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Abiding Couples Forum, GRACE GARDEN, OPPOSITE EPIC SCHOOLS, IREWON, Ijebu Ode (2026)

03/08/2020

Marital Nuggets #33.

CONFLICT HAS THE TENDENCY TO DEGENERATE IN YOUR HOME IF YOU DON’T HAVE THE DETERMINATION TO QUENCH THE IGNITED FIRE.
-Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

02/03/2018

FOR SINGLES ONLY.
DAY 04
WHAT TO HAVE IN YOUR LUGGAGE.(i)
Because of the importance and duration of this journey, you must be selective about the content of your baggage. You can’t take everything you have along with you because the vehicle will not be able to accommodate all. Consequently, there is a limit to the volume of baggage that you may take along with you. If you are going to travel by air, the airline would have specified the weight of your luggage. If by the time you get to the airport, your baggage weigh more than the specific weight allowed, you may be have to leave a part of the baggage behind. For the next seven days, we shall be looking at those items which must be in your luggage as you set out on the journey of marriage. Items that must be in your luggage include;

DIVINE RELATIONSHIP
This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.(Josh.1:8)
The most important item that you must take along with you on journey to Marriage is divine relationship. Divine relationship here refers to relationship with God who is the author of marriage through His son Jesus Christ.The reason why divine relationship must come before marriage relationship is that marriage is an institution that is ordained by God. Since God is the initiator or creator of marriage, it follows that you must be close to Him if you are going into marriage. Divine relationship will make you to have the knowledge of the intention of God for marriage,it also helps you to know where to seek for help when there are challenges in marriage. For instance, when a child of God is having issues in marriage, he or she is very likely to think of what the word of God says about that particular issue. For instance, if your husband offends you as achild of God, you may be thinking of what the word of God says;
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matt.19:6)
Because of what this scripture says, you are likely to think of forgiving your husband since the word of God is looking at marriage as something permanent whereas an unbeliever may think of doing away with the partner and looking for a replacement. Also, if your wife has a deficiency, you are likely to think of the fact that the scriptures commands you to love her despite every challenge. On the other hand, an unbeliever or some other religious beliefs will allow you to take another wife and even when you are tired of that one too, you may still take another one.
In summary, if you and your spouse are connected with God through divine relationship before marriage relationship, it gives you three major advantages;
`
Right Foundation
Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it. (Matt.7:24-27)
When you are close to God at this stage of your life, you will be laying the right foundation for the future. One of the things you can be sure of in marriage is that there will be storms. When you see couples that have been in marriage for decades and are still in love with one another, you must not make the mistake of concluding that they have no problems. Most of them have survived the challenges because they have the right foundation which sustained the structure during the periods of crises. You can’t achieve success in marriage without God, you will be better equipped if you build your foundation on Him. If you build it on Him, you also will be confident to refer to Him in the future when things are right; to thank Him, when there are challenges you will be able to look up to Him, when the devil is threatening you will be confident that you can’t be moved.

Counsel.
The God we are serving is a God who interacts with those that
are close to Him. Because the person you are going to marry is one of the most important choices you are ever going to make in life, God is definitely interested in your choice. Your spouse is the person you will spend the rest of your life with, there is the need to ask God concerning him or her as you proceed on the journey. Is the person that proposed to
you or that you are interested in the choice of God for your life? It is not every beautiful sister or every handsome and gainfully employed young man that will make a good wife or husband. You need God who is the author of marriage to counsel you on His choice for your life because His counsel is superior to that of the wisest human counselor that you can
ever have. His counsel is available to you through His word, it is also available to you through revelations. As a child of God, you should know that one of the fringe benefits you should be enjoying is the ability to be led by God. Learn asking God for His opinion so that in the future you will be confident to say that you did not marry outside God’s will.

An Anchor.
The purpose of an anchor in a ship is that it holds the ship steady in its position on the sea during storms. Closeness to God will achieve the purpose of an anchor in your life and home during storms which must surely come. No one prays for storms in marriage but the truth is that it comes. It may come in form of job loss, sickness, Inlaw challenges, unfruitfulness, spiritual attacks etc. During such periods, it is only those with anchor that are able to remain steady. This is very important because so many threatening situations occur in homes but when God is your anchor, none of the storms will be able to destroy your home.
Culled from JOURNEY TO MARRIAGE (2nd Edition) by Dr. Mike Oluniyi
Points To Ponder.
* As you are about to embark on the journey to marriage, what is the status of your relationship with Jesus Christ?
Prayer Point.
* My father and my God, I commit my life unto your hands as I embark on the journey of marriage in Jesus name.

