it, it was my fault and wishing I would have just died. I had to go through all of these emotions again. But hearing his sentence of only 15 years was the worst. I slipped up again. Slipping up, messing up, breaking the streak or whatever you want to call it is a very hard, easy thing to do. You think you have the will power but you don't then you just beat yourself up about it and that makes it worse so then you continue to make poor choices trying to make yourself feel better. And each time you mess up, you give up on yourself a little more each time. New years day 2020 was the very last time I gave in. I'm scared to say I'm clean. I'm scared to announce my struggle because I don't want to let myself or the ones I love down again. Slipping up is always going to be a fear of mine. But giving up is not an option. Every day I will try to stay clean. I will remove myself from situations. If you can't handle that then you're not strong enough for this battle because God gave me a battle most couldn't face but here I am facing it everyday. Post from Samantha Frazier
