05/11/2025
Freud and Paul's tug of war
The battle between my body and spirit rages, an intense conflict between two personalities fighting for control, a battle between two selves. The balance between being a Good man and an Intimidating figure is ripping me apart. Sometimes I can't even distinguish which is which. One scares to get what He wants, the other caters to everybody's needs regardless of his own. Keeping the scary one in check is exhausting because I don't want to do something I would ultimately regret and would devour me with guilt, but some people just know where the key to lock is. I don't have any clue, what words to say, what actions to do, what steps to take. I wish there's a Mediator to help me balance my desires and what's actually right. There's got to be something an ego or soul perhaps either way, I hope to find it soon.