01/03/2018

FOR SINGLES ONLY.
DAY 03
THE LONGEST JOURNEY YOU WILL EVER MAKE.

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.(Matt.19:6)

The journey of marriage is the longest journey you will ever make. It is a marathon, not a 100 metre dash. Imagine that you get married at the age of 30 and you hope to live up to 90 years, that means you will spend about 60 years of your life in this relationship. In most cases, you are likely to spend about two thirds of your entire lifetime with your spouse. If it is so, the choice of who to marry is a decision to be carefully taken due to the significant part of your lifetime that you are going to spend in the relationship.
In the advanced countries, once you are eighteen years of age, you may become independent and leave home. Also, in the developing countries, by the time you are in your mid twenties, if you have not yet started talking about whom to marry, your parents will start getting worried. That means the time you will spend with your parents is not up to what you will spend with your spouse.
Can you remember your best friend in your primary school days? Even if you are still in touch with one another, you can’t be as close as you used to be. The summary of it is that however close a friend is, there will be a time of parting. The circumstances of life may not allow you to be together always. However, the relationship with your spouse is going to be different. God designed it to be permanent, that is why the marriage vows go thus;
"I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death do us part,
according to God's holy ordinance;
and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you."

A professor of psychology came to class and told his students to prepare for a game of relationships. He called a man who had been married for fifteen years out and asked him to list out thirty most important people in his life. The man went ahead to list out members of his immediate and extended family, friends, neighbours and business associates.
Then the professor asked him to remove ten of the names and leave twenty most important people, which he did without much effort. Again, he was asked to remove ten more names. Removing the second set of ten names was more difficult than the first ten but within a short time he was able to accomplish the task. He was then left with his wife, son and daughter, parents, three siblings and two close friends. Quietly, he wished in his heart that the game would stop there because to remove more names would be a difficult task but even as he was still thinking about how difficult the next task would be, the professor asked him to remove five more names. Gradually, the man removed the names of his siblings and friends but it was not an easy task because those people were very close to him. At this stage, the class had become so quiet as they have realized that the game had become a very difficult one. The man was asked to go further and remove two more names. He quietly but reluctantly removed the names of his parents and dropped the marker indicating that he could not go further. He could not imagine how he could be asked to make a choice between his adorable children and his darling wife but then the professor asked him to eliminate one more name. With red eyes, he eliminated the name of his son. Finally, he was asked to be left with the most important person to him. With tears rolling down his eyes, he eliminated the name of his daughter who was so dear to him and was left with his wife only.

Then the professor asked him to explain to the class why he felt that his wife is more important than any other person. He explained to the class that he realized that all others, though important to him would leave him at one juncture of life or the other. According to him, even his daughter who is so dear to him would one day bring a man home and get married. It is only his wife that would remain with him till the end of the life of either of them. The whole class stood up and applauded the man.

The journey of marriage is therefore the longest and most important journey you are ever going to make, so you need to prepare for it. The following are some other reasons why your spouse will be the most important person in your life:

* Your fulfillment in life depends so much on whom you marry.
* Your ability to serve God depends on whom you marry
* Your fulfillment in ministry depends on whom you marry.
* The Children you will have and how you raise them depends on whom you marry.
* Your career development depends on whom you marry.
* Whether you are going to be lonely in life depends on whom you marry.
* Your eternity may depend on whom you marry.

As a conclusion, if the person you will marry is so important, you need to ensure that the choice is in the will of God for your life because your partner will have the most profound effect upon your life. If your spouse is your friend, then you have got a friend indeed but if he or she turns out to be an enemy, you have got an enemy that will last till the end of either of you.

Points To Ponder.
* Has it dawned on you, the permanent nature of the marriage relationship?

