24/10/2020
“I was one way, and now I’m completely different. And the thing that happened in
between…was HIM.”
This is my story. I live in a family of 4-my mom (Louisa), elder sister (Joyce), younger
brother (James) and myself (Karuna).
As a normal teenager, I had my set of flaws with which I struggled since childhood. I was 12
when I had a fall in school and I ended up having 8 stitches on my lips and was embarrassed by the
size of it for quite some years! I also had fear of height and darkness…I was always jealous of my
siblings. Apart from all this, po*******hy was a big obstacle for me. I never watched p**n, but every
night I felt I couldn’t sleep without imagining it. I was filled with pride for no reason. Back then I was
also very lazy to help mom in household chores and gave excuses to not study. I had also developed a
habit of being dishonest in every little thing. In short, I was a dead girl walking, alive but not living. I
felt what is my purpose of living?
I, then, attended my first youth retreat in 2016 (Eliora - a Jesus Youth Vadodara Initiative)
where I had my first encounter with Christ. This encounter gave me the chills…I was shaken, I did
not feel worthless anymore, I felt God’s love! I started praying for all areas of my life and freely
praised Him for the first time. I felt renewed in Christ… The prayer meetings and JY fellowship time
helped me to grow spiritually. Aroma di and Matthew bhaiya were the ones to always encourage me
when I felt low. Rinson bhaiya and Stella di have always been more than a family to me. Fr. Jitu
D’monte has been a constant signboard for me. I am also immensely blessed to have a family who
always supports me and helps me to grow spiritually. Renewal Retreat 2018 was another JY Retreat
where I was taught the importance of surrendering all my weaknesses to God and letting go of things
because He makes all things good.
Even after having attended prayer meetings, JY programs, etc, it was very difficult for me to
accept myself with flaws and imperfections. In a JY Retreat, our resource Naveen Lobo, said that
realizing that you have an area of weakness is a big step in itself. The next step would be to embrace
it, surrender it to God and allow Him to chisel you! Working on your weaknesses is an everyday
process and not an overnight one! Everyday, you have to surrender all your areas to Him, especially
your flaws. When I used to look in the mirror, all I saw was a big heap of flaws and imperfections.
Now, all that I see is a beautiful mess, being moulded and chiselled daily by God!
“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.”-Oscar Wilde
-Karuna Rajput
Vadodara
