20/02/2023
THEME: MAKE THE HOME AS GOD INTENDS IT (Part 2)
TOPIC: THE CHRISTIAN MAN (HIS ROLE AS THE FAMILY LEADER)
A TEACHING BY BRO ASULEWON I. T.
19th February, 2023.
A) OVERVIEW OF PART 1
• In the Part 1 of this lesson, we looked at "The Christian, Woman and Her Role As A Wife". Our texts were Titus 2:3-5, 1Tim 3:11
• We were told how God created woman to be a wife, mother and individual; and that her relationship with her husband was one of the most important relationship mankind would have, citing Gen 2:24.
• The Teacher told us why the lesson was taken separately:
to enable the husband and the wife score their marital score-card separately by themselves against the second coming of Jesus Christ.
• We were told that a woman would be accountable to God for her family and her role in the home
• In our objectives, we looked at the lesson from four perspectives:
1. The historical view-point
2. The N/T specific instructions for marriage, women and wives
3. How woman could make her home as God intended it
4. And, the eternal relevance of the Bible
• Here, we learnt that:
Marriage was considered the most important event in the lives of the ancient Hebrews.
Under the old law, God allowed divorce because of the hardness of their hearts. Nevertheless, Jesus told us plainly, that its original intent and divine origin was one-man-one-wife for life
The family unit was a patriarchal system, where the husband and oldest male in the family was the head and leader of the family. And the Patriarch was considered God's representatives.
• Woman was created for man to save him from solitude (Gen 2:18).
And woman was created to be equal to man; the condition of equality remained until both Adam and Eve rebelled against God.
For that, part of their punishment was abolishing their equality as partners and making the wife subordinate to her husband (Gen 3:16, 1Tim 2:11-14, Eph 5:22-24)
• We learnt that the husband was the leader; and touching how the family and home should be organized and ordered, they would both discuss it with Christ-like attitude; and the final decision belonged to the husband and the wife would support him in it.
• We also considered the qualities she must have both as a woman and wife of Church leader:
1. To love her husband and children (Tit. 2:3-5)
2. To be self-controlled and pure
3. To be busy at home
4. To be kind
5. To be subject to her husband
6. Worthy of respect (ITim 3:11)
7. Temperate
8. And trustworthy
We equally mentioned the two most important works of all women were to concern themselves with at home:
1. Raise their children
2. Love their husband; and there was to be no shame in this(I Tim 5:14)
The general question raised was if the scriptures could apply to today's society; as people called for the Bible to be rewritten We asserted that God and His word were transcendent, meaning that God is superior and goes above and beyond all that existed: whether Time or culture.
B) Today, in the part two of the lesson series, we are going to reexamine the "Role of Man as the Family Leader": both as a husband and as a father.
Here, we are going to learn that of all human organizations, the family is the only one whose origins are explained in the Bible.
• It makes us to know that in Genesis, after God created man and woman:
He declared that family was the basic human social relationship.
It is the foundation upon which all other social organizations rest
In our society today, we have been told that the concept of the family is
either outdated
or no longer important
For many people, the idea of the family is:
Replaced by the government
Or just a number of people living together
And because of this attempt to remake and replace the family, our overall social fabric has collapsed
It is only when we restore the family to its God-intended pattern that we will be able to start restoring our social fabric.
This is the basic thrust of this series of lessons: "MAKE THE HOME AS GOD INTENDS IT"
LESSON OBJECTIVES: We will see...
1. Man as the Husband
2. Man as the Father
MAN: THE HUSBAND
(Gen 1:27-28; 2:18-25)
God is the source of the concept of the family
He also declares that the husband and wife relationship is the basis of the family
In our texts here, we are told why woman was created and the relationship that she and the man were to have
Again, in one of the texts, we are told after the creation:
All animals had mates
Only man was alone
It was at this point that God created woman who was to be "a helper suitable for man"
Also, in the beginning, the Bible does not describe the woman as subordinate to man but an equal partner who would help him. Read Gen 2:22-24
This state of equality remained until both Adam and Eve rebelled against God. And part of their punishment was abolishing their equality as partners and making the wife subordinate to her husband
a) What Does This Mean Today?