Prayer Point.
* Father, help me that I will not miss it in my choice of life partner in Jesus name.
(In case you have questions for me, you may make use of Facebook Messenger of email [email protected])

Culled from JOURNEY TO MARRIAGE (2nd Edition) by Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

28/02/2018

FOR SINGLES ONLY.
DAY 02
FIRST THINGS FIRST(ii): AVOID UNEQUAL YOKE.
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. (‭2Cor.‭6‬:‭14-16‬)
Unequal yoke in relationship refers to a situation in which a believer is in relationship with an unbeliever. The scripture above is very clear about such relationship. Often you hear a child of God asking whether it is only those that married as believers that can succeed in marriage. Many believe that if they marry an unbeliever, that he may be converted through their own efforts later, forgetting that the work of conversion is not that of a human being but that of Holy Spirit. Someone who has not been converted before marrying you is not likely to be converted after marriage.
As you prepare to choose your life partner, necessity dictates that you should ensure that your future partner is going in the same direction with you. There are numerous cases of spiritually vibrant sisters who fell in love with unbelievers who apparently promised to allow them to continue with their or convert later but today such marriage has served as “fire
extinguisher” to quench the fire of the spirit in the life of such sister.
When you marry a committed Christian, it is like taking an insurance policy against some nasty future occurrences.
Since you still have choice now, why don’t you avoid the tears, which may result in the future if you marry outside the fold? It is only in Christianity that the union between one man and one woman is emphasized.
Consider the following statement by Jesus Christ.
“Haven’t you read “, he replied “that at the beginning the creator made them male and female, and said for this reason a man will leave his father mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate”(matt.19:4-6)
In a Christian home, the two individuals who were joined together in matrimony are no longer two but one. Also, in a Christian home, the union is “until death do us part”. Whatever happens; the parties in a Christian family are expected to continue together through out life. It is not that there are no broken homes among Christians but statistics show that divorce cases among those who knew Christ before marriage is very low when compared with those who do not know Christ. A believer may not only think about the problem which divorce may bring to the family, he also thinks about the spiritual implications because for some body who wants to grow spiritually, harmony in the home is of vital importance.
God in fact does not take kindly to disharmony in homes.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge,
giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel,
and as being heirs together of the grace of life;
that your prayers be not hindered.(1Pet.3:7)
Causes Of Unequal Yoke Among The Youth.
Following are some of the reasons why unequal yoke occur among Christian youth.
* Lack Of Depth In God - A youth who is not spiritually matured may be easily deceived to believe that nothing is wrong with unequally yoked relationship and marriage. The deeper you are in your relationship with God, the clearer it will be to you that unequal yoke is is not the will of God for your life.
* Covetousness - Any youth that love flashy things may not see anything wrong with unequal yokes if the one proposing is able to spend money to satisfy her yearnings. For such a lady, it is unreasonable to suffer with a Christian brother when there is an unbeliever who appears to be financially able.
* Impatience - Often, when ladies are in their late twenties, they start getting worried that they are not yet married especially when their close friends start getting married. In such a situation, any man that proposes to them including unbelievers may be acceptable.
* Ignorance of the implications of unequal yoke in marriage - Sometimes, many underestimate the potential challenges in unequally yoked marriages until they have gone into it. It is then they realize that there are a lot of matters that will arise that may not be easily resolved. They get to realize too late that what your fiancé will accept for you while you are courting may no longer be acceptable when you have got married.
* Deceit - While you are courting, your unbelieving fiancé who is probably a Muslim may tell you that he would not disturb you from practicing your faith or even promise to convert to Christianity after you might have got married to him. It may be after marriage that you will realize to your eternal regret that you have been deceived. If the person you hope to marry does not go to church now, halt! it may be better for you to advice him to seek a mate from the adherents of his faith. If he loves you, this is the time for him to demonstrate it by doing what you strongly wish him to do. The issue of unity of faith is so vital to the success of your home and your eternal destiny that you should settle it now. Don’t believe that he would follow you to church after wedding if he cannot do it now especially if you are a lady. Even if you are a man, it may be difficult for you to convert her later. In fact, she may be the one that will later convert you to her own worldly ways.
The Problems Of Unequal Yoke In Marriage.
* Frequent disagreements over matters of faith.
* Disagreements about the upbringing of children.
* Lack of encouragement towards spiritual growth.
* Inability to fight spiritual battles as a couple.
* Complicated issues from the extended family members.
* Difficulties In flowing along with each others circle of friends.
* Conflicting values which often leave the children confused.
As a conclusion, for your peace of mind in the future, it is better you heed the counsel of God about the undesirability of unequal yoke in marriage. Make up your mind and pray that God will help you to discipline yourself and reject any offer that may only darken your future in God.
Points To Ponder.
* Look around you for examples of Christian ladies that married outside the faith. What are some of the challenges that they are facing?
* On what condition will you marry outside your faith?
(In case you have questions for me, you may make use of Facebook Messenger of email [email protected])
Prayer Point.
My father and my God, I receive the grace to marry within the faith and avoid the problems associated with unequal yokes in Jesus name.
Culled from JOURNEY TO MARRIAGE (2nd Edition) by Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

27/02/2018

FOR SINGLES ONLY
DAY 01
FIRST THINGS FIRST
As a youth, it is important to note that there are two basic counsels that God has for the youth in courtship. If every youth can take these counsel serious, there will be less divorce and unhappy marriages. These two counsels are; Flee fornication and Do not be unequally yoked. Today, we shall look at the first basic counsel.

