08/02/2023
THE PASTORS HOME
Some few weeks back, a pastor stab his wife and himself to death during sunday worship service in their church in Mombasa. They had been quarreling for two years over the church and were living apart. Their home quarrel eventually spill over to church and they died on the altar!
If you are Good Lawyer, Doctor, Engineer, Legislator or even President and CEO of a country or company, you can succeed vocationally very well without a good home, but not as a pastor. If you want to really impact your community, country and your world, the place to start is in your home. Our ministry will amount to nothing outside, if we have no good home life. This was the value that Joshua brought into leadership.
He put his family first. He took responsibility for the spiritual well-being of his family before anything else. Starting at home is always the key to affecting others in a positive way. Because Joshua had his priorities right and had led his household well, he gained credibility to lead the entire house of Isreal. When a leader or pastor put his family first, the church benefits. When a pastor puts the church and ministry first, both his family and church suffers - lack of care for his home will affect the church and community in a negative way.
A.Bible Basis.Joshua 24:15; Luke 1:5-7; Col. 318-19; 1 Tim. 5:8.
Our fathers in the faith have taught us wrong values concerning our homes. Ministry is said to be much more important than the home. And this had led to many avoidable crisis, problems, waywardness, divorce, remarriage, demonised spouse and children. However, pastors and leaders must make their home as number one, just like Joshua and Zacharias.
The pastor’s home will make or mar the ministry.
When there is no peace in the home, there would be pieces in ministry. When pastors neglects their home, they lose credibility to lead. Many churches have collapsed due to problems in the home of pastors. Pastors must fight for good marriage and home life.
A godly home will help pastors to do a better job.
Pastor, don’t let everything revolve around your church and ministry alone. Stop neglecting your home in the name of ministry. Stop treating your spouse shabbily in the name of ministry.
B.Problems in Pastors’ Homes.
Recently, a pastor was arrested for killing his wife. Another pastors wife was arrested for killing her husband with a pestle, while asleep. Also, divorce, separation, wayward children and upsurge of court cases have gained ascendancy in the home of many pastors of recent. Well, problems militating against the home of pastors are not entirely made by the devil and his cohorts only, there are also mistakes from pastors and their spouses.
Such as:
i.Wrong FoundationPsalm 11:3
When leaders’ marriage and home are founded on lies, deceit, rebellion, impatience and permissive will of God, there will always be problems.
ii.Lack of Marriage Values.
When pastors are not really committed to the marriage institution, thay can jump out at the slightest discomfort. Too many marry, but they don’t believe in marriage.
iii.Over Commitment.
Too much time with work, ministry, church, members and hobby. Some pastors can spend time with every other person, except their spouse. No time to pray, play, romance, help, assist, nurture and listen to your spouse.
iv.Stubborness and Pride.
Many women and pastor’s wives are too stubborn, proud and disobedient. They want to rule and have their way over their husbands.
v.Selfishness and Stinginess.
Many male pastors are selfish and stingy. They only think about themselves and fail to provide, care and see to the welfare of their homes.
vi.Demonic Intrusion
The influence of bad friends, advisers and being far away from God can and do lead to demonic intrusion in the home. When a spouse is demonised, the home will be in shambles.
vii.Lack of communication
Inability to have time to talk, share, pray and plan together has resulted in the ruin of the home of pastors.
C.Complaints from Pastors’ Home.
Remember, you always get what you are looking for. If you are looking for complaints, here are some.
Examples of Complains from Pastors:
My wife doesn’t understand my vision and calling.
She is not interested in what I am doing.
She is too critical, nagging and sarcastic.
She is demonised and occultic.
She is always complaining and murmuring.
She uses s*x as a weapon to punish me.
She listens to bad advise from members.
She is too unspiritual carnal and worldly.
She doesn’t support me enough in the ministry.
Examples of Complains from Pastor’s wife:
Ministry is more important than me.
He prefers to go out with others than me.
He doesn’t communicate what he is doing.
He is too rigid, stone-faced and unyeilding.
He is not romantic-only smiles when he needs me.
He is not ministering to my need for love and care.
He doesn’t give me gifts and show appreciation.
He is not providing and available at his home enough.
Examples of Complains from Pastor's children:
The work takes our father away most of the time.
We are not seeing true role models to follow.
We are left on our own to grow up-with no direction.
We long for time to play and relax with our parents.
D.Healthy Home of Pastors.Gen. 18:18-19; 1 Pet. 3:1-7.
Pastors who love their life and ministry enough must make conscious effort to build a healthy home. Leader with unhealthy homes such as Moses. Eli. David and Samuel abounds. However, other leaders such as Abraham, Joseph, Joshua. Manoa and Peter had good homes too. These are pillars that will undergird the healthy homes of pastors:
1.Believe in the sanctity of the marriage institution.
2.Love one another unconditionally - accept each other.
3.Let Jesus be the Lord of your home.
4.Communicate and share together always.
5.Forgive and forbear with one another.
6.Help one another to grow and succeed.
7.Jointly plan your family upbringing.
8.Respect and appreciate each other.
9.Plan your finances together.
10.Adjust s*xually to each other. 1 Cor. 7:2-5.
11.Don’t let third-party rule and ruin your home.
12.Be alive to your responsibilities.
13.Grow to become good parents to your children.
14.Jointly face and fight your problems.
15.Pray and interceed for one another.
16. Have a good marriage mentor or counselor.
By: Pastor Francis Akin-john.