Of a truth, the starting point is that:
Wives are co-heirs with Christ just as husbands are
Are they equal before God? Yes, but they have certain God-given functions to fulfill in marriage.
• The husband is the leader and the wife defers to his leadership:
Does this mean that she does not have a "say" in how their family and home are organized and ordered?
She has! But when all is said and done with a Christ-like attitude, the final decision belongs to the husband and the wife supports him in it.
• The husband's leadership is not just in the physical and material realm but also in their spiritual walk with God
• Every now and then, we see the opposite - the wife is the spiritual leader
If a husband fails as the spiritual leader, he fails in being any type of family leader.
b) The Mind of God for Man Towards His Wife
• God does not intend that the husband is to be a tyrant or dictator
• Instead, he is to love and care for his wife
• The wife, in turn, is to love and obey him. See I Cor 7, Eph
5:22-23, Col. 3:18-19, Tim 2:8-15, Tit 2:3-5, and I Pt 3:1-7
• NOTE: These commands to love, care and obey are principles on which the marriage relationship is to be based; but they are just principles.
God gives us "principles" by which to live but we must work out the details:
- What does it mean to love someone?
- What does it mean to care for someone?
- What does it mean to obey someone?
Almost all the time, you see couples argue over these principles
The truth is that they never go beyond the principles and replace them with concrete details without understanding what the principles mean
• Indeed, couples have an obligation to discuss how to translate these principles into reality
• For example, people have different ideas of what it means "to love one another"
In our society today, "Love" can mean almost anything from liking a particular pair of shoes, color of cloth, building, car to s*xual passion
This is not the idea that Paul had in mind when he told husbands to "love" their wives in Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3.
• The word Paul used for "love" is agape
It is used in N/T to describe God's love for mankind. Let us hear Nigel Turner in his work, Christian Words:
"Agape, a deep-rooted affection, is consciously reaching out for its objects, always seeking to prove itself. Man receives God's agape as an unmerited bounty, and feels the same emotion to Him in gratitude"
•What does this tell us about the way a man should love his wife?
It says that a husband's love for his wife should be an act of will, and not that kind of fuzzy emotion that changes with circumstances and environment
He makes a decision and an agreement or contract to live his whole life with his wife, irrespective of the condition in which they may find themselves at some point.
To those of you who go to registry to "seal up" or make your marriages "legal", you will attest that most wedding or marriage ceremonies vows say...
"I, Jones, wed Angelina, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health and forsaking all others, until death does us part"
• This is the "covenant" that a man makes with his wife
• If he breaks it, he has violated a sacred oath sworn before God and man.
Remember, God says that He hates divorce (Mal. 2:14-16)
NOTE: A man shows love for his wife by treating her with respect, care and protection:
Violence against your wife is never an acceptable behavior
Violence is more than just physically pushing or hitting
- It includes verbal, emotional and psychological abuse.
- A mean-spirited attitude towards your wife is violence
- A domineering attitude towards your wife is violence
- Threatening word or threatening attitude toward her is violence
God, indeed, created a great mystery in marriage: that the husband and wife are:
1. "No longer two" individuals
2. They are "one flesh"
People have tried to explain this, but none of them really seem to give an accurate solution
The important thing is that a husband treats his wife as if she is the most precious gift (next to salvation through
Jesus) that God has give him
This means that a man will do everything in his power to ensure that his wife reaches her greatest potential and everything within the scope of his ability to help her find fulfillment.
MAN: THE FATHER
• An example of what it means to be a Father is God
This is not only true in His being the Father of Jesus
But the Father of all mankind
• As you read through the Bible, look at how God loves, teaches, guides, disciplines, expresses sadness and happiness for us both as a race and individually.