FLEE FORNICATION.
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. (‭1 Cor.6‬:‭18‬)

Fornication may be defined as s*xual relationship between two unmarried persons. God is so particular about the issue of s*xual immorality in the scriptures and it has been and still is the source of the fall for many that would have been great in the hands of God. Sexual pleasure is for the married only. When you get involved in it before marriage, you have flouted one of the most important counsels that God has given you as a youth and would have contaminated yourself spiritually (1Cor.6:19). Consequently, if you have carnal knowledge of your fiancée even one day before marriage, you have defiled the temple of the Holy Spirit, which your body is and there will be need for you to go to God for forgiveness. The following are some of the dangers of fornication apart from it being a grievous sin.
* It destroys your relationship with God.
* It makes you less effective in your assignments for God.
* It demystifies you.
* It leads to unwanted pregnancy.
* It makes you to use drugs that may destroy your reproductive system in order to prevent unwanted pregnancy especially if you are a lady.
* It makes you less likely to marry one another.
* It may make you susceptible to different diseases.
How To Avoid Fornication.
Many sincere youths have fallen into this sin ignorantly. Sometimes, your ignorance about your own s*xuality or that of your partner may make you to fall into fornication before you realize it. Your ignorance Oftentimes too, may make others to take advantage of you in your unguarded moments. Don't be too sure that you can't fall into immorality, overconfidence has made many youth to suddenly realize to their regrets, that they are flesh and bones after all. That is why your church marriage committee may give you so many rules which you may not understand the need for, so as to guide you during courtship. Some of them may be;
* You should involve the marriage committee in your courtship.
* You should not be found in a secluded place with the opposite s*x or even with the one you are courting.
* You should not visit the opposite s*x unaccompanied.
* As much as possible, avoid holding one another for prolonged period.
* Never allow sensitive parts of your body to be fondled with because when your s*xuality is aroused, you may not be able to control yourself.
* Don't allow kissing and heavy petting.
* Remember always the dangers of premarital s*x.
Whatever the rules that are set down by your church or by is for your own benefit, though they may appear outrageous to you now.
God has a message for you if you have never been involved in fornication, the simple message God has for you is; DON'T! (Eph.5:3)
In case you are in it or you have done it before, God says to you; STOP! (Acts 15:29)

Points To Ponder.
* Have I really been observing this basic counsel from the word of God for me at this point in my life?
* Am I moving with those who will encourage me in keeping morally pure or friends the will discourage me?

Prayer Point.
My father and my God, may I be able to keep your temple which is my body holy and reserved only for my future spouse in Jesus name.

Culled from JOURNEY TO MARRIAGE (2nd edition) by Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

26/02/2018

SIXTY DAYS OVER!
Just like yesterday, sixty days are gone since we started FOR COUPLES ONLY a special devotional series on marriage. I want to thank you for being my friend on Facebook and having gone through the sixty days together. We shall pause here though we might have continued with it as there are much more that we can discuss on this vital area of our life. I hope the messages have been of use to you in one way or the other.
Don’t forget that the most important person in your life is your spouse; Don't forget as well that the weakness you have seen in your spouse is not the worst, every other spouse has at least one, and your ability to accept that of your spouse is a major determinant in keeping you married; Don’t forget too, that whatever challenge you are going through right now in marriage is not peculiar to you, many are going through worse situations but they are able to stay together because they have learnt to forgive.
Since I also have singles as my friends, we are going to also have FOR SINGLES ONLY for the next twenty days. Their own will be related to matters that they need to be familiar with before they embark on the journey of marriage. I want all of us to do the series together just as we have done that of the Couples.
I want to inform all my friends that MATTERS ARISING IN MARRIAGE will be on Radio as from April. The details will be given to you very soon. Feel free to share your experiences in marriage with me as well as questions you ma want us to attend to. You may send such through [email protected]. God bless you.

26/02/2018

FOR COUPLES ONLY.
DAY 60.

