27/01/2022
CHOSEN VESSEL ASSEMBLY, NIGERIA
PRESENT
2022 FIRST WORKERS SEMINAR
ON CONFLICT AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN THE CHURCH
BY
REV’D (ENGR.) ADEWUMI BUSAYO DAVID
INTRODUCTION
Prophet Amos said in Amos3:3 “Can two walk together, except they agreed?” Conflict is a calm or violent clash or disagreement between two or more opposing groups or individuals and where there is no standby or appropriate resolution mechanism it can easily degenerated into: Fight, Death, Destruction, Diseases Hindrances, Calamity or Disasters. It is normal to have conflicts especially where there is gathering of two or more people, “For there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not. Ec 7:20”. Conflict is inevitable as long as man cannot live in isolation, when God created man he later created woman as his companion and hence conflict of interest began between the just two of them this led to sin. Jacob and Esau were born from the same womb but yet conflict of interest emanated from them in such case how we can now prevent conflict within people of different background, culture and environment coming together. We must envisage and prepare for conflict in any gathering even within nuclear family that comprises of only father, mother and their biological children and that is what makes a seminar of this nature relevant for the church growth. However conflict is not a sin but a catalyst of expansion and avenue for new innovations of progress and success in any institutions like marriage and church when it is properly handled otherwise is as dangerous timing bomb that if it’s allowed to explode can cause irreparable damages. At times believers might not be content with the direction or actions of church leaders. This was the case early in the history of the church (Acts 6:1-7). Complaints about the lack of care of a certain group in the church were taken up with the leaders. This was remedied, and the church grew (Acts 6:7). The early church used a conflict to improve the ministry.
CATEGORIES OF THE CHURCH CONFLICTS
There are many areas of a church where conflict can develop. However, most of them tend to fall under one of these categories:
1. Conflict with leadership (Num.12:1-3, 1Sam.30; 1-6),
2. Conflict between leaders (Act.15:35-40, Phil.4:2-3, Matt.16:21-24),
3. Conflict between followers (Ge 13:5-12; 26:20),
4. Conflict between leadership and followership (1Sam.8:1-7, 19-22) and finally
5. Conflict between leaders and followers. (Gal.2:6-13; Act15:1-6).
Admittedly, many issues can cross over and actually involve two or more of these categories. Whatever is the case all conflicts started very small internally within a person and when it is not tamed it is then escalated to outside that involved one or more people and later become a wild fire that imposed a threat on the immediate environs or caused irreparable damage. “From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? 2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. 3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.”( James 4:1-3) .Again “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh. (Lu 6:45 Mt 12:34-35).
CAUSES OF CHURCH CONFLICTS AND RESOLUTIONS
Knowing conflicts exist is half way solved. Simple awareness may help to prevent church conflicts in the early stages. It is best to stop the dispute quickly. “The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it is meddled with. (Pr. 17:14)”. Below, I have listed some critical causes of church conflicts and resolutions respectively. Becoming aware may help our church leaders adjust oexpectations and make strides to prevent or resolve conflict.
1. Pride: People often behave with self-centeredness, ego, and pride. When you feel that life is about you, you take things personally. Self-centeredness causes one to experience hurt feelings easily. James observed, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you?.
James 4:1-7 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members 2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. 3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts 4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. 5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy 6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Resolution: Value others above yourself. Make sure people in your church know that you care about their needs. When you feel that you have allowed pride to influence your relationship negatively, admit your failure. Say, “I apologize. I let pride get in the way.” The Bible says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). People prevent and resolve church conflicts when they implement this teaching.
Rom.12:3, “3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. Ec 7:16 “Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?
2. Spiritual and Emotional Immaturity: Maturity helps a person to be of stable mind in decision making, personal compulsion, and utterances to maintain a balance reaction to differences in perspective and understanding of many people in prevailing situations.. Mature people learn to disagree without being distressed. Mature people are self-aware and seek to improve their weaknesses where necessary.
Eph.4:13-16, “Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ 14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: 16 From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.
