25/05/2026
Some girls are suffering today not because they are weak, but because they were never told the truth early enough.
If you don’t want frustration, depression, or regret later in life, then take this seriously: never enter a relationship or marriage without having your own source of income.
As a girl, now and in the future, don’t let any man deceive you with sweet words like, “You don’t need to work, I will take care of you,” or “Just marry me, I will establish you.”
Because life has a way of changing people. And when things become difficult, promises are often the first thing that loses value.
You don’t need a man to discover who you are. You don’t need a man to put food on your table before you start building your life.
Many girls believe they do, and that belief quietly becomes the beginning of their struggle.
Some men are manipulative. They may say it directly or indirectly: “If you don’t have s*x with me, I won’t help you.” And the moment you refuse, the help stops, the attention changes, the relationship shifts.
That is not love. That is pressure. That's emotional blackmail.
And slowly, a girl starts to feel like she must choose between her dignity and her needs. That is a dangerous place to be.
This is why building yourself is important.
Learn a skill. A skill gives you independence. It gives you options. It gives you confidence. It gives you the ability to walk away when something is wrong.
If you cannot learn a skill immediately, start working. Learn how to earn money and manage it well. If you cannot work yet, start something small—sell, resell, or do something honest. Just start from somewhere.
Don’t wait for perfect conditions. They don’t come.
Here is another hard truth: many girls are stuck in relationships and marriages they cannot leave, not because they don’t want to leave, but because they have nothing to stand on.
Some of them say quietly, “If I had money, I would have left long ago.”
That is why dependence is dangerous. It doesn’t look like a problem at the beginning. It becomes a problem later when you are already emotionally involved. Or children are involved.
Any man who tells you not to work or promises to “take care of everything” only after marriage is asking you to trust him with your future while you give up your independence.
And once you lose independence, it becomes harder to make clear decisions.
So take this seriously: if you don’t have a source of income, don’t rush into relationships or marriage. First build yourself. First learn a skill. First have a source of income. Stop depending on a man, you can build your life without depending on love relationship or marriage.
Because when life gets real, love alone is not enough. You will need stability, direction, and strength.
And stability comes from preparation, not promises.
Build yourself to a point where you can stand, speak, and walk away if life demands it.
Protect your future. The kind of life you are expecting a man to give you, you can actually build it for yourself through mentorship, learning, and personal growth.
Yes, you can empower yourself, but it starts with first believing and knowing that you can.
If you want guidance on how to start building that kind of life, I explain it deeply in my book Life After Secondary School. It is for both girls and boys who want direction, independence, and purpose.
Disclaimer: I do not encourage teenagers to engage in romantic relationships or marriage. This post is to prepare them for the future relationship and marriage.
Mr shalom Teen Coach, Parenteen Supporter,
Author, Life After Secondary School Book