THE PLACE OF PRAYER IN DIFFICULT MARRIAGE.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.(Matt.7:7-8)

There are no circumstances in marriage that are beyond the power of prayer. However difficult the situation is, don’t lose the confidence to pray.
Some of the reasons why you must pray are;

* Marriage is God's idea, so commit to His hands.
Marriage is God's idea, he consequently has a will in everything that happens in marriage. So, when there is challenge you must pray to know His will concerning which steps to take.
In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: (Eph.1:11)

* God Hates Divorce.
Permanence is the nature of marriage in God's plan. He hates divorce. Consequently, when you are experiencing difficulties in marriage, there is need for you to go to God because He is not interested in divorce.
“For the Lord God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one's garment with violence,”... (Mal.2:16)

* You need to shield your home from the devices of the devil.
The devil never want your home to succeed, he is out to destroy. Often the issues causing problem in homes is are spiritual in nature which you may only fight successfully with spiritually.
Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices. (2Cor.2:11)

* You don't really know all the details of your background and that of your spouse.
There are times when the struggles you are experiencing in your home is really an inherited curse. However much you may know your spouse, you may not really know the full details of that family. There may be details you are ignorant of, which may be causing havoc in you home. If you pray that the Holy Spirit should open your spiritual eyes so that you may learn details you are not aware of which may be causing havoc in your home, you may be surprised about what God may show to you... The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge? (Ez.18:2)
Other reasons why you must pray in a difficult marriage:

* For with God nothing shall be impossible.(Lk.1:37)
However difficult your marriage is, it is possible for God to bring something good out of the difficult situation if you wait on Him.

* The offensive behavior of your spouse may not really be his fault.
Prayer may make you to understand that the offensive behavior of your spouse is beyond his control and that help is needed.

* The ministry of the devil is to steal, kill and destroy.
It is through prayers that you can ensure that the devil does not fulfill his threefold ministry of stealing, killing and destroying in your marriage. It is also through prayer that you may bring the abundant life through Jesus Christ into your home.

* It is not over until it is over.
As long either of you is still alive, it is not yet over. Prayer is necessary so that you may be led into taking the right decisions because even when you divorce, the relationship is not yet over especially where children are involved.

* Instability in your home will hinder your prayers...and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.(1Pet.3:7)
Finally, prayer is very important in difficult marriage because instability in you home has a way of hindering your prayer life. Any situation that affects your spiritual life may inadvertently affect your eternity.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse.
* To what level are we dependent on the efficacy of prayers during difficult situations in this home?
* How is our relationship with God who can do all things?

Prayer Point.
Father, once again we submit this home into your hands fight our battles for us in Jesus name.

25/02/2018

FOR COUPLES ONLY.
DAY 59

WHAT TO DO IF PERSONALITY DISORDER IS SUSPECTED IN YOUR SPOUSE.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.(Jam.1:5-6)

Yesterday, we mentioned briefly the various personality disorders and the likely causes. Don’t forget that we may not be really able to discuss these disorders extensively here. However, If you have been noticing consistent excessive behavior in your spouse, the following are suggested;
* Get more knowledge about personality disorders to know the category which he or she belongs to.
* With more knowledge, you may prayerfully approach the matter by letting your spouse know what you have learnt about personality disorders and how it affects him or her. However, usually because of biases, it may be better to seek medical help for accurate diagnosis.
* If it is still at the mild stage, the two of you may agree on the course of action to be taken which may include self awareness and self control. You may also assist by reminding him or her whenever the tendency comes towards display. However, please note that it may be safer to seek medical help for treatment.
* Seek help if the situation has gone beyond the mild level because in some cases, the person may become violent which may cause self injury or to others.
* At every stage, ask for the wisdom of God because you require it to be able to take the right step at the right time.

As a conclusion, personality disorders as a mental disorder may cause a lot of difficulties in a marriage if not diagnosed early or is not treated. If not treated it becomes worse with passage of time. Things become really difficult if the affected person is uncooperative.
As a believer however, there is absolutely nothing that God can not handle. Even when you suspect or discover personality disorder in your spouse, you neither need to panic out take extreme steps which may prematurely destroy your home. Pray for the leading of the Holy Spirit because there is the will of God in every situation which you may always seek. Except God tells you not to seek medical attention, you may need to do so to prevent the situation from getting worse.

Discussion Points With Your Spouse.
Personally Disorder is a very delicate matter to discuss even when you notice it in your spouse, there is need for wisdom. Find a way of following the above steps together.

Prayer Point.
Father, l receive wisdom to handle every difficult situation in my home in Jesus name.

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