17/12/2019
Uhhmm, tonight I feel a great urge to teach you this huge marriage secret before you walk into your marriage fanning burning flames that you ignorantly started in your dating and courting season.
There is no such thing as "my family will start respecting my spouse when we get married." Nope, that's a big misconception.
The spoon you used in feeding your partner before your family while dating, is the same spoon your family will use to measure their scoops in feeding your spouse when you are married.
You see that miraculous change in 'see-finish' that you are hoping to happen the moment you get married? Zam zam, it will not happen.
Please, learn to package your partner as a priceless gift before your family, and before your friends too.
These things I'm teaching now might not look important to you right now, but in a few years you'll understand why your siblings have the temerity to change the TV channel when your husband is still watching.
When you are before your family;
#1- Speak highly of your partner, even if you have to add salt and light to the story, speak about your partner with maximum respect in the tone of your voice and in your words. Let everyone around start learning how to talk to him or her whether you are there or not.
#2... Before family your partner is always right. This is a golden rule. Never go and start pointing out faults in your partner in front of your parents. I'm hiting on this intentionally because I know how our mothers can be, Mom may like to call you aside to point out one or two things shes noticed with your fiancee or your boo, even when she might be obviously correct DO NOT AGREE in her presence. Try defending your partner right there respectfully. Then go back and work out the points mom highlighted with your partner. Never sit down there in the family meeting to say "It's true ooo, I have noticed it too." That is very childish and immature, even if you have noticed it before still keep kwayet and defend her/him! Make an excuse on your partner's behalf, act like this may just be a one off time your partner is acting that way, never agree to it. You cannot be a witness to your own spouse before your family, the moment you try it you are finished. From that moment you have opened the doors to unpopular opinions in your marriage, because everyone now thinks they have a right to observe your matter. If you like don't listen to me now.
#3- This one is very very very important. And this is about how to treat your inlaws on matters that concerns their son/daughter.
See, your partner is someone they have grown with. Many times they've fought together as kids while growing up and they are used to attacking each other and calling eachother names. That's one. Two, her/his parents are already used to your partner, and whether you like it or not they'll always see your partner as a little child even if they're now grown up and ready for marriage. So, you have a lot of work to do when you come into your partner's life. One of your first and most important task is to start making her/his family see your partner differently now. This starts by the way you address her before them, the way you talk to her in their presence, the way you regard and respect her. They need to see that that little girl is not a little girl anymore. That little sister is not a little sister anymore. Many times, her/his family may not even recognize or celebrate your partner's purpose and calling because they are too familiar with her. Your task is to bring your partner out of that over familiarity shell and put him/her in the light before family. Many people miss this part so much. That moment when the family of your wife doesn't even know that your wife is blessed with the gift of healing because they are used to giving her panadol for her headache from childhood. I hope you are getting this? So when you come, start pointing light towards that direction and illuminate your partner's gifts and calling. Talk about what God is using him/her to do very proudly. Many times her family may still be calling your partner some funny and embarrassing nick names they are fond of calling him/her from childhood, you have to gradually make them see that that name has expired and their sister is walking in a new light of her purpose now. See, most times her family may not treat your partner with respect until you come in and show them how.
I hope you won't wait to understand this message 6months into your marriage. Stay blessed.
