11/04/2025
Best Friends Don’t Make Best Couples? The Lie That Stole Peace From Many Marriages
There was a time—many years ago—when a doctrine crept quietly into our campuses.
It was anchored on a dangerous idea:
“Best friends don’t make best of couples.”
And like sheep, many followed.
They ditched the ones who truly got them...
Who laughed at their jokes, sat with them in silence, knew their triggers, and celebrated their quirks.
They ignored the friend who brought peace, and pursued someone who ticked religious boxes, tickled their fantasy, or met an external standard that had nothing to do with true compatibility.
Today, many are enduring what they should have been enjoying.
Not because marriage is hard—but because they married strangers while their true friends watched in pain(the story of the friends who watched in pain is for another day)
Let’s clear the air.
Friendship is the bedrock of a fulfilling, lasting marriage.
And no doctrine—no matter how spiritual it sounds—should rob you of the joy of marrying someone who feels like home.
I have invested 24years of my life in the family life sector and the distance between what sounds like truth and the actual reality can be found in our report cards or what data says;
Let's check what data says
- According to a study by the National Bureau of Economic Research, people who consider their spouse to be their “best friend” are twice as likely to report high levels of life satisfaction.
- Research from the University of Denver found that friendship with a partner is one of the strongest predictors of marital satisfaction and long-term stability.
- The Gottman Institute, renowned for its work on marriage, identifies “friendship” as the most important component in building and sustaining intimacy, trust, and resilience in a relationship.
So why do we keep ignoring what is proven—both by data and by life?
Have you tried to figure out why marriages are successful among folks in nations who don’t believe in our faith? There must be a universal thread that keeps people in a long lasting relationships across various cultures
Here are 4 Irreplaceable Benefits of Marrying Your Friend:
1. You Fight Fairer and Forgive Faster
Friends know how to disagree without dishonoring. They’ve learned each other. So even in conflict, they fight to preserve, not to prove.
2. You Feel Safe Being Real
You don’t need filters around your friend. You can laugh from your belly, cry without shame, dream out loud, and confess your fears.
That kind of emotional safety is rare—and it’s divine.
3. You Share Joy in the Ordinary
Friendship makes the mundane magical. Grocery shopping becomes a date. Cooking together feels like creating art. Nothing is boring because you’re doing life with your person.
4. You Build a Future, Not Just a Fantasy
Friends plan together. They’re not obsessed with appearances; they’re invested in growth. They see who you’re becoming, and they cheer for your becoming—without pressure to perform.
So dear friend,
Marry your friend.
Marry the one who makes you laugh with your lungs.
Marry the one who listens when your voice shakes.
Marry the one who knows your history and still chooses your future.
And if you’re already married but feel the friendship slipping away—don’t panic. Rebuild it.
Go back to being curious about each other.
Talk like you used to.
Play again.
Listen again.
Flirt again.
Because it was never “just friendship.”
It was the foundation.
It would interest you to know that one of the most common recommendations in our couples assessments is for them to build friendships and many of the troubled couples especially those from the religious faiths who complete our family systems engineering psychometry called 'Oyela' admitted to not being friends before marriage
There is a difference between heavy duty work and the rhytms of grace. Forget the masks we were you can literally tell when you see couples who enjoyed deep friendship before marriage. Don't be deceived because this is a forever journey and friendship is the lubricant that makes it last forever.
In case you didn't marry your friend; it is never too late. Both of you must admit the reality and start the new journey of building a friendship that lasts forever.
If you haven't read my latest book Unbroken please go get your copy here www.familyhouseafrica.com/unbroken
Remain unbroken
Fowowe
!
After 11 years of researching 25 couples who have successfully journeyed through more than 40 years of marriage, UNBROKEN uncovers the timeless principles that have been tested and proven across generations. These aren’t just theories — this is the blueprint that has already transformed some of ...