Resolution: Immature individuals have not learned to avoid disputes over a person’s personality or style. Likewise, maturation helps a person understand the futility of fighting over things that cannot be controlled.
(1Cor.14:20). “Brothers, do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking, be mature” Believers must learn to think, behave, and communicate with maturity.
3. Change and Inflexibility: In reality, change is the norm. When policies or priorities change in the church, misunderstandings and stresses are likely to occur. When pastors and church leaders make strategic decisions, an effective process of communicating these new directives and norms is crucial. Even so, some church members may struggle to accommodate the changes. (Peter’s policies and Ananias’s inflexibility
Act2:42-47“And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.43 And fear came upon every soul: and many wonders and signs were done by the apostles.44 And all that believed were together, and had all things common;45 And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.46 And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart,47 Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.
Act5:1-3) “But a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession,
2 And kept back part of the price, his wife also being privy to it, and brought a certain part, and laid it at the apostles' feet.3 But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost, and to keep back part of the price of the land?
Resolution: Some people or individual have a greater tendency to resist change than others but the leader must be resolute on God’s wills. In times of change, one may benefit from evaluating emotional responses to change. Often change leads to feelings of powerlessness or insecurity because one may trust the people at church for support instead of trusting God for security and peace. For instance in (Act.5:27-29) “And when they had brought them, they set them before the council: and the high priest asked them, 28 Saying, Did not we strictly command you that ye should not teach in this name? And, behold, ye have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this man's blood upon us. 29 Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, we ought to obey God rather than men” also in (Proverbs 29:25) “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe”.
Only God provides security in a changing world! Wise believers look for the benefits of change instead of antagonizing and criticizing the change. Change can lead to a more biblical church and to a church that is following the Great Commission. James wrote, “The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace” (Jas. 3:17-18). Wisdom is being “open to reason” and “impartial.” This wisdom is difficult to put into practice.
4: Abuses of Power: Power is the influence a person has on his or her environment, relationships. It is the ability and means to get things done. “People choose how they use power and whether they allow it to be corrupt or not. We can use power negatively or positively. Power is abused when is used for personal gains instead of mutual benefits.
Resolution: Everyone in position of authority should known that power belongs to God he giveth and taketh 1Sam.2:7-9 The LORD maketh poor, and maketh rich: he bringeth low, and lifteth up. 8 He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes, and to make them inherit the throne of glory: for the pillars of the earth are the LORD'S, and he hath set the world upon them. 9 He will keep the feet of his saints, and the wicked shall be silent in darkness; for by strength shall no man prevail.
5: Church Politics: This is a game of number whereby the higher number party will influence or override the interest and opinion of lesser number party. Factions in the church may intentionally or unintentionally engage in political maneuvering and posturing that leads to conflict. For instance, senior church members may favor proven methods, while younger members desire to change. Factions may attempt to increase their power and recruit others to their side. Read 2Sam.3:1; 6-12
1 Now there was long war between the house of Saul and the house of David: but David waxed stronger and stronger, and the house of Saul waxed weaker and weaker.
6 And it came to pass, while there was war between the house of Saul and the house of David, that Abner made himself strong for the house of Saul.7 ¶ And Saul had a concubine, whose name was Rizpah, the daughter of Aiah: and Ishbosheth said to Abner, Wherefore hast thou gone in unto my father's concubine? 8 Then was Abner very wroth for the words of Ishbosheth, and said, Am I a dog's head, which against Judah do shew kindness this day unto the house of Saul thy father, to his brethren, and to his friends, and have not delivered thee into the hand of David, that thou chargest me to day with a fault concerning this woman? 9 So do God to Abner, and more also, except, as the LORD hath sworn to David, even so I do to him; 10 To translate the kingdom from the house of Saul, and to set up the throne of David over Israel and over Judah, from Dan even to Beersheba.11 And he could not answer Abner a word again, because he feared him.12 And Abner sent messengers to David on his behalf, saying, Whose is the land? saying also, Make thy league with me, and, behold, my hand shall be with thee, to bring about all Israel unto thee.
