09/16/2023
Rules for children in the worship service:
One. If you find that you're sitting in front of a child and they can't see, lean to the side.
Two. If the children seated behind you are rustling papers, hand them a crayon.
Three. If there is a baby that is crying, offer to take the baby from their parent and walk to the back of the church and rock the child for a while. The parent really needs a break.
Four. If the teenagers are whispering give them some Smarties. The rustling and crinkling will replace their whispering.
Five. If an adult complains to an usher about the noisy children near them, offer to trade seats with that adult and then apologize to the parents of the children.
Six. When a child is running around giving everyone high-fives during the time of passing the peace/greeting your neighbor make sure to give them an extra fun high-five, and then high-five the next five adults that you see.
Seven. If a child has worn tap shoes to church and is dancing on the wood portion of the floor, slip the sheet music for "The Entertainer" to the pianist and roll with it.
Eight. When the children can't hear because an adult around them won't take off their puffy jacket and it keeps squeaking and distracting the children, offer to help them off with their jacket and go hang it up for them where it goes.
Nine. When the three-year-old insists on standing on the front pew turned backwards looking at the rest of the people, give the child a pair of very dark glasses. That will prevent the child from catching any adult's eye, which would lead to distracting them. This will protect the adults who as we know have very short attention spans and are easily distracted.
Ten. When a child in front of you is very squirmy, and then they finally turn around and you realize suddenly, "Oh, it's Jesus!" take it in stride and play Got Your Nose till he turns around to the front again.
CB Beal
Justice and Peace Consulting
