01/07/2021
QUESTION & ANSWER.
Question: Pastor, how should one handle a relationship of significant age differential, the lady is ten years older and relatives and friends show their disapproval? - Anonymous.
Answer: Well, the ideal of a significant age differential might be quite subjective and so, may prove a bit difficult for me to answer your question satisfactorily. If you enter into a relationship involving a significant age difference between you and the man, you being older, it may requires some psychological adjustments especially when your relatives and friends do not accept the relationship. If you have not sufficiently prepared yourself to cope with the stresses inherent in such a relationship, you may have to reconsider your love for such a man now or else you may not be happy in the marriage.
Let me paint a scenario out for your understanding. Let take it that an old friend of yours bump into you as an older lady married to a much younger man, (ten years gap) and say something like this:
"Hey dear, good to see you looking so good." You then purse to introduce your husband: "Oh meet..." "Oh that must be your brother, l haven't met this one before." Then you start to say something like: "Oh yes my brother of course, but he is also..." "Your son then, or is it your cousin?" "No, He is my husband." "Did you say husband?" "Yes ooo". "Oh dear. Hello! My name is Florence, good to meet you."
She then turn and walk away. You know the feeling at that moment. So if you are in a marriage bound relationship where you are significantly older than the man, you must be prepared for this kind of scenario's. You should know that there will be unkind remarks here and there. Both you and the man must be psychologically prepared to cope. His friends too may be sneering behind him like:
"What is in it for him? Has she got a lot of money? Does she have a rich endowment from an indulgent father? Even if she does, is that why he should marry a woman old enough to be his mother?"
Besides the pressures from without, are you also able to cope with the pressures arising from having to grown up in two different age grades as it may, with different perspectives to life and issues as a result. It is not everybody that will have the capacity to enter into such a relationship. You must therefore be very sure of your convictions and must judge those convictions during your courtship period of your ability to make the necessary adjustments.
The pressure of such a relationship undoubtedly is more on a lady marrying a younger man. The older man involved with a younger lady may in fact be receiving congratulations for his good fortune by our societal programming.
So, if God is leading you to enter into this kind of relationship, and is developing love in both your hearts for each other, then you must be among the few who can make a success of it. I know that it is not every one of us who can make all the adjustment required in this kind of situation. A ten years age gap is a big deal in our our African setting. Though that may be nothing or normal in the white man land. Age, they say is just a number. Definitely some of your family members or friends may think you are crazy. But if you are really in love, may the Lord give you grace to cope.
Pastor Festus Yeiya.
Relationship Coach.