Resolution: A person may be challenged to resolve the situation without offending the other individuals and groups involved in the conflict. For believers in Christ, this takes extreme caution and integrity. The Bible addresses politics among factions. The Apostle Paul dealt with factions in the Corinthian church. “For you are still of the flesh, for while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? For when one says, ‘I follow Paul,’ and another, ‘I follow Apollos,’ are you not being merely human?” (1 Corinthians 3:3-4). One group in the Corinthian church claimed to be following only Christ (1 Corinthians 1:12). One may find it interesting that Paul did not commend those who followed him (“I follow Paul”) but condemned each of the factions. Paul identified these political factions in Corinth as distractions from the mission of the church and selfish in motivation.
6: Unclear Authority: Conflicts arise among church staff and members when authority is unclear. When lines of authority are unclear, church volunteers and leaders sometimes exercise authority out of the realm of their responsibility. Such conflicts may become worse in times of crisis. A biblical example of the lack of clarity and authority was during the transition between Kings Saul and David in Israel.” And the LORD said unto Samuel, How long wilt thou mourn for Saul, seeing I have rejected him from reigning over Israel? fill thine horn with oil, and go, I will send thee to Jesse the Bethlehemite: for I have provided me a king among his sons” (1 Samuel 16:1-2; 18:1-8). Severe and complicated relational difficulties erupted among those in authority and the citizens of Israel. The Israelites could not understand Saul and David’s relationship. Eventually, a physical conflict erupted. Saul’s pride, which led to his su***de, provided David with opportunities to prove his integrity amid the confusion (1 Samuel 31).
Resolution: To the point of death of King Saul, David was submissive, obedient, Loyal and faithful to King Saul authority. In spite of being anointed as new King by Samuel he was not intoxicated by power to covet the King’s throne by all means. He cleverly waited for the appointed time by God to ascend the throne. Rom.13:1-3 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. 2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same:
7: Personality Differences: Personality development is largely a mystery, but it seems clear that our experiences contribute in some meaningful way. A person's temperament is how they behave and represent themselves based on personality traits and impactful experiences. What Are The Different Types Of Temperament, And Which Type Do . Temperament remains constant and serves as a means to help you determine how you will react to situations. It's a way to recognize consistent personality traits
Sanguine People with sanguine temperaments are people-oriented, exhibiting traits such as outgoing and extroverted. People with the sanguine temperament type have a wide range of emotions and a wide range of behavior. They are the most versatile of all the temperaments. Depending on their secondary temperament, they might be involved in nearly any human activity. However, they enjoy occasions when they can interact with or change their environment. They are so overly talkative and active that it can be overwhelming to be around them.
Phlegmatic :Phlegmatic temperaments are also common, but they can be seen as almost the opposite of sanguine temperaments. People with this temperament type are service-oriented, exhibiting introverted personality traits, but will work with others to achieve a common goal. The passiveness of the phlegmatic temperament type leads to a distinct set of characteristics. They are easy-going, calm, and unemotional. They can be indecisive and agreeable and are usually happy to allow others to make decisions for them. Phlegmatic temperament people are slow to warm up to others but will make friends fairly easily. They are one of the easiest temperament types to get along with because they are so agreeable and patient. However, they stick closely to their routines and resist change.
Melancholy : When most people hear the word melancholy, they think of depression. However, the melancholy temperament type is not necessarily depressed so much as they are cautious. Those with melancholy temperaments are detail and quality-oriented, obsessing with understanding what is right. Also, they might be seen as paying strict attention to detail, which could make them out as perfectionists. The melancholy temperament may show symptoms of being anxious. They might worry about the future and what others think. They may also worry about how things might have been done differently in the past. As such, they may seem like they resist living in the present.This temperament is generally well organized, even if they become cluttered. They are usually on time for appointments and expect others to be as well. Before making decisions, they will gather as much information as possible and ask specific questions to make sure they are making the right decision.