God views us as His children.
A) BE A GOOD FATHER
• God wants us to move on, grow and mature into the kind of beings that He originally created us to be.
• When a man looks at his fatherhood in this light, he can only be overwhelmed at the awesome responsibility that he has undertaken.
• Therefore, if he fails as a father,
1. Not only will his children and society disrespect him and hold him in contempt,
2. He must answer to God!
Like being a husband, being a father means much hard work:
Like being a husband, you learn to be a father by imitating how your father "trained" you up
What kind of father was he?
Do you want to be the same kind of father to your children that he was to you?
If not, what have you done to change?
• Many hate their fathers for being cruel and abusive - emotionally and psychologically
• They speak of their hate for him and how they want to be different
• But regrettably, most have been just as cruel and abusive to their own children
Now what do you think has happened here?
They only knew one way of being a father
Yes, they hated it but they never learned a better way to be a father
Therefore, we must learn better in order to do better
B) THE DANGER OF FAMILY NEGLECT
• One aspect of abuse that is often overlooked is that of NEGLECT
The father is not really mean or cruel
He just is not there: either physically or emotionally for His children
He leaves it up to the wife to raise and care for the children
Therefore, when men do this,
The harm everyone in the family,
Including themselves
• One writer, Ashley Montagu, phrases it better in this way:
"When men abandon the upbringing of their children to their wives, a loss is suffered by everyone, but perhaps most of all by themselves. For what they lose is the possibility of growth in themselves for being human which the stimulation of bringing up one's children gives"
THE TWO SIDES OF MAN AS A FATHER
• Being a father covers the two basic areas of our being I.e the physical and the spiritual
• To be successful as a father, you have to train and guide your children in both areas
Indeed, our nature is both physical and spiritual, therefore, if we neglect one of them, we are only half a man !
• We can only be a mature, complete man when our physical and spiritual sides are properly developed and in balance!
D) WE CAN LEARN FROM THE STORIES IN THE BIBLE
• The Bible is not a "HOW TO" guide with many imaginative and innovative parenting methods.
• Rather, it provides basic principles:
From these principles, we use our own personality, love and experiences to be a good father
The O/T provides examples of being a good or a bad father:
1. Abraham with Ishmael and Isaac
2. Jacob and his 12 sons
3. Lot with his children
4. Judah with his sons
5. Joseph with his sons
6. Eli the Priest with his sons
7. Samuel with his sons
8. And David with his children
• From all the examples above, we see:
Fathers who lavish all their love and affection on certain "special children" while they ignore others
Fathers so caught up in their businesses (being Prophets, Priests or Kings) that they have little or no time for their children
• These stories are here so we can learn. We can see what these men did right as Fathers Or we can avoid their mistakes
See Deut 6:4-9, Most of Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes, Matt 7:9-12, Eph 6:1-4 ad Col 3:20-21
• From these Scriptures, was see that the father and his children have obligations to one another:
a. The father is to love and train his child, while the child is to respect and obey his father
b. The father is to be kind and gentle
c. He is not to be overbearing and create anger, resentment and hate in his child
d. He is to help his child discover the potential that is within
e. He is to encourage them to develop that potential to the very best of their ability.
Conclusion
• Remember, our overall effort is to restore the family to its God-intended pattern, to enable us restore our social fabric that has collapsed
• When a man chooses to establish a family,
He decides to leave his past behind him,
And take responsibility for a wife and children
• There is every tendency that he has learnt to be a husband and father from watching his own father:
If his father was a loving, caring husband and father, there is every possibility that he will be a loving, caring father
But if his father was abusive, the possibility is that he will be abusive
• Does that mean that a man is trapped into a certain pattern of behavior?
The answer is ''NO"
• However, he must make a strong and concerted effort to change it
• This lesson will motivate you to think more seriously about what kind of husband and father you have been in the past.