Choleric Characteristics People with a choleric temperament are extroverted and exude self-confidence. They are independent and strong-willed. They have quick minds and are generally active and practical in their activities. Their communication style is assertive and direct, often brief, almost to the point of rudeness. This temperament type enjoys taking risks and gets bored easily. They can be domineering and opinionated. They find it easy to make decisions, not only for themselves but for others as well. They can be somewhat controlling in relationships. Choleric types also tend to require less sleep than other temperament types. People with the choleric temperament are creative. They never seem to run out of ideas or plans, all of which tend to be practical. They are steadfast in their ideas, however, and will not give in to peer pressure.
Resolution: The four basic personalities or communication profiles are Dominant, Influencer, Steady, and Conscientious. When people discover and discuss their personality styles, healthy communication may result. More importantly, biblical fellowship among people is the best way for people to understand one another and grow together (Acts 2:42 And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.Ac 1:14; 2:46;
1. Develop the proper heart attitude - Meek (Galatians 6:1); Humble (James 4:10); Forgiving (Ephesians 4:31,32); Patient (James 1:19,20).
2. Evaluate your part in the conflict - Matthew 7:1-5 (removing the log from your own eye first is necessary before helping others).
3. Go to the individual (not to others) to voice your concern - Matthew 18:15. This is best done in love (Ephesians 4:15) and not to just get something off your chest. Accusing the person tends to encourage a defensiveness. Therefore, attack the problem rather than the person. This gives the person a better opportunity to clarify the situation or to seek forgiveness for the offense.
4. If the first attempt does not accomplish the needed results, continue with another person or persons that can help with mediation (Matthew 18:16). Remember that your goal is not to win an argument; it is to win your fellow believer to reconciliation. Therefore, choose people who can help you resolve the conflict.
OTHER CONFLICT RESOLUTION REFERENCES
Conflict is best handled when individuals prayerfully and humbly focus on loving others, with the intent of restoring relationships. Most issues of conflict should be manageable if the above biblical principles are followed. However, there are times when specific outside counsel may help. We recommend utilizing resources such as the PeaceMaker Ministries
Matthew 18:15-17 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Proverbs 12:18 “There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, But the tongue of the wise brings healing. Read more Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; read more.
James 1:19-20 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
Ephesians 4:29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
1 Peter 3:8-11 To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For,“The one who desires life, to love and see good days, Must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.read more.
Matthew 5:38-42“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also.read more.
Ephesians 4:26 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
James 1:19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;
Romans 12:17-21 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.read more.
Matthew 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Luke 17:3 Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
Philippians 2:4 Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Proverbs 16:7When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
Colossians 3:13 Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
Leviticus 19:18 You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord.
Hebrews 12:15 See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;
John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. Believers who blatantly sin pose a conflict for the church as described in 1 Corinthians 5. The church that does not deal with sin among the members will open the door to more problems. The church is not called to be judgmental of unbelievers, but the church is expected to confront and restore believers who are unrepentant of sins such as those listed in 1 Corinthians 5:11: " . . . anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler." Such individuals are to not be accepted by the church until they are willing to repent. Matthew 18:15-17 provides a concise procedure for the confrontation and restoration of a believer. Confrontation should be done carefully, meekly, and with the goal of restoration (Galatians 6:1). Churches that lovingly discipline sinning individuals will curtail a great deal of conflict in the church. Individuals may begin polling others in the church, get involved in gossip, or even develop a bloc of "concerned people." Leadership can help avoid this by leading like selfless, loving shepherds that are examples of servants rather than ones that lord over others (1 Peter 5:1-3). Those who are frustrated should respect the leaders (Hebrews 13:7, 17), be slow to accuse them (1 Timothy 5:19), and speak the truth lovingly to them, not to others about them (Ephesians 4:15). On those occasions when it appears the leader is not responding to the concern, an individual should follow the pattern set down in Matthew 18:15-17 to ensure that there is no confusion as to where each stands.
